Top 10 Times Brian Griffin Said What We Were All Thinking
Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the Top 10 Times Brian Griffin Said What We Were All Thinking. For this list, we’ll be looking at “Family Guy” moments where the family pet made the most of his ability to speak. Some instances may also be spoilers for classic episodes, so be warned. What are some of your favorite observations heard from the canine’s mouth? Bark about it in the comments!
#10: The Burden of Intelligence
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“Our Idiot Brian”
When a benign brain tumor is attributed to a sudden drop in Brian’s intelligence, Stewie tricks his recklessly dumb friend into having it removed for his own safety. Brian initially seems grateful for this intervention. However, his sentimental speech is punctuated by a sarcastic rant about having to return to a life of a squandered mind. It’s a frank reminder of how depressing intelligence can be, especially when it’s particularly aware of one’s failures. Brian also sums up the tragic lifestyle that fans have come to love more than they probably should. Stewie’s response that there are still fun times to be had with this lifestyle may be a relief for them. But it doesn’t seem to be a load off Brian’s mind.
#9: Stewie Doesn’t Age
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“Road to Rupert”
After accidentally selling Rupert, Brian tries to reassure Stewie that he’s getting too old for a teddy bear. It’s a logical statement when “Family Guy” was five seasons in at the time. So when Stewie reminds us that he’s only one year old, Brian is understandably confused. The two quickly brush off this awkward acknowledgement of the trope known as the floating timeline. This means that no matter how long a show has been on, its canon doesn’t age. Since this admits that it would be impossible for “Family Guy” to be contained in a single year, the show has embraced its floating timeline in many creative ways. But this quick exchange stands out for Brian echoing viewers’ shock that Stewie may never outgrow Rupert.
#8: Babies Are Obnoxious
“Screwed the Pooch”
It can be hard to stay quiet when a baby won’t do the same in public. When Brian has his meal at Denny’s spoiled by incessant crying, he shows the kid how to really make a scene. This startling rant against publicly shrieking babies and their powerless parents is considered a classic, intense Brian gag. That’s partly for the catharsis in him voicing many people’s outrage at this situation. Yes, it’s true that not even the most capable parents can do much about public tantrums. But, honestly, can you completely blame Brian for throwing his own tantrum?
#7: Where Do the Simpsons Live?
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“The Simpsons Guy”
The highly anticipated crossover between “Family Guy” and “The Simpsons” kicks off with the Griffins’ car getting stolen just outside of Springfield. Stewie’s question about which state they’re in insinuates just how lost the family is. Brian’s response, however, suggests that they should just keep that information to themselves. The American state that the Simpsons live in may be one of the great mysteries in modern pop culture. We all have our fan theories about where exactly the Simpsons live, but it sounds like the truth of the matter is a serious secret.
#6: So Many Songs Named For Women
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“Ocean’s Three and a Half”
When Stewie sets out to compose a song to woo newborn Susie Swanson, Brian mocks him every step of the way. At least Brian starts off on the right note by criticizing the lack of originality in the song title, “Susie.” He doesn’t miss a beat when Stewie demands that he list other songs named after women, coming up with thirty-one examples off the top of his head. This is a hilariously harsh reminder that the world is already full of silly love songs. If the title “Susie” is the peak of Stewie’s songwriting skills, it’s no wonder he ends up just covering Bryan Adams.
#5: Lando Was Wearing Han’s Clothes
“Something, Something, Something, Dark Side”
“Family Guy” writers weren’t above calling out their favorite movies’ plot holes when they spoofed the original “Star Wars” trilogy. At the end of the “Empire Strikes Back” episode, Brian’s Chewbacca notices that Lando Calrissian is wearing Han Solo’s clothes, then breaks the fourth wall to encourage viewers to revisit the original scene. Sure enough, during the movie’s finale, Lando helms the Millennium Falcon in his carbonite-frozen friend’s signature wardrobe. He likely didn’t have time to pack a spare outfit during the quick getaway from Cloud City. But the lack of context for this coincidental tailoring threw some viewers off. “The Empire Strikes Back” may still captivate fans to the end, but Brian reminds us that we and the filmmakers should’ve been more vigilant.
#4: “You’ve Got a Lot to See”
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“Brian Wallows and Peter’s Swallows”
Brian’s attitude about bitter agoraphobic Pearl changes after he learns of her tragic music career. While trying to convince her to face the 21st century in song, he stays pretty honest about its less romantic wonders. America’s obsession with branding after the 1960s is a particularly hot topic. You have celebrity politicians, baldness cures, political correctness and more. It seems like anything is possible nowadays, at least if you're not of a marginalized group. “You’ve Got a Lot to See” won “Family Guy” its second Emmy. And after over two decades, most of the absurdities that Brian observed in the modern world have held up. We can only hope to have better luck in it than Pearl does.
#3: Cancel Culture Is Absurd
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“The D in Apartment 23”
Brian’s Twitter obsession backfires when a racially insensitive joke turns him into a pariah online and off. When a mob keeps policing his contrived apology, he voices his real opinion. Brian’s takedown of moral harassment on social media first aired at the top of what would be dubbed “cancel culture.” While the value of the movement has been subject to debate, most agree with Brian that it’s cheapened by trolls blowing mundane political incorrectness out of proportion. Of course, his more tone-deaf comments and violent threats during the rant prompt him to move out of the Griffin house for the family’s sake. Brian comes home two episodes later, apparently not having learned much about watching what you say.
#2: Tell It to the Internet
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“The Former Life of Brian”
Brian Griffin requires more suspension of disbelief than the average talking dog. His particularly scandalous love life hits a wild extreme with the discovery of his illegitimate son. A thirteen-year-old human, Dylan is somehow older than his father. When Stewie addresses this paradox, refusing to believe Brian’s explanation of dog years, he’s advised to take his criticism to the Internet. This jarringly meta remark is an obvious response to “Family Guy” viewers who try to make sense of TV’s most controversial canine. Fans are certainly entitled to their beliefs, but most of them believe that you just have to go with this show milking cartoon surrealism for all its worth. At least Brian assures his critics that their complaints about Dylan are noted.
#1: The Dreaded Dream Ending
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“Lois Kills Stewie”
After Stewie decides to finally kill Lois, the epic aftermath ends with his demise. But then, it’s revealed that the whole bloody affair was Stewie watching a simulation of how his plot would pan out. When Brian learns this, he theorizes that anyone else who watched the simulation would hate the revelation that it was essentially “all a dream.” The twist that a major plot development never actually happened is considered one of the most frustrating tropes in storytelling. Brian speaks to the many fans who were outraged by this cop-out resolution to Stewie’s matricidal threats. They’ve since embraced this height of “Family Guy’s” cynical self-awareness. Besides, as Stewie says, a dream ending is still better than a “Sopranos” cut to black.
