Top 10 Greatest Joe Moments on Family Guy
#10: Joe Needs a Change
“Trans-Fat”
It’s no secret that Joe Swanson is in a wheelchair. As a result, when Joe needs to use the washroom, it’s a little different. No one is judging, of course, but Joe doesn’t need to be anywhere near so weird about it. When the guys decide to go on a road trip, Joe reveals that one of them has to be in charge of his diaper changes, and he has selected Quagmire. Whenever a change is necessary, Joe says he will make direct eye contact and say, “I’ve got poopies.” Quagmire is understandably weirded out, especially when Joe accompanies the phrase with a delicate face touch.
#9: Forklift Flasher
“Peter Problems”
Joe wants nothing more than to walk again, and any chance he gets to simulate it is taken enthusiastically. When Peter gets a forklift, opportunity presents itself. Hoisting Joe up to his actual height, Peter drives on the sidewalk, allowing his buddy to feel normal (and oddly be regarded as such by at least one passerby). However, this doesn’t last long, as much to Joe’s obliviousness - his pants fall off. His friends let him bask in the moment, despite the indecent exposure. So, are they good friends or not? It’s the old friendship/genitalia conundrum. Should you tell a buddy he’s flashing everyone if it ruins his contentment?
#8: Halloween Hijinks
“Halloween on Spooner Street”
Halloween is fun! Every year, Peter and his buddies choose one unfortunate soul amongst themselves to be the target of pranks for the day - think Halloween Heist but highly inappropriate and severely hazardous to one’s health. It’s Quagmire’s turn, and the guys take advantage of his rampant promiscuity. However, upon waking, Quags realizes he didn’t spend the night with a lovely lady, but with an obvious Joe in a wig. Joe enthusiastically points out that he didn’t feel a thing, but Quagmire sure did. Hilarious? Or conflictingly disturbing? That’s for you to decide!
#7: Bonnie’s Labor Pains
“Ocean’s Three and a Half”
Through the magic of cartoons, Bonnie Swanson inexplicably spent 6 entire seasons pregnant. Early into Season 7, little Suzy Swanson was finally born. Everyone is gathered in the room for the birth of Suzy, oddly and unhygienically enough. Joe shows his usual colors, shouting at the infant to get the hell out of his wife - that’s so Joe! But before the baby can be born, since Joe is - well, Joe - Bonnie must first birth a small wheelchair. We all know this to be medically accurate, of course. It’s unfortunately a slightly more painful labor process, but it must be done.
#6: Freaky Joe-Day
“Papa Has a Rollin’ Son”
When his estranged father Bud comes to town, a terrified Joe decides to swap places with Peter. Bud has no idea about his son’s accident, and Joe recalls him constantly mocking people with disabilities. This works, with Bud Swanson not realizing his “son” no longer has a deep voice and overly chiseled jaw. He even unknowingly mocks his actual son, as he believes he is Peter, glasses and all. Eventually, in a Clark Kent moment, Joe removes the glasses and his father suddenly recognizes him. It’s actually kind of a serious situation - Joe does everything he can to avoid being rejected by his father. We also learn from this episode that Joe definitely got his looks from his mother.
#5: Paralysis Blues
“Three Kings”
We are frequently reminded of Joe Swanson’s wheelchair. It’s almost reminiscent of “They Killed Kenny” at this point, albeit less lethal. There are a ton of examples, but let’s stick to one episode. In the Season 7 episode “Three Kings,” the show pays tribute to author Stephen King, retelling three of his most popular stories. The first, awesomely re-narrated by Richard Dreyfuss, is “Stand By Me.” The famous bridge scene sees Joe’s legs get crushed by two trains. The second, “Misery,” features Joe as the sheriff whose legs get shot off by Stewie Wilkes, Paul Sheldon’s #1 fan. Thirdly, in “Shawshank Redemption,” Joe gets his comeuppance from the warden after repeatedly intimidating Peter.
#4: Joe’s Hopes Are Dashed
“Lois Kills Stewie”
Joe gets a lot of negativity, and could definitely use the occasional compliment. There’s an episode where Stewie is holding the Griffins hostage (it’s a long story). When Joe knocks at the door out of concern, Brian answers with a weapon-wielding Stewie hiding out of sight. The baby instructs the dog to tell Joe everything’s fine, and also to both mock and compliment him. Brian tells Joe he’s handsome, then quickly goes back on his word, leaving Joe dejected, saying he needed that boost. Joe does agree with the comment regarding his mother’s rear end, however.
#3: The Briggs Problem
“Joe’s Revenge”
Joe wasn’t always in a wheelchair, though he definitely acts that way. While working undercover in the 1990s, Joe was critically injured by the drug kingpin he was attempting to bring down, Bobby Briggs. He had previously told his friends he was paralyzed after a fight with the Grinch on top of an orphanage at Christmastime - which was shockingly a lie. When Briggs escapes custody, Peter and the gang help Joe find the criminal and get his long-awaited revenge. Though he only intends to do the whole “eye for an eye” thing, Joe accidentally ends Briggs’s life. But it’s okay, they can just shove his body across the border…
#2: Joe’s Got Legs
“Believe It or Not, Joe’s Walking on Air”
Joe’s affliction is unfortunate, but a Season 6 episode proved that he is completely insufferable when he has functional legs. After an experimental surgery provides Joe with healthy limbs, he drives his friends completely insane with his arrogance and activity roster. The highlight of this roster is definitely the recreation of the “Good Morning” scene from the classic “Singin’ in the Rain.” Peter and the guys realize the only way to get things back to normal is to restore the status quo, but that plan doesn’t quite go so well. In the end, Bonnie takes the matter into her own hands, albeit with a few misfires.
#1: Four Friends in Niagara Falls
“#JOLO”
Let’s get a little more serious for this number-one spot. Despite everything, Joe has feelings too. In a Season 13 episode, Joe watches as Peter rescues a child from a billboard display. This causes Mr. Swanson to contemplate his life, coming to the conclusion that he hasn’t, nor will he ever achieve anything. Eventually, the guys take a trip to Niagara Falls, under the guise of Joe wanting to experience the wondrous sight. He has other plans, however, and attempts to throw himself into the falls. The guys stop him (more than once). Eventually, shenanigans ensue and Joe rescues Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire from watery demises. Despite his occasional missteps (sorry, bad the pun), Joe is a good friend to have!
What’s your favorite Swanson moment? Let us know in the comments!
