Top 20 Games You Should NEVER Play in Front of Your Parents

As if the title weren’t enough of a parent repellent. Let’s face it, the FPS genre isn’t the most parent friendly one out there, but this one doubles down on the violence with one kick ass -- ahem, we mean violent and unnecessary gimmick. It doesn’t matter how fun and comical the characters are, as soon as a game rewards you for the way you kill people, you know know your folks are gonna wanna yank it out of your console. Oh, and the names for certain skill shots certainly don’t help either.

#19: “Saints Row” series (2006-)

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Hear us out on this one... it’s not as bad as GTA right? Sure, it revolves around a gang. Sure, it’s riddled with violence, crude language, and explicit content. But... It's funny! Doesn’t that mean anything? There’s crazy costumes and bizarre weapons like a dubstep gun. But really, you can look past all of that in favor of unique gameplay, right? And the camaraderie of the Third Street Saints is pretty commendable, right? They even go to Hell to save a friend! If that’s not a sign of friendship, we’re not sure what is!

#18: “Gal Gun: Double Peace” (2016)

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There’s a certain kind of aesthetic that can be found in some Japanese games. The girls are kinda... yeah, don’t look at that, mom. Let's try this instead: there’s a certain kind of plot that occurs in some Japanese games -- a below average male gains the attention of the female population thanks to... cupid’s arrow? At least we’re looking for our one true love and trying to fend these off girls, so you see, using pheromone shots against them is NECESSARY! We suppose that “Mom’s Arrived Screen” is a game mechanic for a reason, huh?

Tired of blood-sucking vampires? How about blood-sucking mosquitos, instead! You’d think a game with such a bizarre premise would be silly, but... well, it is silly, but it’s an oddly fun challenge to try and pursue the Yamada family as they go about their business. If they notice you, they’ll try and squash you, so you have to plan your attacks carefully and be cautious as you try to suck that sweet, sweet blood. While this game is most definitely the tamest on this list, there’s one stage in particular that will probably send conservative parents into a tizzy.

#16: “The Witcher” series (2007-)

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Geralt of Rivia is a badass. He’s also not the guy you take home to mom and dad, which is kinda a shame because the game series does have an engrossing plot that’s been expanded over the years. Geralt is a genetically enhanced human who hunts monsters in a picturesque open world. His journey is full of memorable quests, intriguing characters, and along the way we see him grow as a character. But sadly, the gameplay will probably turn off some parents, while the intimate scenes will turn off others -- even if they’re developed through romance... and the occasional brothel.

#15: “Soldier of Fortune” series (2000-07)

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We could probably put any war shooter on this list. We’re pretty sure someone’s parents complained about the gritty violence that tends to permeate the genre. However, we decided to go with this series for its GHOUL engine. And what is the GHOUL engine, you ask? Well... let’s just say it’s a destructive way to make sure your enemies have an awful, awful demise. Why have a one shot kill when you can empty a cartridge into an already slain foe OR dismember adversaries one limb at a time? Word of advice: if your parents walk in, just shoot the enemy’s weapon out of their hand and tell them that’s what you usually do.

Now come on, what can be bad about a racing game? All you have to do is get to the finish line! Yes, the title is a combination of car and armageddon and the box art is kinda terrifying... but that’s no reason to assume the worst! You don’t have to destroy the other cars or hit pedestrians... oh, wait, that is what you do. All right, how about a compromise? Maybe we could get one of the versions of the game released outside the U.S. that turns all the people into zombies. It’s cool to hit those, right?

#13: “Bayonetta” series (2009-)

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Have you ever looked at a game and instantly knew that there was no way you’d talk your parents into letting you play it? Yeah, that’s definitely Bayonetta, the titular character who strikes all kinds of suggestive poses and shoots up baddies with her heels. Not only does her hair serve as her clothing, but it turns into a vicious beast that chomps down on enemies. This is actually a less cruel way to go as the alternative is one of her tortuous attacks. Also your adversaries are angels, and this is the ending for the first game, seriously.

Come on, there’s no defending this one. The first game had such a thin plot that the main character didn’t even have a name, he just lost all control because he thought the Air Force had released a poisonous gas that affected everyone but him. At least the next games named him, if Postal Dude can be considered a name, and the plot was a bit more... relatable? He’s really just a dude trying to get through the day, and technically, you can get through it peacefully... not that the NPCs are gonna make it easy on you.

#11: “Duke Nukem” series (1991-)

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What can we say about good ol’ Duke? Actually, we can say that he originally wasn’t a prime target for the ESRB, back when there was a severe lack of mature content. It was his first 3D adventure that gave us the one-liners, the big guns, and the girls in need of saving. Several -- and we mean several -- years later, Duke returned, and we were ready for our parents to condemn the video game industry all over again. Sadly, they were able to breathe a sigh of relief because this was not worth the wait.

Not only should you NOT play this game when your parents are home, but you shouldn’t even let them see the box. A cute blonde who's playfully smirking at you? Yeah, this is not the girl you take home to mom, but it is, apparently, the girl you cheat on your girlfriend with... who by the way also has a questionable cover. Yeah your parents won’t like that, and they probably won’t be fans of the brutal deaths that can occur in each of the challenging puzzles.

#9: “Grand Theft Auto” series (1997-)

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A series where “grand theft auto” is the smallest crime you can commit, these games are the poster child of video game controversy. We assume that the developers always take bets over which country is gonna ban their content first. Most of the characters are criminals who steal, kill, steal and kill, drink hot coffee ….you name it, and GTA has it. We suppose there are characters who are trying to live a better life, but let’s face it, they’re gonna end up stealing, killing, stealing and killing and then probably use some really explicit language to top it all off.

#8: “God of War” series (2005-)

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Hey now, the God of War series isn’t bad, it’s kind of educational? I mean it’s basically classics 101 because it’s loosely based on Greek mythology, and they did nail the part about the gods being assholes. Oh yeah, and all problems basically stem from Zeus. Kratos does have a good reason to want to murder everything in his path, he’s just very... thorough about it? And sure, he can sometimes be the cause of his own demise, but he always makes up for it... by ripping off people’s heads, stealing their abilities, and partaking in explicit mini-games. See? Not so bad, mom and dad?

#7: “Conker’s Bad Fur Day” (2001)

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Was trolling even a term back then? Because if it was, then Rare definitely perfected it. After such wholesome games like “Donkey Kong Country” and “Banjo-Kazooie”, this... well we’re gonna be honest, this was ingenious! Sure, they’d stepped outside of the kid-friendly box with games like “Killer Instinct”, but mashing together the cutesy, storybook style of Banjo with a literal giant pile of crap that SINGS? When this game came out with that giant M label, we didn’t believe it. Just look at how fluffy Conker is! Aww, he’s... hungover, isn’t he?

#6: “Manhunt” series (2003-07)

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While Grand Theft Auto is a blended together mess of wrongdoings, Rockstar Games stuck to one extremely brutal schtick with this series: murder. Yeah, there’s a plot in there somewhere, but let’s be honest: this game’s selling point is the numerous ways you can end people. These “executions” are broken down into three grusome categories. With the game actually grading you, we’re fairly certain you’d be grounded for all eternity if you’re caught playing this one.

You know that awkward guy in the tacky suit who looks like a sleazy car salesman? Yeah, that guy has a video game series, one that revolves around one key plot element: getting it on. We have to admit, there’s something about that quirky music, cartoonish art, and bizarre, comedic moments... not that your parents will see that, they’ll see the girl in the hot tub and yank this game right out of your PC.

#4: “South Park: The Stick of Truth” (2014)

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As the new kid in town -- lovingly nicknamed “Douchebag” no matter what -- you take part in a fantasy game that, in true South Park fashion, escalates quickly. The humor the series is known for shines through with the game, complete with a fun, ridiculous plot, plenty of gaming references. But let’s be honest, if your parents don’t let you watch the series there’s no way in hell they’re gonna let you play this game, and much like the South Park movie, the raunchiness has been turned up several notches.

#3: “Mortal Kombat” series (1992-)

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Ah, Mortal Kombat, the series that responded to the controversy surrounding its violence by implementing Friendships, Babalities, and even more bloodier Fatalities. At the time, the most brutal imagery we’d get in fighting games was a picture of your opponent’s beaten and broken face, but Mortal Kombat added something a bit more... permanent. Grotesque fatalities have become a bit of an artform with this series and while other games have tried to mimic the brutal magic, but none have come close to capturing the MK charm that ruffled the feathers of senators across the country.

If you combined Candy Crush with the cast of an ecchi anime, you’d have this game. Here, each girl fits the archetype you’d expect: the good girl, the mean girl, the mother, and even the catgirl and curvaceous alien. Upon first glance the game looks safe enough, with dates taking place via puzzle games, but then... the last puzzle happens. Try explaining that to your parents while you match tiles. Those years of “Bejeweled” have FINALLY paid off!

#1: “Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball” series (2003-)

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If Mario and Bowser can settle their differences via kart racing, we’re fairly certain killer ninjas can get along for the sake of some friendly volleyball, right? This series is as ridiculous as it sounds, but admittedly it’s kinda charming in that “we can’t believe this exists” kind of way. With thrilling mini-games like butt battle, heart-pounding moments where you hope that cute girl likes that gift you sent, and new mechanics like tan lines, swimwear malfunctions, and a complete disregard to subtlety ... we would say to not play this at home, but the third game didn’t even make it to the west.