Top 10 Kids Movies Adults HATE
#10: “Space Chimps” (2008)
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Who knew that a movie about monkeys in space could be so…bland? If there’s one thing that works for this movie, it’s the stellar cast. The talent of the big names brought to “Space Chimps” could’ve been enough to save this space mission. But while a ton of money obviously went into the cast, that didn’t leave much room for anything else. Both the script and direction are instantly forgettable. And thanks to bad pacing, an 80 minute film feels like it's 800 minutes long. But the worst part of all is the cheap animation that gives the film a lousy, made-for-the-internet look. Send this one into orbit and forget about it.
#9: “The Smurfs” (2011)
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Adults loved “The Smurfs” until this movie came out. Like “Space Chimps,” the blue movie was full of notable names. The live-action sections even incorporated the lovable Neil Patrick Harris. But once again, talented actors are wasted on a movie that is full of clichés. The story follows a bunch of smurfs leaving their fantasy land and ending up in New York CIty. But adults have seen the fish-out-of-water premise a thousand times before. While suffering through tons of juvenile jokes, they’ll see animated characters that don’t blend well with live action footage. Only “The Smurfs” could make us not want to spend time with Harris. But they clearly did something right, as the movie grossed over $500 million at the global box office.
#8: “Norm of the North” (2016)
This animated film from Lionsgate was one of 2016’s first big duds. Released in the heart of January (which is never a good sign), “Norm of the North” is as rigid and lifeless as a glacier. Try as Rob Schneider might, Norm just does not have the makings of a Woody - or, if we’re keeping with the Arctic theme, even a Mumble from “Happy Feet.” The film is often hilariously incomprehensible, and the animation is nothing to write home about, either. Kids will probably find some enjoyment in the colors and wacky adventures of Norm. But adults will wish that he stayed in the Arctic.
#7: “Caillou's Holiday Movie” (2003)
One of Canada’s most famous entertainment exports is “Caillou.” The program is supposed to blend fun and education as it follows a curious four year old who learns about the world. Unfortunately, the show’s messages and the spoiled behavior of Caillou have garnered criticism. As its title suggests, “Caillou's Holiday Movie” sees young Caillou learning about various holiday traditions. It could have made for a fascinating educational experience. However, Caillou spoils the fun by being as annoying as ever. It’s fine if you want to distract your excited kid during the chaotic Christmas break. But don’t expect Cailou to replace any of your favorite animated holiday specials anytime soon.
#6: “Planes” (2013)
A spin-off of the “Cars” franchise, “Planes” was supposed to fly straight into the dvd market. However, Disney eventually changed their minds and decided to give it a theatrical release instead. That might help explain why everything feels low effort. The story follows a plane named Dusty who needs to overcome personal demons to win a racing competition. He’s mentored by an elderly plane and has an excitable best friend. If all of that sounds like a cheap knockoff of the plot of the first “Cars” movie, you’d be correct! Kids will probably love the characters and loud action. But adults will know that this straight-to-video Disney product isn’t nearly as good as what it was trying to imitate.
#5: “The Boss Baby” (2017)
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Alec Baldwin provides the voice of Ted Templeton Jr., the titular boss baby who works as a secret agent. He's an employee of Baby Corp that’s trying to infiltrate Puppy Co. before cute dogs steal attention from infants. It’s a fun enough concept, and the movie is backed by a talented cast. Kids will also love it for the scenes where a baby and his older brother do wacky things. However, adults will find that Alec Baldwin is just replaying his character from “30 Rock”. It also won’t take them long to grow tired of the constant poop jokes. Yeah, it’s a cute enough film, but cuteness doesn’t pass for quality. Adults wanting relief got bad news when a spin-off show and sequel were greenlit.
#4: “The Emoji Movie” (2017)
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This movie was dead on arrival. It received an absolute battering on social media following its initial trailers, with much poking fun at the concept itself. “The Emoji Movie” follows a multi-expressional emoji as he mingles with the characters named Smiler, Mary Meh, and Poop. The latter happens to be voiced by Sir Patrick Stewart. What even is this movie? Not only is it a bad film, but it’s also a shameless piece of branding that is filled with product placement aimed at young children. But the bright world and easy jokes allow the corporate cash grab elements to go right over their heads. By the way, does anyone out there suddenly feel like playing “Just Dance”?
#3: “Home Alone 3” (1997)
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The first “Home Alone” is an undeniable holiday classic. “Home Alone 2” has its fans. And then there’s poor “Home Alone 3,” which is like that ugly Christmas sweater that you “lost.” Released five years after “Lost in New York,” the third film replaced Kevin McCallister with Alex Pruitt, a young boy whose toy car secretly harbors a microchip. Writer John Hughes returned and imbued the film with wackiness and fun slapstick. But it’s missing the heart and soul of the first two movies. And Kevin. It’s sorely missing Kevin. Despite these hiccups, the sight of criminals stumbling on a kid’s homemade traps are enough to keep them entertained for a few hours.
#2: “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” (2009)
After surviving the first “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movie, adults had little choice but to sit through an even worse sequel. The movie seemed aimed squarely at preschoolers and very young children, who can find enjoyment in bright colors and animals with annoyingly squeaky voices. Anyone older than that small age bracket is sure to get a headache. This sequel shoves 100 plotlines into what should be a straightforward story about chipmunks trying to win a school contest. The movie has some redeeming qualities, including a strong cast consisting of Justin Long, Christina Applegate, and Anna Faris. But it is far too grating to be likable. We can only listen to these chipmunk voices for so long before we start breaking out the earplugs.
#1: “The Cat in the Hat” (2003)
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If you were in the midst of a crazy fever dream, the images you see might look a lot like “The Cat in the Hat.” The tone of this movie is way off. It betrays Dr. Seuss’s unique style and intelligence with bathroom humor and cliché slapstick. Although Mike Myers is a talented comedian, he’s also enormously annoying in the role. Kids will love the movie’s energy, wackiness, and bright colors. But adults will want to shut off the power to avoid having to watch any more of this cat on screen. In fact, the movie was so bad that Seuss’s widow, Audrey Geisel, prevented Hollywood from making more live-action adaptations of her husband’s work. Judging by this film, it was a good call.
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