Top 10 Totally Unrealistic Sex Scenes in Movies (Mature)

Top 10 Unrealistic Sex Scenes in Movies

Impressive? Absolutely. Realistic? No way. Welcome to MsMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the top 10 totally unrealistic sex scenes in movies.

For this list, we’re looking at movie sex scenes that are possible, but not logical. Whether it’s the situation, location, or something else, we get the sense that these scenarios would simply not happen in real life.

#10: Unrealistic Lesbian Sex
“Blue Is the Warmest Color” (2013)

It’s the story of one girl’s “sexual evolution,” as she falls for a mysterious blue-haired stranger. Soon after meeting, Adele and Emma begin a relationship full of electric, lengthy sex scenes. Notice we didn’t say “realistic” sex scenes. Ignoring the fact that both actresses involved called the shooting conditions “horrible,” some critics have disparaged Adele and Emma’s sexual relationship, saying that director Abdellatif Kechiche opted to satisfy the male fantasy of lesbian sex rather than show actual lesbian sex. Some cite a lack of emotion, some say the positions are all wrong, and some say no one can have sex after that much pasta, but for many, the sex scenes in “Blue Is the Warmest Color” are anything but lifelike.

#9: Foreigner Fivesome
“Love Actually” (2003)

It’s pretty typical to want to get with someone with a foreign accent. But in that fantasy, that someone is usually a Hollywood dreamboat, not Colin Frissell: the British goober who keeps striking out with women. Convinced that he’ll have much better luck with the ladies stateside, Colin buys himself a transatlantic ticket to the magical land of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, confident that his Basildon accent will land him some American tail. Sure enough, in the first bar he goes to, Colin meets not one, not two, but three gorgeous women, all of whom definitely dig the accent. At home, they’re joined by a fourth hot roommate, satisfying a classic fantasy – albeit a pretty unrealistic one.

#8: BDSM
“Fifty Shades of Grey” (2015)

E.L. James’ erotic novel caused a sexual revolution in 2011, by introducing mainstream readers to the world of bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism, or BDSM. When it was made into a film in 2015, viewers expected it to be full of gags, whips, handcuffs and hardcore sex – and they were not disappointed. Who was disappointed, however, were people who actually practice BDSM. Many critics familiar with the topic accused “Fifty Shades” of lacking context when it comes to the kind of communication, wisdom and self-awareness necessary to ethically and safely embark on a BDSM relationship. Ana sometimes consents to sex that makes her uncomfortable, but for all the wrong reasons. According to critics, it’s basically just violent sex; not true BDSM.

#7: Sex on a Piano
“Pretty Woman” (1990)

We all know the story: Richard Gere plays Edward, a wealthy businessman who meets Julia Roberts’ hooker the heart of gold Vivian, and hires her to be his escort for a week. Naturally this business arrangement turns into a love story, because y’know, Hollywood – but audiences definitely loved it. When the two finally get romantic, they don’t consummate their relationship in a bed, but on top of a grand piano. Aside from the privacy issues, seeing as how this piano is located in a hotel lounge, we figure finding a comfortable position would be difficult. Not to mention, it’d probably be tough to “hit all the right notes,” if you know what we mean.

#6: Sex While Driving
“The Chase” (1994)

As if the premise of this movie weren’t ridiculous enough, they had to throw in a “sex while driving” sequence… Charlie Sheen plays an escaped convict who carjacks and kidnaps a beautiful heiress, played by Kristy Swanson, so he can make a run for Mexico. Obviously, they hate each other at first, but eventually they get closer, seeing that they have more in common than they first thought. Swanson’s character is so overcome, in fact, that she must have him then and there, 10 miles from Tijuana and being chased by a veritable army of cops. The result is a little hands-free driving and logistically impossible lovin’, the likes of which even Charlie Sheen thinks is a bad idea.

#5: Sexy Gunplay
“Mr. & Mrs. Smith” (2005)

What better way to spice up a dull, sexless marriage than with a little gunplay? Unbeknownst to each other, Mr. and Mrs. Smith are two talented contract killers, and they’ve been tapped to kill each other. That always leads to passionate lovemaking, right? Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are playing a game of cat-and-mouse, chasing each other through their house, each armed to the teeth and taking a shot every chance they get. The two end up face-to-face, guns pointed at each other, but it turns out that’s exactly what they need to rekindle the spark. They get down to business, not even letting little things like burning fires, broken glass or splinters stop them from their sexy times.

#4: Sex in a Pool
“Showgirls” (1995)

Okay, we’ll admit that sex in a pool or a hot tub seems very appealing in the movies, but the expectations versus reality ratio can be very disappointing. In “Showgirls,” all the stereotypes of how sexy a pool scene is are used and abused. Stripping down while walking to the pool? Check. Diving in without testing the water temperature? Check. The guy bringing a bottle of champagne and glasses with him, only to pour it all over the girl? Check. And we haven’t even gotten to the part with so much thrashing and splashing it looks like a shark attack. And yet still, probably the most unrealistic part of all this is how perfect her makeup still looks.

#3: Gymnastic Sex
“The Bronze” (2015)

Gymnasts are flexible and athletic beyond belief, so you’d have to assume that sleeping with one would be pretty entertaining. But how about one Olympic medal-winning gymnast sleeping with another Olympic medal-winning gymnast? This sports comedy-drama features that exact scenario, and the result is as well choreographed and agile as you’d expect. Tumbles, rolls, and plenty of other well-know gymnastic stunts are cleverly disguised as sex positions, creating a graphic yet hilarious sex scene. Melissa Rauch and Sebastian Stan do such a great job, we can’t stop laughing at how unrealistic it all is.

#2: Sexy Shoot ‘Em Up
“Shoot ‘Em Up” (2007)

She’s a sexy prostitute; he’s a sexy hitman – they were bound to hook up. The fact that they start going at it with a baby that belongs to neither of them in the next room is the least of their problems. Hitmen tracking that baby locate the trio and burst in just as the pair starts having sex. Lucky for Clive Owen’s character, he always keeps his gun handy, so he can take down enemies while keeping his lady happy. Maneuvering all over the room while avoiding bullets AND holding Monica Bellucci is no mean feat, but the fact that she manages to climax once all the bad guys are dead is perhaps most remarkable of all.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions:
- All the Sex Scenes in the Movie
“The Room” (2003)

- Sex on the Beach
“Swept Away” (2002)

- Orchid Orgasm
“40 Days and 40 Nights” (2002)

#1: Chinatown Love
“Crank” (2006)

When you’ve been injected with a drug that brings your adrenaline levels so low you could die, you need to be awfully clever to stay alive. Chev Chelios is a hitman who suffers this very fate and therefore must constantly put himself in near-death situations to keep his adrenaline pumping. Illicit drugs and general law-breaking keeps his heart rate up, but only one thing can save him when he’s stuck in the middle of Chinatown with rapidly dwindling adrenaline levels. Chev somehow manages to convince his girlfriend to have sex with him then and there, in front of dozens of bystanders. The unrealistic part? She actually seems into it, what with the dirty talk and changing of positions and all.

Do you agree with our list? What sex scenes do you think are totally unrealistic? For more entertaining top 10s published every day, be sure to subscribe to MsMojo.