Top 10 Best Mr. Garrison Moments on South Park

Since the first season, Mr. Garrison had been portrayed as a closeted gay character. With his anti-homosexual commentary being the norm, we got a sense of his true sexual orientation through the likes of Mr. Hat and Mr. Twig. It wasn’t until the boys went into the fourth grade that Garrison finally came out. In a nod to “The Empire Strikes Back,” Garrison confronts his inner self and admits he’s gay. Upon returning to the school, he proudly declares his new self-discovery to the principal and staff. It’s nice to see him finally be more open to his true self. Plus, it opened the door to a lot of great jokes as the series progressed.

When the town announces that Kathie Lee Gifford will be coming to South Park to present an award, we learn of Mr. Garrison’s dark history with the talk show host. As it turns out, Kathie Lee bested Mr. Garrison in a childhood talent show and he’s held a grudge ever since. Now that she’s in town, Garrison takes a literal aim at her as she takes the stage but is thwarted when Cartman’s excessive weight propels her into the air. It was the first time we got a chance to take a real look at Mr. Garrison’s character, as this was only the second episode of the show.

In this Season One gem, we get our first glance at what would become the show’s signature style. The kids are banned from watching “Terrance and Phillip” as the adults feel it’s nothing more than toilet humor. Meanwhile, a nasty case of the flu runs through the town. Throughout the rest of the episode, we see a constant contrast between the adults making bathroom jokes about their flu symptoms, compared to their disdain for Terrance and Phillip. As the flu hits Mr. Garrison, we get a good laugh as he exits the bathroom detailing his unfortunate bodily symptoms. It’s a perfect “South Park” joke aimed at those who claim the show itself is nothing more than low-brow humor.

1999 saw “South Park” make it to the big screen, meaning we could finally hear the characters drop certain words without getting bleeped. The movie itself was aimed clearly at censorship and people’s interpretation of various types of humor. When the kids then start swearing in class, Mr. Garrison is in complete shock at their foul language. Hearing the kids swear, Garrison’s reaction was a mirror to the audience who had never been able to hear the kids talk like this on television. For someone as inappropriate as Mr. Garrison, it’s hilarious to see his reaction to a few cuss words.

Long after coming out as gay, Mr. Garrison claims to feel like a woman on the inside and wishes to transition. All goes well, and the new Mrs. Garrison is happy to join the likes of other women. Her happiness is soon thwarted by the knowledge she can’t experience some of the same things as a biological woman. Despite that, by the end of the episode, she’s embraced her new identity and shouts to the world [“Hey guys, this girl is staying a woman”]. It’s an episode that gives us both ends of the spectrum for Garrison’s character, including her outlandish humor and a serious tone about self-acceptance.

Towards the end of Season 10, “South Park” tackled the science versus religion debate through a creative two-part episode. Mrs. Garrison is told she needs to teach evolution as it’s in the school curriculum. When she responds by stating that, [“Evolution is a theory. A hair-brained theory that says I am a monkey. I’m not a monkey. I’m a woman”], the principal informs her the students are ready to learn about evolution. What follows is perhaps the funniest, albeit crudest, illustration of evolution ever brought to screen. From mutant fish-hands to frog-squirrels, Mrs. Garrison’s begrudging explanation of evolution brings laughs every time. And let’s not forget when she had to sit through a lesson on evolution...

So far on this list, we’ve seen Mr. Garrison go from being a closeted man to an openly gay man, and then transitioning to a woman. Then along came Season 11 and Mrs. Garrison went through another change. After another failed date, Mrs. Garrison meets a woman named Allison whom she ultimately spends the night with. Moving forward, Garrison is committed to the life of being a lesbian who spends her time in a bar with a name tailored towards its target demographic. Between the “300” themed bar fights and her mocking of men’s treatment of her, she certainly stands by her life choices.

If you’ve followed “South Park” long enough, you’ll surely remember Mr. Hat. Garrison later replaced him with Mr. Twig before reconnecting with Mr. Hat. However, neither of those puppets would compare to the likes of Mr. Slave. When Garrison learns he could sue the school if they fire him for being gay, we are introduced to his next teacher’s assistant. Mr. Garrison then proceeds to use his assistant in a whole manner of ways not fit for any classroom. It’s not only funny, but also poignant when Mr. Garrison points out how ridiculous the idea of “tolerance” has become in South Park.

With an influx of Canadians showing up in South Park, Mr. Garrison’s stance on immigration begins to show its ugly head. [“You really think you can refer to an undocumented immigrant as a ‘canook’”]. He even decides to sing a song about how he feels his country has gone missing since the borders were opened. As his rhetoric increases, Garrison finds himself spiraling down a crazy path that leads him literally into a barrel over Niagara Falls; all in the name of his immigration ideas. It’s hard not to smirk at Garrison’s actions when you can clearly tell who the show is poking fun at. Although his suggestions are far over-the-top, it’s a perfect comedic outing for such a wild character.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

Transitioning Back to a Man, “Eek, a Penis!”
It Took Him 12 Seasons to Do This Lap

Marries Richard Dawkins, “Go God Go XII’
The 26th Century Took a Sharp Turn After This One

Creates the IT, “The Entity”
Is the Airport Really That Bad That You’d Drive One of These?

Locks Presidentials Up, “Doubling Down”
Not Even Mitch McConnell Can Stand Up to the President

The Flamethrower & The Pangolin, “The Pandemic Special”
Mr. Garrison Wants Things to Stay Just the Way They Are

At a time when virtually everyone was parodying the presidential campaign and eventually the presidency of Donald Trump, “South Park” delivered one of the freshest takes through Mr. Garrison. No one in the town of South Park would have expected Mr. Garrison to be elected president. On a number of occasions, Garrison himself tried to throw the election, but to no avail. But by the time the election came around, though, he easily defeated Hillary Clinton by 68 electoral votes. Garrison soon finds himself enjoying the perks and power that come with being POTUS. He’s come a long way since being a 3rd grade teacher and his reign as president is as chaotic as his classroom ever was.