Free at last!
After a long, hard journey, the Fifty Shades trilogy has finally reached its unsatisfying climax. Did you find that last sentence tasteless and lame? Well, Fifty Shades Freed is full of obvious sexual innuendos like that. In the same vein as its predecessors, the final entry in E. L. James’ erotic romance trilogy is littered with problems aplenty. Critics have already started to rip into director James Foley’s film adaption, but what are the biggest issues plaguing this hot mess?
5. The Sex (Or Lack Thereof)
Although James’ books are infamous for their graphic descriptions of Ana and Christian’s sexual exploits, the films are surprisingly lacking in the erotic department. Fifty Shades Freed in particular feels more like Fifty Shades Tamed. The film’s depiction of erotica not only comes off as inaccurate, but boring and safe. In the year 2018, seeing a couple break out a pair of handcuffs just isn’t as shocking as it used to be. More thought seems to have been put into Ana’s wardrobe, Christian’s cars, and the beautiful houses they live in. This actually brings us to our next issue.Â
4. It’s Consumer Porn
At this point, the Fifty Shades franchise shouldn’t even be considered erotica anymore. It’s more like consumer porn, a subgenre that appeals to audiences who just want to see beautiful people consuming fancy products. The opening scene puts more emphasis on Ana’s elegant dress and her fabulous honeymoon than the consummation of her marriage. There’s also a car chase later on that’s supposed to be intense, but is shot more like an Audi commercial.
3. Ana and Christian’s Relationship
While actors Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan try their best, Ana and Christian’s relationship has garnered enough criticism to make a Top 20 list. In Fifty Shades Freed, Christian is as possessive as ever while Ana continues to make one bad decision after another. After multiple movies, though, you’d think this couple would at least get do know each other. Yet, Ana is stunned to learn that Christian has his own private jet and the two never even talk about having kids before tying the knot. For a series that’s much more dialogue heavy than it needs to be, our protagonists never seem to talk about anything important.
2. Their Friends and Family Get Subplots
If Christian and Ana are both blank slates, just imagine how boring their friends and family members must be. For some reason, though, the supporting players here actually get their own subplots and play significant roles. Sorry, but it’s hard to get invested in Ana’s best friend when we can’t even remember her name.
1. Jack Hyde
Played by Eric Johnson, Jack Hyde is a villain who’s so over-the-top that he makes everyday activities, like carrying coffee, look sinister. Throughout these movies, he’s sabotaged a helicopter, almost burned a building down, broken into a billionaire’s home, and kidnapped a woman all while eluding the cops and Christian’s highly-trained security team, who really suck at their job btw. Yet, whenever he confronts Ana, he always goes down like a wimp. This baddie is almost as inconsistent as… well, the tone of this franchise.
At least it’s all over… that is unless E.L James writes another book where Ana and Christian try to balance parenthood and BDSM. Now there’s an idea for a sitcom!
Let Us Know What You Thought of Fifty Shades Darker and Watch Our Video on The Top 10 Ridiculous Fifty Shades of Grey Facts.