10 Jokes in Kids Games Only Adults Will Understand
These Video Games are up to no good! Won't somebody please think of the children! Welcome to WatchMojo.com and today we will be counting down our picks for the Top 10 Sexual Innuendos in Kids Games.
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How did they get away with this stuff? Welcome to WatchMojo.com and today we will be counting down our picks for the Top 10 Sexual Innuendos in Kids Games.
For this list, we will be looking at situations and imagery that are sexual in context and were squeezed into video games meant to be designed for younger audiences. Thank goodness the youngsters were probably too innocent to notice.
#10: The Titles
“Ratchet & Clank Series” (2002-)
There are quite a few Ratchet and Clank installment, but did you realize that they have suggestive content before you even boot up the game? Smack dab on the cover of nearly every release in the series is an explicitly sexual pun. The second game started the trend with the subtitle “Going Commando” and this tradition of slyly inserting erotic themes into the names of the games has continued ever since. Up Your Arsenal, Size Matters and Full Frontal Assault are some of the many highlights of this strange but amusing joke that developer Insomniac slap onto their game covers. Adults will get a quick snicker but the kids…ah, they’ll catch on in a few years.
#9: Multiple
“Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story” (2009)
Let’s get this out of the way, the premise here is that the Mario Bros go inside Bowser and move around within him for a long duration of time….if that doesn’t sound suggestive to you, then maybe its just our minds in the gutter. This setup of a video game taking place entirely inside of a living thing’s body is just asking for sexually explicit puns and the developers do not drop the balls, er-ball in this regard. Around every corner is dialogue that is a joy to read for anyone with a dirty mind, with NPC’s saying gems like “it is I who added nuts to the statue” or “if we can stimulate this, something will happen”.
#8: Candy Kong’s ‘Sweet’ Services
“Donkey Kong 64” (1999)
DK64 falls under the category of being a “collect-a-thon” kind of game, with the player being tasked to collect nearly every possible banana, blueprint, gem and….whatever it is Candy Kong is offering. Sure, the game tells us it’s a music shop but there are few little details that lead us to believe otherwise. The jazzy music, intimate lighting setup and…. questionably voluptuous body structure of Candy Kong gives off vibes of a brothel or strip club. Adding further fuel to the fire are moments when Candy tells us to relax so she can “make us feel good” and if we stand closer, she’ll show us how to “use our instrument”.
#7: Healing Power of Love
“Zelda II: The Adventure of Link” (1987)
Poor Link. His perilous quest to rid Hyrule of evil time and time again puts the weight of the world on his shoulders and he gets literally no reward for his efforts. Well, one townswoman seems to have noticed the wear and tear of our green-clad hero and offers him the chance to come inside.... we know she’s talking about her house, but is this supposed a double entendre? Okay, okay. It may be a stretch but c’mon, look at how this plays out. Link is all beaten up and tired, he goes into this house alone with a woman and then moments later emerges re-energized and full of life. What do you think happened in there?
#6: Peeping Tom
“Mega Man Legends 2” (1997)
Who knew Mega Man could be a Mega-Perv? All heroes deserve a little down time, and that’s just what Roll decides to when she hops into the shower. The blue clad bomber must have been feeling especially blue in a particular area of his anatomy, as he decides to creep quietly into the ladies room for a closer look (and we emphasize the word ‘creep’). Just the fact that this split-second moment exists in a children’s game raises a lot of eyebrows. Its like someone at Capcom was like “you know what those Mega Man games have been missing all these years? A peeping tom side quest mission! The kids will love it!” Ugh.
#5: Is That a Naked Woman?
“Kirby’s Dream Land 2” (1995)
Unfortunately, not even the cute and cuddly Kirby can escape sexually suggestive themes. In level 5-5 called ‘Red Canyon’, the developers left a startling image hidden right in plain sight. If you look really closely at a group of blocks, you can see the outline of a woman’s body, from her head, chest, bellybutton, right down to her…. yeah, you get the idea. God forbid any parents peeked over to see what their kids were playing on their Game Boy, as that portable gaming machine would be confiscated pretty darn fast. Seriously though, not even Kirby can be left pure and innocent, is nothing sacred?!
#4: Suck it Good
“PaRappa The Rapper 2” (2001)
The PaRappa the Rapper series is known for its oddball material, but maybe in this instance they were toeing the line a little bit. In a standoff against the character called ‘Colonel Noodle’, the two begin to rap about the subject of just how tasty noodles can be and while we agree that they are delicious, we can’t help but feel they could have phrased this less…awkwardly. Many of the lyrics contain phallic visuals and references, with lines talking about how those ‘little slippery things taste so good’ and that we can choose to either ‘slurp’ or ‘suck’ on noodles. Colonel Noodle even goes on to say that ‘he knows we like it’. Don’t take noodles from strangers, kiddies.
#3: Life Extending Crystals
“Ar Tonelico: Melody of Elemia” (2007)
Many RPG’s are guilty of having sexual innuendos, however in the case of the ArTonelico series, they don’t seem too shy about it. Characters Lyner and Aurica are standing all alone, talking about if it’s a good location to ‘do it’. Aurica seems to be excited to follow through with whatever they are discussing, when suddenly Radolf appears and gives them a ‘life extending agent’, which is apparently very big and must be inserted all the way into Aurica…. uhh.This erotically fueled dialogue is repeated numerous times throughout the game, which begs the question of if the developers totally understood the hilarious double meaning on display here or not.
#2: Pretty Much Everything
“Banjo-Kazooie” series (1998-2008)
Don’t let the happy, colorful visuals and seemingly tame ESRB rating of “E” for everyone fool you, the Banjo-Kazooie series is chock full of crude, sexual innuendos. In the first game, Kazooie asks a tree how its nuts are feeling as well as stating that she knows where she’d like to stick an ice key. Rare didn’t calm down by the time the sequel rolled around either, with one level containing a giant hidden penis, a machine with the options to ‘suck’ or ‘blow’ and not to mention Jolly Roger’s bar with its homosexual undertones and a restaurant menu with the option for seaman’s surprise. What was going through their minds when they made these?
#1: Breast Enlargement
“Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando” (2003)
The list comes full circle, beginning and ending with the lovable lombax and his robotic compatriot. The innuendo they have this time around is much “bigger” than beforemuch, much bigger. For whatever reason, there is an easter egg in the second Ratchet and Clank game where if the player jumps around in from of an NPC long enough, her breasts begin to grow exponentially in size. Many gamers couldn’t believe their eyes the first time they witnessed this, but hey, on the positive side, at least we know now what it looks like when female aliens are aroused, right? That and teenage boys can gawk at their TV sets for hours.
Jamy Epstein [gamecatz]
“Not trying to defend Rare anything, but Banjo-Kazooie wasn't ALL innuendos. Just typical jokes in kids games. ”
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