Top 10 Funniest Times John Mulaney Was Funny

Childhood is full of merciless teasing from your peers, and Mulaney was no exception to the rule. His inherent geekiness aside, Mulaney was also scrutinised as an Asian-American for a good chunk of his school-life…. despite being born to Irish Catholic parents! Though, to be honest, it’s hard to rebuff the visuals! Mulaney revells in recalling the relentless teasing for something so inaccurate, and how it informed his subsequent fear of thirteen-year-olds with their uncanny ability to go straight to the root of people’s insecurities. Fortunately Mulaney is able to laugh about it now, and even take some pride in it when recalling being mistaken for a woman by a Blockbuster clerk over the phone.

The healthcare system is there for us to use, but not abuse. Mulaney learned that the hard way at a check-up, when he attempted to fake symptoms to get his hands on a Xanax prescription. The lies he spins about extremely frequent urination land him in too deep, in more ways than one: unable to backtrack his deceit, Mulaney is robbed of his dignity following the invasive yet routine procedure, and proceeds to black out during the follow-up blood test. Upon awakening, the doctor is gone, Mulaney is left with the eccentric nurse and that window of opportunity is closed. It's probably for the best, and whilst it may not have helped his already high anxiety, Mulaney seems to have learned his lesson.

Everyone knows that one peer from college who went on to do big things: for Mulaney's parents, that person was former President Bill Clinton. And yes, he was "Slick Willie" back then too, frequently offering to walk his female classmates back to their dorms. Fascinated by his mother's stories of Bill's charisma, Mulaney can't help but ponder what might have been had his mother taken the opportunity a little further. Mulaney’s entire special builds towards his own encounter with Clinton as a young boy at a fundraiser with his mother, and despite his father saying otherwise, the politician actually remembers Mrs. Mulaney fondly, and though we all know why, Mulaney puts it best: [“Because he NEVER forgets a bitch.”]

Tuition is expensive, there's no getting around it, and Mulaney is neither a stranger to it nor able to shake off the injustice of it. The comedian recalls his college getting in touch with him and asking for charity, and breaks down for his audience exactly how generous he had been to them already. With repetitive emphasis, Mulaney goes over his exchange of 120 grand for an English degree and a string of miserable life experiences before laying into his fellow alumni who clearly peaked in college. It’s difficult to say it wasn’t worth it; Mulaney has enjoyed a prolific career in the entertainment industry with no signs of slowing down; even if it did cost him “A HUNDRED. AND TWENTY. THOUSAND. DOLLARS!”

As we’ve seen, Mulaney has not made his dislike of children a secret, and along with his wife is still on the fence regarding having kids of their own. Mulaney muses on the ludicrosity of real estate television, then not so fondly remembers a time he and his wife were viewing a potential new place, and the realtor's presumptuous implications for their family future. Springboarding from that, he reflects on how awkward his interactions with young children have been, from babies that point to toddlers that haven’t learned appropriate conversation yet. Though poking fun, Mulaney essentially giftwraps a comforting message that you don’t necessarily need children to have a fulfilling family life.

Life in a big city can guarantee anyone a run-in with some strange characters and odd sorts, but for a comedian these are blessings in disguise and ripe for harvesting material. With this in mind, Mulaney recalls his encounter with a homeless man on the streets, and the odd order he chose to list his characteristics. As concerned as any would be with the irrelevant information he has been presented with, Mulaney proceeds to dissect this man’s thought process with the masterful pedanticism he is known for. What happened to the gentleman beyond their encounter remains a mystery, but based on what we were told…. you could probably piece it together...

Children’s safety is a concern for any good school, but someone was a little too overzealous when they looked up J.J Bittenbinder. Mulaney's school would host this eccentric violent crimes expert annually, and he would not hold back in making sure children knew exactly what to do when (not if!) they are abducted, teaching them an assortment of “skills”. The detective’s advice clearly had an effect on young Mulaney, who as an adult is still terrified not only of abduction but also the concept of secondary locations too. To make things worse, Bittenbinder got wind of Mulaney’s original stand-up and was not overly impressed with him tarnishing his good name. At least Mulaney knows how to distract him should their paths cross again!

In a story that sounds like it came right out of a Judd Apatow movie, Mulaney chronicles a high school party at the house of one of his least favorite teachers while he was away, and the havoc that was inflicted in the name of that hate. An army of drunk students proceeded to destroy the house. Though responsible for property damage and both provocation and evasion of police, Mulaney discovers the worst thing that happened that night was something he wasn’t even responsible for; the theft of antique family photographs. It is only years later he discovers who the culprit actually was and the chaotic motivations behind it. We all know teens will absolutely drink underage if they can, but that? That’s all kinds of evil.

Every comedian has had something to say about Donald Trump and his presidency, but none quite describe the absurd uneasiness of life under this presidency as Mulaney's colorful analogy of Trump as a horse roaming around a hospital. Even with his own admission that he tries not to dabble in political affairs, he is still able to provide a creative commentary on Trump’s administration, his supporters, his policies and even the tensions with North Korea, all under the suitably absurd blanket of a mindless beast wandering the halls of an infirmary with not a single clue what he is going to do next. It is a masterclass on political comedy done well.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

Breaking Off Plans

Tall Child

Mick Jagger

“....My Wife!”

Henry J. Finch IV

The simplest practical jokes are often the best, as demonstrated beautifully when a young John and his friend walked into a diner with a handful of coins and wreaked glorious anarchy. The two young boys queued up a seemingly endless cycle of plays of the Tom Jones classic “What’s New Pussycat?” before retreating to their booth to watch the confusion and anger unfold on the faces of fellow diners for the next hour. It’s a harmless yet effective prank on its own, but the stroke of genius came with the decision to insert a single play of “It’s Not Unusual” into the mix, feeding the victims with a false hope that their nightmare was over. My, my, my Mulaney: Why, why why Mulaney?