Joe Wilcox worked as an analyst when Microsoft developed Windows Vista. Execs asked for his advise, and they got it. Did they listen?
1- Windows Vista has to be a whole lot better than Windows XP. Microsoft had left XP in the market for a long time. That version of Windows had reached a certain “good enough” threshold, in part because of the stable, supporting ecosystem. Vista would have to be a whole lot better to drive upgrades in established markets. I received assurances that Vista would deliver on the promise, which was later accentuated in the “Wow” marketing. What happened: Vista wasn’t better enough.
2- Vista will miss the big PC upgrade cycle. A major enterprise PC refresh cycle started in 2004 and continued through mid-2006. In early 2006, I warned Microsoft executives that Vista would ship too late. What happened: The major upgrade cycle wound down, but computer sales remained strong because of consumer upgrades and a massive shift to portables. So, Vista missed the big hardware refresh cycle but caught another one. However, in part because of #1, many businesses opted for Windows XP instead of Vista on those shiny, new notebooks.
3- Windows Vista Home Basic is too basic. I strongly recommended against Microsoft’s releasing this version at any price. Microsoft executives insisted that OEMs wanted a low-cost Vista version for cheap PCs. But Basic offered less than Windows XP Home for about the same price. I called it a hidden price increase. What happened: There is limited demand for Home Basic.
4- Call it Windows Basic. Vista Home Basic was so defeatured, I strongly encouraged Microsoft to remove the Vista name from the product. I warned that Basic would tarnish the broader Vista brand and that its streamlined features put it in a lower category. I bet a Microsoft product manager $100 that Windows Basic would become the default nomenclature. What happened: Other problems affecting every Vista version, such as applications and drivers incompatibilities, overshadowed Basic’s weak feature set. Oh yeah, I owe somebody at Microsoft 100 bucks. I don’t recall who you are, but don’t feel impish about collecting.
5- Vista reminds too much of Windows Me. In late 2006, I had dinner with some Vista user interface designers. By then, I had used Vista betas for nearly 10 months. They heard: There are two Microsoft operating systems that the more I used them the less I liked them—Windows Me and Windows Vista. While not my intention, the comment hugely insulted the UI designers, because of how much Windows Me is regarded, even within Microsoft, as a marketing failure. What happened: Some critics have described Vista as Windows Me II.
6- One Vista version is enough. I opposed Microsoft’s Vista SKU strategy from the first presentation and, later, after some tweaking. I explained that Windows isn’t toothpaste. Too many versions would confuse customers, creating an unnecessary impediment to Vista upgrades. How could Vista be perceived as better enough if the buying experience was more difficult than XP? I strongly advocated a one-version strategy, but with differentiated OEM pricing depending on features used by the hardware. I reasoned the approach would simplify Windows purchasing while encouraging greater PC differentiation. What happened: The OEM market has largely consolidated around a single version: Vista Home Premium for consumers. It’s all Gateway sells, for example. Many enterprises are adopting Vista Enterprise, which is a volume licensing-only option.
7- It has to be multiple SKUs or Windows Experience Index, but not both. WEI would confuse Vista buyers because the ratings would contradict with some versions. For example, Vista Ultimate could conceivably ship on a notebook with WEI of 3.0 (out of a possible 5.9). Customers would ask: If it’s so ultimate, why is the rating so slow? I liked the WEI concept more than the SKU strategy and recommended choosing only the ratings scheme. What happened: WEI ratings were low the first year on notebooks, even those with Vista Ultimate.
8- Vista demands too much. From my earliest product briefings, Microsoft executives carted around big honking laptops—luggables—to get enough processing and graphics power to run early Vista builds. I was told Vista would need less power closer to release. Nope. I got my first Vista test system in February 2006. WEI: 2.0, on above-average hardware. What happened: OEMs shipped computers underpowered for Vista, even through holiday 2007. The operating system demands too much from even modestly older hardware.
9- Windows Vista Capable is a bad idea. Why could Microsoft possibly need two Vista logo programs? The connotations around Capable and Ready were either too alike or too confusing. I said that there should be one program for which everything truly was ready. Unfortunately, Microsoft didn’t consult me on the logo programs, so I gave my advice after the Capable logo announcement. What happened: A Vista Capable class-action lawsuit revealed embarrassing Microsoft e-mails about Windows Vista decision-making processes—or lack of them.
10- Vista security features increase complexity, decrease usability. Oh, I was a loud critic of UAC (User Account Control) and Internet Explorer warnings. I argued that Microsoft had made Vista much harder to use than Windows XP. The experience would be worse for many users. Going back to #1, Vista had to be a lot better, not perceptually worse. What happened: UAC warnings hurt usability but caused more troubles; new user rights mechanism broke many applications.
According to www.microsoft-watch.com
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WatchMojo Newsletter10- When team makes a basket, everyone hugs and squeels, “Yipee!”
9- Players look like that fat guy from “Lost”
8- Coach keeps pronouncing NCAA “NICKAHHHHH”
7- Before hitting the court, team eats a lovely meal of Fettuccine Alfredo.
6- They spend timeouts discussing who will win “American Idol”
5- Team let shot clock expire because they enjoy the buzz.
4- School’s mascot is a giant asthma inhaler.
3- Players regularly leave the game early to beat traffic.
2- Point guard is leading the league in hernias.
1- They score less than Eliot Spitzer.
According to The Late Show With David Letterman
10- When worlds collide in When Worlds Collide
In this classic 1951 sci-fi adventure, the world isn’t just behind the 8-ball. It IS the 8-ball. Another planet, Bellus, has gone off its orbit and lined itself up for a direct hit with Earth. Of course, only one man knows this will happen and the scientific community treats him like he’s Chicken Little. The film becomes a race against time to build a rocket that will take 50 lucky passengers to another planet where they can sustain themselves until they pollute their own drinking water, leave litter all over the place and build nuclear weapons to blow the other side to kingdom come. That’s probably what the sequel would have been like.
9- Zombies walk the earth for no reason in Dawn of the Dead
You can blame zombies on whatever you want: plutonium fallout from a downed satellite, biblical prophecy, public schools. The fact is they are here to stay and it’s either kill or be killed and be their dinner. George Romero started the end of the world in Night of the Living Dead and left them in complete charge by the end of Day of the Dead, but Dawn of the Dead is of significant importance because it shows how the zombies were able to take over the world. Instead of cooperating to survive and prolong the human species, selfishness does all but two people in by the time the film is over forcing the dwindling human race to move underground. The whole film is a lesson in cooperation and consuming. It’s like a feature length episode of “Sesame Street,” but with more cannibalism and people getting stabbed in the neck with screwdrivers.
8- The Earth is demolished in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
So it’s not the best version of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy ever done. As a matter of fact, it’s the worst. But the opening scene where the Earth is destroyed to make way for road construction with just a single pop was the way Douglas Adams himself would have wanted the world to end. No big explosions, no nuclear mushroom clouds, no giant rings of fire ripping the universe a new black hole. Just a tiny, delicate pop and the Earth is no more. It makes the biggest laugh in the film. The rest of it makes you wish the rest of the film would just pop off.
7- A giant apocalyptic rabbit in Donnie Darko
No film in recent memory mindfucked us more than Donnie Darko. This twisted, elaborate, winding road down the mouth of madness is capped off by the fact that the end of the world is either being foretold by a divine madman or a very clever guy in a bunny costume with way too much time on his hands. If a giant rabbit started predicting the end of the world, we’d be confused too right up until an airplane engine landed on our house.
6- Humans do it to themselves in The Day the Earth Stood Still
This film takes the alien invasion epic to a whole new level using the aliens as a warning that the Earth must change its way or feel the wrath of the universe. We all knew it would happen sooner or later. We litter all the time. We dump toxic chemicals into the rivers. We build nuclear weapons because we’re bored. Mankind is destined to destroy the Earth God created for us. Fortunately, a kind hearted alien stopped in to warn us of our impending doom. So what do we do? We shoot him. USA! USA! USA!
5- A child becomes the Antichrist from The Omen
The Antichrist is always the last person you suspect it to be. Christian scripture says it will be a man with a special mark. Jerry Falwell said it would take the form of a Jew. Everyone else thought Jerry Falwell actually was the Antichrist. No one suspects cute little Damien of being the being that will bring about the end of the Earth and open the portal of Hell for Satan to rule for eternity. Look how cute is when he rides his little tricycle and telepathically orders the Nanny to jump to her death.
4- Nuclear war in Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
There always seemed something remotely chilling and cold about Stanley Kubrick’s classic dark comedy. Maybe it’s because everyone has the bomb now and we’re just one mispronounced syllable away from becoming fried chicken crispers on the sidewalk. The film satirizes the Cold War concept of “mutual assured destruction” meaning the cataclysmic events of nuclear war would be enough to deter either side from using their weapons. It’s basically seems like trying to hold together the Hoover Dam with duct tape. So if the world ends because of one nutwing general who wants to teach the enemy a thing or two, don’t say he didn’t warn you.
3- A video game in Wargames
It’s the ultimate irony. We spend our days simulating Hell on Earth and a computer game creates Hell on Earth. And what’s the only thing that can save us? Why it’s a kid who spends his days in his room with a girl and a computer and paying more attention to the computer than the girl. Yes, it’s not only a sharp satire about how technology and nuclear warfare can destroy us all, it’s also the perfect film to advocate gay rights.
2- Aliens attack in Earth vs. the Flying Saucers
There have been a million movies where the aliens land, shoot up major landmarks while we shoot at them and then they die for some dumb reason that’s written in at the last minute to keep the film from going over budget. None of them holds a candle to the way Ray Harryhausen chooses to end the world: giant flying saucers crashing into things. This is the way I want the world to go because sure we might die, but at least we’ll be geeking out to the very end.
1- Aliens turn our dead against us in Plan Nine from Outer Space
It’s the ultimate plan to take over the world: reanimate the dead so they murder the remaining humans making Earth ripe for the picking. It would have worked if they didn’t look so damn funny. Those aliens are stupid, stupid, stupid.
According to Danny Gallagher on www.filmschoolrejects.com
