Top 10 British Movies We Hope Never Get American Remakes

The charming tale of an English bookshop owner meeting a famous American movie star takes a whole different tone if the roles were reversed - with an American batchelor meeting a British actress. And the prospect of swapping Hugh Grant’s brilliant-but-bumbling Englishness with an all-American over-egging from the likes of Brad Pitt or Chris Pine would not be the best of moves. Plus you’d have to swap the eponymous London district with a US equivalent like Hollywood Boulevard. Just no.

This intoxicating comedy about two out-of-work actors is just as grim as it is hilarious. To escape their daily squalor, the titular twosome visit the English countryside, but they bring all kinds of chaos with them. The sheer eccentricity of Richard E. Grant and Paul McGann’s characters would likely be impossible for America to imitate, let alone the rolling British landscapes or public drunkenness in a tearoom. Set that scene in a Starbucks and it’ll never work!

Even though it’s already led by an American actress, the cast for this film series really shouldn’t be changed up. Expertly tapping into the life and times of a British thirty-something, Renée Zellweger’s Bridget brings charisma, elegance and exceptionally big pants. Turn her into a US equivalent, and you’d most likely mangle the loveable underdog archetype she stands for. The series is also stacked with delightfully English turns of phrase, which would definitely lose their impact across the pond.

Although directed by the American Jim Henson, and featuring Jennifer Connelly as the lead, much of this movie’s uniqueness is down to the screenplay by Monty Python’s Terry Jones. And then there’s that star turn by David Bowie. Could anyone other than Ziggy Stardust ever effectively play Jareth the Goblin King? Not likely. We just can’t picture the likes of Justin Timberlake ordering around poor Hoggle! But most of all, it’s the iconic ‘80s puppets that make this film what it is. And we’re betting Hollywood would substitute for CGI monsters.

A James Bond spoof about a stumbling secret agent with a well-spoken sidekick, who tries to stop an evil Frenchman from stealing the Crown Jewels. It really doesn’t get much more British than that! Let’s hope “Johnny America” never happens, when he and his stars-and-stripes sidekick try to thwart a criminal Canadian who’s striving to steal the Declaration of Independence. The ridiculousness of Rowan Atkinson is a one-off brand of brilliance.

The clue’s in the title here. It goes without saying that this Shane Meadows movie has England at its core, and any American interference would definitely dilute it. Of course, any potential producers could simply reshape the name to “This Is America”. But that would have to be a different film entirely, probably foregoing the gritty realism that the British original is famous for. A hard-hitting, controversial but critically acclaimed drama, it’s definitely best left alone.

Our American ‘friends’ have already annihilated the original sitcom with a much-maligned re-interpretation, so here’s hoping they never get their hands on the movie, too. First off, the lads holiday to Malia switches to Spring Break in Cancún, and it’s just impossible to imagine the US Inbetweeners attracting awkwardness as expertly as the four friends they’re trying to copy. The jokes, jibes and insults don’t translate, and they never will. And no one beats these moves on the dancefloor.

There have already been a succession of awful royal family films out of America, so any adaptation of this Helen Mirren Oscar-winner isn’t likely to be any better. Reshaping this British biopic for across the pond would probably be confusing, and just plain wrong. Of course, a lot of Mirren’s success is attributed to her accent. And, while not every American effort at English enunciation is a failure, they’re not always especially impressive either. Taint the tone just once, and the regality is ruined.

Given a stateside revamp, this humle British drama could quickly turn into another “Magic Mike”. Not that the Channing Tatum blockbuster doesn’t deserve its success, but “The Full Monty” works because of its understated style. Set in Sheffield, Robert Carlyle’s Gaz loses his job at a steel factory, so him and his mates organise a fundraising striptease. it’s bleak but brilliant, and very reliant on its North-of-England setting, accents and attitudes. And it’s another movie where the title would most likely be reworked… But something like “The Whole Shebang” just doesn’t do it.

Like most Guy Ritchie films, the director’s first flick is a bedrock for British gangster grittiness - often purposefully overblown with American audiences in mind. Give it a Hollywood remake, and “Lock, Stock” would feel way too much like a parody. Plus, there’d be no Cockney accents, grimey London street shots or brutal British slang. And though the likes of Jason Flemyng, Jason Statham and Vinnie Jones are pretty irreplaceable, the all-American tough guys would probably be drafted in. As much as we love Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, this isn’t his kind of action film.