1-Smile — All the time
2- Always flush the toilet three times
3- Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up
4- Whenever your roommate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself
5- Whenever you go to sleep, starts jumping on your bed . . . do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out . . . use this method to fall asleep…every night for a month
6- Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up
7- Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are
8- Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened
9- Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. With an air of disdain, announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks
10- . Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate. Announce the next day that that one died. Name another one after your roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep this up until they all die
According to www.brainofbrain.com
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WatchMojo Newsletter1- If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money
2- If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…” When they try to get back to the sell, just continue your problems
3- If they say they’re Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, Ask them to spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name, then ask them where it located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary
4- This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with Canter and Siegel services…. You: “Hang on a second.” (Few seconds pause) “Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?”
5- Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, “Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you BEEN?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where on earth she could know you from
6- Say to the Telemarketer, “Sorry, I can’t talk right now but if you’d just give me your home phone number I’ll call you when I’m not as busy. When they say in a flustered way that they can’t give out their home number say, “Oh, I see…you don’t want strangers calling you at your home! Now you know how I feel.”
7- If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, “I don’t have any friends…would you be my friend?”
8- If they clean rugs: “Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood
9- Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional “Uh-huh, really, or “That’s fascinating.” Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you
10- Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: “This is Bill from Mantermills.” You: “Mantermills!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?” Telemarketer: “Uh, Dallas, Texas.” You: “Great, they have a group there too? How’s business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya.”
According to www.brainofbrain.com
10- Murdered woman just happened to be the same woman O.J beat up
9- Made unlucky choice of gloves and shoes for photo session
8- Picked the wrong night to wear someone else’s socks
7- Made unfortunate choice producing “O.J Tells” video deciding between Beta and VHS
6- Forgot to take the stand during criminal trial
5- Should have asked about those annoying red spots when Bronco was purchased
4- Exactly wrong time for arthritis to flare up, blowing lie detector test
3- The one night O.J desperately needed an alibi, decided to sleep alone
2- Still can’t figure out how he got lost on the freeway trying to surrender to police
1- Had to pick the night of the murders to start bleeding uncontrollably
Accoring to www.brainforbrain.com
10- At the bottom of an escalator, scream “MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!”
9- At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed
8- Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard
7- Sneak up on a saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray her with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke
6- Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts
5- At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there’s much meat on them
4- Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are “leak proof”
3- Ask appliance personal if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish
2- Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big
1- Show people your driver’s license and demand to know “whether they’ve seen this man”
According to www.brainofbrain.com
1- Honda Civic
2- Mazda3
3- Toyota Corolla
4- Toyota Yaris
5- Chevrelot Cobalt
6- Toyota Camry
7- Ford Focus
8- Pontiac Pursuit
9- Toyota Matrix
10- Chevrolet Implala
According to www.kanetix.ca
10- Frito Lay - Dan Quayle ad - 1993
9- Sierra Mist - Bagpipe kilt ad - 2004
8- Budweiser ‘Upside Down Clown’ - 2003
7- Budweiser ‘Bud Bowl VI’ - 1994
6- Dirt Devil ‘Fred Astaire’ - 1997
5- Budweiser - Flatulent horse ad - 2004
4- Holiday Inn - Sex change ad - 1997
3- Just for Feet - Kenyan runner ad - 1999
2- Burger King ’Find Herb the Nerd’ - 1986
1- Apple ‘Lemmings’ - 1985
According to Peter Hartlaub on www.msnbc.com
10- Budweiser ‘Frogs,’ 1995
9- Xerox ‘Monks,’ 1977
8- Tabasco ‘Mosquito,’ 1998
7- Electronic Data Systems ‘Herding Cats,’ 2000
6- McDonald’s ‘The Showdown,’ 1993
5- Monster.com ‘When I Grow Up,’ 1999
4- Reebok ‘Terry Tate, Office Linebacker,’ 2003
3- E*Trade ‘Monkey,’ 2000
2- Coke ‘Mean Joe Greene,’ 1979
1- Apple Computer ‘1984′
According to Peter Hartlaub at www.msnbc.com
10- The Waco Tornado- May 11, 1953 Deaths: 114 Injuries: 597 F-Scale: F5
9- The Flint Tornado- June 8, 1953 Deaths: 115 Injuries: 844 F-Scale: F5
8- The New Richmond Tornado- June 12, 1899 Deaths: 117 Injuries: 200 F-Scale: F5
7- The Amite/Pine/Purvis Tornado- April 24, 1908 Deaths: 143 Injuries: 770 F-Scale: F4
6- The Woodward Tornado- April 9, 1947 Deaths: 181 Injuries: 970 F-Scale: F5
5- The Gainesville Tornado- April 6, 1936 Deaths: 203 Injuries: 1600 F-Scale: F4
4- The Tupelo Tornado- April 5, 1936 Deaths: 216 Injuries: 700 F-Scale: F5
3- The St.Louis Tornado- May 27, 1896 Deaths: 255 Injuries: 1,000 F-Scale: F4
2- The Natchez Tornado- May 7, 1840 Deaths: 317 Injuries: 109 F-Scale: Unknown
1- The Tri-State Tornado- March 18, 1925 Deaths: 695 Injuries: 2027 F-Scale: F5
According to www.livescience.com
1- Mosquito
2- Asian Cobra
3- Australian Box Jellyfish
4- Great White Shark
5- African Lion
6- Australian Saltwater Crocodile
7- Elephant
8- Polar Bear
9- Cape Buffalo
10- Poison Dart Frog
According to www.livescience.com
10- You tell him to “sit” and he tells you to “eat it”
9- Only time he kisses you is after he drinks from the toilet
8- His favorite chew toy is your iPhone
7- Leaves a dead bird in your slipper with a note reading “You’re next”
6- Convinces Leona Hemsley’s dog to evict you from your apartment
5- You dragged him all the way to New York City to preform some dumb trick on the Late Show
4- He gnawed a soup bone into a shiv
3- No number 3- writer shot by his dog
2- Leaves you to go live with Michael Vick
1- He paid Bob Barker $100 to neuter you
According to ‘Late Show with David Letterman’ on www.cbs.com
