Top 10 Dumbest Horror Movie Weapons

Top 10 Dumbest Horror Movie Weapons

Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the Top 10 dumbest horror movie weapons.

For this list, we’ll be looking at the goofiest, silliest, and most nonsensical weapons found in horror flicks. We're not necessarily saying they're bad weapons, or that the films are bad - some of them are classics! - but they definitely fall outside of the realm of what you'd expect to be used as a weapon.

Which of these weapons would you rather wield? Let us know in the comments below!

#10: A Basketball

“Deadly Friend” (1986)
Basketballs can certainly be used as a weapon. They have a penchant for jamming fingers, and if thrown at someone’s head, it can leave them with a really, really bad headache. In the case of “Deadly Friend”, however, they seem to have enough power to squish a human head into pulp. This shockingly not-so-good B-movie was surprisingly directed by horror maestro Wes Craven. It concerns a deceased teenager whose brain has been implanted with a robot’s hard drive. The hard drive both brings her back to life and turns her into a murderous psychopath. In this scene, the teenager accosts the withdrawn Elvira Parker and throws a basketball at her face, resulting in a death so ridiculous - and gory - that we can’t show it in its entirety here.

#9: Codpiece Revolver

“From Dusk till Dawn” (1996)
Director Robert Rodriguez never takes himself too seriously, and that silly energy is on full display throughout his vampire masterpiece, “From Dusk till Dawn”. In one scene, a biker by the name of Sex Machine steals a beer from one of the bar’s patrons, prompting the now beerless man to brandish a knife. In return, Sex Machine spreads his legs and reveals a double-barreled pistol in the shape of...well, you know. It is gleefully immature, but that type of lighthearted tone helped make “From Dusk till Dawn” such a unique genre concoction. What other vampire movie has something like this? For that matter, what other horror movie in general?

#8: A Watermelon

“Anna and the Apocalypse” (2017)
This British film is one of the most unique horror films in some time, effortlessly blending elements of apocalyptic zombie cinema, Christmas movies, and musicals. The song “Soldier at War” is performed by Nick and depicts his desire to kill more zombies than anyone else. During the song, one of Nick’s friends stands over a zombie with a watermelon. Just as the zombie looks up, he brings the watermelon down on her head, spraying bits of brain and fruit across his overjoyed face. We’ve seen many improvised weapons throughout zombie movie history, but this is the first time we’ve witnessed the use of a watermelon.

#7: A Piano

“Zombieland” (2009)
This zombie film is full of creative kills and improvised weaponry. Perhaps the best of them all, however, involves a nun and a piano. After killing a zombie, a confident Tallahassee declares it the “zombie kill of the week”. However, narrator Columbus is quick to point out that, unfortunately for Tallahassee, that distinction belongs to Sister Cynthia Knickerbocker, who rigged an entire grand piano to fall from the roof and squash a pursuing zombie. It’s certainly creative, and we have to commend the elderly nun for her ingenuity and engineering. You have to use what you can in a zombie apocalypse. Even if that thing is a piano.

#6: A Lawnmower

“Dead Alive” [aka “Braindead”] (1992)
This ridiculous and incredibly gory zombie film was directed by none other than Peter Jackson. Yes, the same Peter Jackson who directed “The Lord of the Rings”. The story centers on Lionel, a New Zealander who is forced to fight zombies after the local townsfolk become infected thanks to a Sumatran rat-monkey. In the movie’s most famous sequence, Lionel attacks a horde of zombies with an upturned lawnmower, its rotating blade facing outwards. Lionel proceeds to mow through the zombies, showering both the floor and himself in blood and gore. It’s one of the sickest and most absurd scenes in zombie movie history, which of course, has to be seen to be believed, which is why we’ll let you watch it on your own time instead of showing it all here.

#5: Car Shrapnel

“Final Destination” (2000)
Few horror movies are as creative as “Final Destination”. And few horror movie villains are as creative as Death. This film sees a group of high school students surviving a plane accident after one of them has a premonition. Having cheated death, the survivors begin dying in elaborate “accidents” as Death (with a capital D) comes to claim them. One of its victims is Billy Hitchcock, played by Seann William Scott. A survivor named Carter learns that he is next on Death’s kill list and intentionally parks his own car on some train tracks. However, he is saved by Alex moments before the train arrives. Quick to improvise, Death skips to its next victim, beheading Billy with a piece of shrapnel from the vehicle.

#4: Pogo Stick

“Leprechaun” (1993)
Horror movies don’t get much sillier than this. Warwick Davis stars as the murderous, titular leprechaun who is in search of his missing pot of gold. It sounds goofy, and it certainly is. “Leprechaun” never aspires to be anything more than an B-movie, and it contains a wonderfully corny death scene befitting its stature. It sees the Leprechaun attacking a pawn shop owner, Joe, after the latter takes his gold. The Leprechaun hides inside Joe’s safe and attacks upon its opening. He then grabs a pogo stick and repeatedly jumps on Joe’s lungs until he dies. It’s an extremely silly death scene that is made all the more memorable by the overly dramatic use of slow motion and Joe’s hilariously cheesy “NOOOO!!”

#3: Cotton Candy Gun

“Killer Klowns from Outer Space” (1988)
A certified cult classic, “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” concerns a group of aliens - that look like circus clowns, for some reason - who come to Earth in order to harvest humans. The killer clowns wield cotton candy rayguns, which envelop victims in some type of deadly substance that resembles cotton candy. The aliens then take the cotton candy cocoon, which looks like a giant pink light bulb, to a massive room. The cotton candy-like substance then dissolves the victim, turning them into puddles of blood that the aliens drink for sustenance. Welcome to the madness that is “Killer Klowns from Outer Space”.

#2: A Microwave

“Gremlins” (1984)
Known as one of the greatest horror-comedies ever made, “Gremlins” sees a band of small, destructive creatures terrorizing small town Kingston Falls on Christmas Eve. The inhabitants are forced to fight back - and to get very creative. When the creatures attack Lynn Peltzer, she proves far more capable than the gremlins likely expected. She shreds one in a blender, stabs another to death with a kitchen knife, and perhaps most famously, traps one inside her microwave. Lynn sets the timer and watches the creature squirm in pain before it explodes in a burst of goo. Props to her quick thinking and ingenuity. We doubt many people would think to use the microwave.

#1: Glass Unicorn Figurine

“Black Christmas” (1974)
Serving as one of the first and most influential slasher movies, “Black Christmas” is a Canadian masterpiece that sees a group of sorority sisters being stalked and killed by an unseen assailant. The killer is known only as Billy, and he gets quite creative when it comes to his kills. Billy approaches a sleeping Barb and grabs a nearby crystal unicorn statue. Just as Barb wakes up and sees the terrifying sight of Billy’s illuminated eye, he brings the figure down into her, fatally stabbing her with the horn’s pointy end. It’s certainly not a conventional slasher weapon, but it’s undeniably effective!