Top 10 Savage Stewie Griffin Insults
This baby throws all the shade! Welcome to WatchMojo and today we’ll be counting down our picks for the Top 10 Funniest Stewie Insults.
For this list, we’ll be going over the most amusing and/or cutting insults delivered by “Family Guy's” Stewie Griffin.
#10: Fashion Advice
“Bri, Robot”
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Brian’s birthday, besides consisting of some incredibly bizarre gifts, also leaves the dog thinking about his own mortality and his legacy. To help out his friend, Stewie offers to help him write his biography, citing his previous experience helping Cleveland with his wardrobe as proof of his qualification. A cutaway reveals that Stewie makes a remark to the Griffin family friend about the skinny jeans he’s wearing not being for him, despite Stewie’s love for him. This is soon followed up by Stewie immediately shooting down their neighbor Joe’s attempt to pull off a vest with no shirt. Can we really believe Stewie’s a fashion expert? He wears one outfit all the time…
#9: Lies
“I Take Thee Quagmire”
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An attempt by Lois to ween Stewie off breast milk naturally leads to disastrous results. Stewie finds milk from a bottle disgusting compared to the real thing. He gets so desperate that while at the park, he uses a swing to launch himself at a breastfeeding woman, knocking her child out of the way to take their place. Although Stewie is quickly pulled off her, he throws a parting insult at the woman, telling her that her breast implants are not boobs at all – they’re lies! When an infant can tell the difference, you know you haven’t gotten your money’s worth.
#8: Accept It
“Bigfat”
A trip to Canada for Peter and the boys leads to a plane crash after Peter’s antics go too far. After being separated from Quagmire and Joe, Peter must survive in the wild for months, leading to him becoming feral and wild. After returning home, Peter goes through the family’s garbage bins like a raccoon and Lois chases him away from them, only to wonder aloud who threw her sequined top in the trash. Stewie then shouts from off-screen that she should accept that she’s 43 years old, with the obvious implication being that she can no longer pull off dressing like a younger woman.
#7: You Albino Gorilla
“Secondhand Spoke”
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Stewie’s older brother Chris isn’t exactly the sharpest bulb in the box, with only Peter on a bad day coming close to his level of dopiness. So when Chris finds himself outwitted by bullies, Stewie takes an interest. The baby offers Chris to teach him how to deliver better insults. Even so, Chris’ hypothetical jab at Stewie prompts a lightning fast barb in response, in which Stewie calls Chris an albino gorilla and tells him to have another donut. Even when it’s just conjectural, Stewie does not hold anything back!
#6: How to Eat Healthy
“Run, Chris, Run”
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Far from the most popular kid at school, Chris somehow manages to become homecoming king. However, unbeknownst to him, his victory was only because his classmates voted for him out of pity or for a laugh. Despite Stewie and Brian trying to keep it a secret to spare Chris’ feelings, his arrogant attitude gets on their nerves immediately. After Chris declares he’ll be taking things from Stewie’s room, Stewie calls out that there’s a book on how to eat healthy that he can take, while also calling him a fat bitch. It's a burn with a side of concern. A concern-burn if you will...
#5: White Trash Hen
“Family Guy Viewer Mail #2”
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Everyone's the hero of their own story... or at least they should be. A short, entitled “Point of Stew” follows a day in the life of Stewie, with the camera acting as his point of view. And right from the moment he wakes up, the baby is delivering burns. When his mother changes his diaper and finds a dime, Stewie responds to her scolding by telling her to wipe it off and put it in her purse like the white trash hen she is. He then follows this up by pulling her hair and whispering that when he grows up he will never visit her and that she’ll be nothing to him. Real…but dark…
#4: McConaughey
“The Former Life of Brian”
“Family Guy” has not been kind to actor Matthew McConaughey and this cutaway gag of Stewie insulting him is especially cutting, and funny. Stewie repeatedly insults and berates McConaughey for being a terrible actor. But while Stewie’s barbs that the actor is “just the worst” and his wish that McConaughey would “get a heart attack” are hilarious, even funnier is the fact that McConaughey’s famously chill demeanor remains throughout, and he even agrees with Stewie that his movies are terrible. The kicker is that Stewie’s last and most outlandish claim causes McConaughey to assert that nobody can prove it. We certainly wouldn’t want any video evidence.
#3: Felix Ungar-ish
“Petarded”
The biggest target of ridicule on the show is easily the eldest Griffin child, Meg, and Stewie does not abstain from the tidal wave of mockery delivered at his sister. After Peter is revealed to be mentally challenged, Meg worries that this revelation will ruin her prospects for popularity at school. However, Stewie shoots this down as a possibility; sarcastically citing her numerous failings, including comparing the way she clears her sinuses to Felix Ungar from “The Odd Couple.” He rounds it out by claiming he might kill her later. Sarcasm and death threats – quite the summation of Stewie’s character no?
#2: Brian’s Novel
“Brian the Bachelor”
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This is easily one of the most famous Stewie insults and it’s not hard to see why. During an episode where Brian appears on TV show “The Bachelor,” Stewie asks him several times about a novel Brian has been working on for years, sarcastically prodding him about its lack of progress while breaking down the structure of most stories as his voice gets higher and higher over time. Although the gag does run a bit long, this undeniably helps it be so memorable, and, we would argue, helps make it funnier.
Before we get to our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions:
Path to Dinner
“Throw It Away”
Gavin
“Stewie Goes for a Drive”
Game Over
“You May Now Kiss the... Uh... Guy Who Receives”
Hatless
“8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter”
Ray Liotta
“Chick Cancer”
#1: Like a Knife
“Brian’s Play”
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Stewie’s insults about Brian’s creative efforts are some of the show’s best and this is one of the funniest and the most… “cutting.” After Brian writes a play that proves a local hit, the success naturally goes to his head. However, when Stewie asks him to read his own play, Brian is dismayed to learn that it’s much better than his. After going so far as to bury the play in the backyard, Stewie confronts him, lambasting Brian and his play for being mediocre and full of tired clichés and bad jokes. He then drives it home by suggesting that every person who laughs at Brian’s terrible play should pierce his heart like a knife. Ouch!
