Top 10 Biggest Douchebags in TV History

An animated parody of James Bond, Sterling Archer takes all of 007’s worst characteristics and cranks the dial WAY up. Arrogant? Check! Misogynistic? Check! Kills haphazardly? Double check! As a narcissist spy who’s disrespectful and outrageously rude to everyone he meets, Archer is the definition of toxic masculinity; a walking car wreck who you just can’t take your eyes off. Sure, he also gets some hilarious lines, but you probably wouldn’t want to be around him for more than a couple of minutes if he were real. Witty one liners aren’t so fun when you’re on the receiving end!

Hugh Laurie’s Gregory House is the Sherlock Holmes of diagnosticians. Cold, calculating and analytical, he’s unparalleled in his field but often seems to lack basic human compassion, leading to countless awkward social encounters. If you’ve got a strange illness, you couldn’t ask for a better doctor, but you probably wouldn’t invite him to your birthday party. When he’s not being blunt towards his patients and/or colleagues due to his wafer thin mental filter, he’s somewhat hypocritically battling his own personal demons. Nonetheless we can’t help but believe that beneath the tough exterior... his heart is in the right place. Or at least… we hope it is.

It takes a lot to be the biggest douchebag in an ensemble of douchebags! But Jeremy Piven’s portrayal of Ari Gold - the embodiment of slimey Hollywood agents - is truly one for the record books. Fans of “Entourage” will know its premise was loosely based on mega star Mark Walberg’s experiences in Hollywood as an up-and-coming actor, where he no doubt encountered ego-centric, money obsessed characters such as Gold. It’s even said Ari is based on real life agent of the same first name Ari Emmanuel, who apparently demanded his ex-client Piven be cast in the role.

Named one of the most annoying TV characters by Vulture in 2011, Andy Bernard is a character some love to hate, while others ... just hate. The combination of anger management issues, love for theatrical singing, and tendency to suck up to his superiors would tick off most people; so imagine actually having to work with the guy 40 hours a week! Bernard - played earnestly by “The Hangover”’s Ed Helms - was a late addition to “The Office”, but that didn’t prevent him from making a big impression with viewers. You often pity the man, but just when you start to sympathize with the character, he does something that’ll make your skin crawl.

The core cast of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” are pretty much some of the worst human beings imaginable. Dennis, Dee, Charlie, Mac, and Frank run an Irish pub in Philly, where their morally bankrupt behavior is constantly and excessively on display. When they’re not backstabbing each other, they’re getting one over on someone else - no one is safe from their ruthlessness and treachery. Oddly however, despite their infinite shortcomings, there’s something endlessly endearing about the group. And that’s really saying something considering they’ve attempted everything from stalking to kidnapping, with a little cannibalism thrown in for kicks!

Comic Book Guy may not be the: “Worst. TV Douchebag Ever.” But he ranks pretty high! He’s got sarcastic quips for days, and a cocky smugness about him when it comes to comic books, science fiction, TV and film. While his pop culture knowledge is admittedly impressive, his constant air of superiority suggests that he’s compensating for other ways in which he’s unfulfilled. He does eventually get married however, though not much about his personality changes, and as fans, we wouldn’t have it any other way! Shopping at his store on the other hand, that would be another story.

He may be a friend and collaborator with Kramer, but Newman is Jerry Seinfeld’s bitter enemy, and the closest thing the show had to a main antagonist. Newman is bitterly jealous of Jerry’s success as a comedian, as exhibited by his incessant snide insults. While they may have formed the odd alliance on occasion, the unity would never last and Newman would soon revert back to his condescending, critical self. Newman has actually featured in more than one TV villains list, but we think the style of the show is such that there are no true villains in “Seinfeld”, and so he both makes the cut and earns himself a high place in our ranking.

Knowledge might be power . . . but it doesn’t make you a good person! Rick Sanchez is one of the most intelligent beings in the universe, but he’s also a pessimistic, misanthropic, nihilistic douchebag. The 70 year old frequently drags his Grandson Morty (and sometimes entire family) into outer space or on dimension-hopping misadventures, where his sociopathic characteristics are on full display. If there was a Doc Brown of the Mirror Universe, this would be him. He most often uses his vast intellect to stroke his ego, for personal gain, or just to prove a point. But for the betterment of mankind? Not so much.

While Glenn Quagmire and Peter Griffin were contenders, it’s the Griffin family dog Brian who ultimately makes the cut. Pretentious, self-absorbed, and convinced that he’s above everyone else, Brian is a cultured but quintessential narcissist. While there’s nothing wrong per se with drinking dry Martinis, driving a Prius, or being a struggling writer, for Brian, these are all part of what makes him superior. Some may even wish he’d stayed dead when the show killed him off for a couple of episodes. For others, he’s a douche, but a lovable douche nonetheless. And where would Stewie be without him?

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions:

GOB Bluth

Jean-Ralphio

Christopher Moltisanti

Schmidt

Kenny Powers

He may be a fan favourite for South Park viewers, but he’s also an amoral sociopath, with little to no redeeming qualities. If he’s not making spiteful anti-Semitic remarks to his supposed friend Kyle, or sexually harassing Butters, he’s orchestrating the deaths of others for the sake of a petty revenge prank. Unscrupulous, exploitive, shameless, deceitful, conniving… the adjectives go on; Cartman is a douchebag and then some, and perhaps the most notorious of all to grace television screens. This is one character who is beyond redemption; let’s just be grateful that he’s only a cartoon!