Another Top 10 Games You Should NEVER Play in Front of Your Parents

As if the title weren’t enough of a parent repellent. Let’s face it, the FPS genre isn’t the most parent friendly one out there, but this one doubles down on the violence with one kick ass -- ahem, we mean VIOLENT and UNNECESSARY -- gimmick. It doesn’t matter how fun and comical the characters are, as soon as a game rewards you for the way you kill people you know know your folks are gonna wanna yank it out of your console or PC. Oh, and names like “gang bang” for skill shots certainly don’t help, do they? Sigh... all right, we’ll put it back, mom...

Hear us out on this one... it’s not as bad as GTA! Sure, it revolves around a gang. Sure, it’s riddled with violence, crude language, and sexual content. But... it’s funny! Doesn’t that mean anything? There’s crazy costumes, a dubstep gun, and... oh, t-that? That’s just a purple bat! Honest! Sigh... yeah, it’s a dildo you can bludgeon people to death with. But really, you can look past all of that in favor of unique gameplay, right? And the camaraderie of the Third Street Saints is pretty commendable, right? They even go to Hell to save a friend! If that’s not a sign of friendship, we’re not sure what is !

There’s a certain kind of aesthetic that can be found in some Japanese games. The girls are kinda... yeah, don’t look at that, mom, let’s try this instead: there’s a certain kind of plot that occurs in some Japanese games -- below average male gains the attention of the female population thanks to... cupid’s arrow? At least we’re looking for our one true love and trying to fend these girls off, so you see, using pheromone shots to make them moan and pass out is NECESSARY! We suppose that “Mom’s Arrived Screen” is a game mechanic for a reason, huh?

Tired of blood-sucking vampires? How about blood-sucking mosquitos, instead! You’d think a game with such a bizarre premise would be silly, but... well, it is silly, but it’s an oddly fun challenge to try and pursue the Yamada family as they go about their business. If they notice you, they’ll try and squash ya (30:48), so you have to plan your attacks carefully and be cautious as you try and suck that sweet, sweet blood. While this game is most definitely the tamest on our list, one stage in particular will probably send conservative parents into a tizzy.

Geralt of Rivia is bad ass. He’s also not the guy you take home to mom and dad, which is kinda a shame because the game series does have an engrossing plot that’s been expanded over the years. Geralt is a genetically enhanced human who hunts monsters in a picturesque open world. His journey is full of memorable quests, intriguing characters, and along the way we see him grow as a character. But sadly, the gameplay will probably turn off some parents while the sex scenes will turn off others -- even if they’re developed through romance... and the occasional brothel.

We could probably put any war shooter on this list. We’re pretty sure someone’s parents complained about the gritty violence that tends to permeate these games. However, we decided to go with this series for its GHOUL engine. And what is the GHOUL engine, you ask? Well... let’s just say it’s a gory, destructive way to make sure your enemies have an awful, awful demise. Why have a one shot kill when you can empty a cartridge into a dead body OR dismember adversaries one limb at a time? Word of advice: if your parents walk in, just shoot the enemy’s weapon out of their hand.

Now what can be bad about a racing game? All you have to do is get to the finish line! Yes, the title is a combination of car and armageddon and the box art is a little terrifying... but that’s no reason to assume the worse! You don’t have to destroy the other cars or hit pedestrians... oh, wait, yes you do. BUT NOTALL THE TIME! Only some missions make you wreck cars and kill people... all right, how about a compromise? We could get one of the versions of the game released outside the U.S. that turn the people into zombies . It’s cool to hit those, right?

Have you ever looked at a game and instantly knew that there was no way you’d talk your parents into letting you play it? Yeah, that’s definitely Bayonetta, who strikes all kinds of suggestive poses and shoots up baddies with her heels. Not only does her hair serve as her clothing, but it turns into a vicious beast that chomps down on enemies, leaving plenty of blood in its wake. This is actually a less cruel way to go as the alternative is one of her tortuous -- sometimes sexual -- attacks. Also your adversaries are angels, and this is the ending for the first game.

Ahahahahaha... ha... ha... yeah, there’s no defending this one. The first game had such a thin plot that the main character didn’t even have a name (0:33), he just went on a straight up killing spree because he thought the Air Force had released a poisonous gas that affected everyone but him (1:36:46). At least the next games named him, if Postal Dude can be considered a name, and the plot was a bit more... relatable? He’s really just a dude trying to get through the day, and technically, you can get through it peacefully... not that the NPCs are gonna make it easy on you.

What can we say about good ol’ Duke? Actually, we can say that he originally wasn’t a prime target for the ESRB, back when there was a severe lack of blood and shooting a girl who wouldn’t “shake it, baby.” It was his first 3D adventure that gave us the one-liners, the big guns, and the naked girls in need of saving. Several -- and we mean several -- years later, Duke returned, and we were ready for our parents condemn the video game industry all over again. Sadly, they were able to breathe a sigh of relief because this was not worth the wait.