Top 10 Games You Were Too Young To Be Playing

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#10: “Doom” (1993)

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When released over twenty years ago, “Doom” was a huge success. It received praise from critics and was extremely popular, acquiring over 20 million players within its first two years of release. How much do you wanna bet a solid chuck of those were kids – heck, one of them was me! This was really the perfect storm: not only was the first 3rd of the game widely available as shareware, but a lot of parents probably didn’t even know that videogames could even BE this violent at the time. Things would get worse in the future, but there were probably quite a few kids that got night terrors from hours of blasting the denizens of hell.

When released in 1997 for the Nintendo 64, “Turok” was praised for its realistic graphics, which, you guessed it, definitely contained realistic violence with tons of blood. Actually, the dinosaur part wasn’t even all that bad – it was the humans you start off killing that really drove it home: dudes who you shot in the throat would spurt blood from their wound before the poor bastard gargled and convulsed himself to death. It was even a little too much for adults, as many professional critics cautioned children from playing the game. Of course, this sort of thing made for great stories on the playground – making that much more appealing than Mario Kart…

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#8: “God of War” (2005)

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As badass as Kratos is, his actions are certainly not for the prying eyes of children. The game literally starts with two topless women being kicked out of Kratos’s bed after an implied threesome, and the nudity never lets up throughout the series. I mean…those Greek Goddesses clearly don't have any reservations about their super natural bodies. But stray boobies are not the only thing to worry about – as the game become most famous for its visceral, detailed violence – aided by the quicktime events that really made you feel like you were participating.

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#7: “Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball” (2003)

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Okay so, if you like this series, that’s totally cool. If you hate it well, good on you too, but just don’t make a YouTube video about your complaints unless you want to shut down the comments section pretty much right away. Anyway, the words Beach Volleyball are pretty much synonymous with scantily clad ladies – making it a match made in heaven for a fighting series known for the exact same thing. Heck, you can’t even tell you parents you’re playing it for the plot…you’d better just hope you have a good lock on your door and uh…both hand on the controller at all times, kiddo.

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#6: “Call of Duty” series (2003-)

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So, there’s definitely more violent shooters out there, but the thing is, Call of Duty is just so damn popular that it’s bound to be the one all the young’uns wanna play! So beyond the fact that it’s a game where …you know, you go to war and shoot people, the series also features some pretty intense psychological moments that could easily scare or disturb a child, including but not limited a massacre of innocent civilians at an airport, a protagonist being burned alive, and a character slowly dying while witnessing the devastation of a nuclear bomb. Anyway, good luck convincing your kids that Splatoon is just as fun.

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#5: “Duke Nukem 3D” (1996)

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Doom was pretty cool, but you know what was even better? Duke 3D. And I say better because Duke had a much more relatable, real world feel …which in turn meant that our on screen protagonist could pee in toilets, crack hilarious and often explicit one liners, and shoot lots of dudes in the face in betwee. Am I forgetting something…oh yah, BOOBIES - duh. You could go to strip clubs, hand the strippers cash and they see some heavily pixelated boobies! Who would ever wanna go play Mario ever again when I can have blood, gore, funny jokes AND boobies in your game? Shareware struck again – and we were never the same.

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#4: “Mortal Kombat” series (1992-)

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Even though the series spans decades, there wasn't anything like the controversy and kickback that these games caused in the early 90s. People had never seen anything like this, and the game was so controversial that it led to the creation of the ESRB and generated political discussions about the corruption of society due to violent video games. So obviously all the kids wanted to play it! Unfortunately, the game cause SUCH a stir that most of our parents heard about it in the paper before we could get them to rent it – be we all knew that one buddy who’s parents had a devorce and who’s dad let him play whatever he wanted, and THAT kid almost always had Mortal Kombat.

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#3: “Conker’s Bad Fur Day” (2001)

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So, this is a game that’s essentially designed to trick your parents. Conker may be a cute, cuddly creature, and the game may look like any number of childish adventure games of the N64 era, but don't be fooled - this was certainly not a game for children, and Nintendo tried to make sure to get that point across by advertising the game’s inappropriate nature via a disclaimer on the box. But, like most mature things, this didn't stop children from getting their hands on it. The game features crude humor in spades, an alcoholic protagonist, sexual content, profanity, and graphic violence in its multiplayer (which was amazing, by the way). So, as much as Conker may look like him, Banjo Kazooie he is not.

This one was a little tougher for us youngsters to figure out. I mean, when you’re a kid, you don’t even know that “Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards” has mature connotations and innuendo basically built into the title. Plus that dude on the front looks like a cartoon character, so it doesn’t immediately catch your young eyes as something that’s not for you. Then, after you get into the game, you take on the struggles of Larry as it’s actually pretty tough to score through the series of sub par mini games. And pixelated boobies aside, if you could actually get to them, it’s really the humor here that’s inappropriate for kids – not in the “Timmy cover your ears” inappropriate, but more “oh, Timmy won’t even understand that” kind way.

Before we shield the childrens’ eyes from our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

“Carmageddon” (1997)
SCi, Interplay
“Splatterhouse” (1988)
Namco Bandai Games
“Soldier of Fortune” (2000)
Activision

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#1: “Grand Theft Auto” series (1997-)

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The granddaddy of controversial video games, the GTA series has been causing headaches for parents and authority figures alike for years – so obviously it’s the game that all the kids want to play the most. This series really does contain everything even remotely inappropriate for children, including extreme acts of violence against innocent people, gratuitous performances of criminal behavior, prostitution, strip clubs, male nudity, obscene sexual acts and persistent drug use, among many other things. Honestly though, since we covered violence in other entries, I suppose the real risk here is that kids would start repeating the dialogue they hear in these games. You really don’t want little Jessica talking the CJ from Grove, now do you?

Do you agree with our list? What inappropriate games did you play as a kid? For more family friendly top tens published every day, be sure to subscribe to WatchMojo.com.