Top 10 Dumbest Companies in Video Games

“Fallout” series (1997-)
Is there anything that this company does right? Next to Nuka-Cola, Vault-TEC has to be the most recognizable company in the “Fallout” universe. (We mean, hey, that Vault Boy character is pretty charming and adorable, right?) If only the corporation could put its intelligence on the same level as its charisma. Yes, tricking people to become your experimental guinea pigs in exchange for their protection is a cunning plan... if only the plan worked. Most of the Vault-TEC’s experiments have ended poorly for Vault dwellers, often resulting in everyone dying or suffering mutations. Something tells us the company didn’t think their projects all the way through, otherwise we wouldn’t have a bunch of Garys running around.

“Danganronpa” series (2010-)
For a school that only accepts students with best skills, you’d think Hope’s Peak Academy would hold some prestige, some class to back up its strict enrollment criteria. On the contrary, the school is run by a bunch of idiots... or, at least, it was before the faculty were all violently assaulted by their own students. In an effort to lift Hope’s Peak Academy out of a financial crisis, the school raised tuition costs, accepted more students, and shoved said students into a program known as the “Reserve Course.” When students began discriminating against the “Reserve Course” kids, it caused a massive uproar that became infamously known as the Tragedy. Basically, the school created social classes to try and boost profit margins. Bright idea.

“Assassin’s Creed” series (2007-)
When they aren’t yanking you out of the Animus and disrupting the flow of gameplay, Abstergo Industries is touting itself as the Templar’s greatest ally. After playing through “Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag,” however, they prove to be about as flip-floppy as a politician. Abstergo Entertainment is supposed to be turning these memories into games and movies for its consumers, but its parent company, Abstergo Industries, is supposed to be the face of the Templars. And yet, you play as a guy who kills Templars and lives the life of a pirate assassin. Is Abstergo about to have a workers strike or is it trying to promote the Templar’s enemies? Guys, get your story straight - are you with the Templars or against them?

“Five Nights at Freddy’s” series (2014-)
When you’re running a company whose target audiences are families, it might be best to make sure your company is a family-friendly environment. Fazbear Entertainment has failed this time and time again, leaving several corpses in its neglectful wake. Every time a child goes missing or is stuffed into an animatronic suit, the company goes into crisis management and shuts down the entire business only to re-open under a new name. On top of that, the company continuously works with Afton Robotics, despite their history of hazardous animatronics. The company even hired a team of game developers to try and expunge their history, passing them off as pure “fabrications.” At this point, it’d be a fallacy to think there’s any redemption for the Fazbear brand.

“A Hat in Time” (2017)
At first glance, Mafia Town seems like a well-organized crime base. With their own functioning society (complete with its own seafood establishment), it seems like the Mafia Goons can function well on their own. Once Hat Kid enters the town, our impressions are quickly proven untrue. Hat Kid can easily wipe the floor with them by pouncing on their bald heads. They won’t even try to attack a creature half their size, as evident in the world’s third act. It’s clear that the Mafia has no other means of attack outside of “charge forward or run away.” At least Bowser’s Goombas get creative in battle tactics!

“Destroy All Humans!” series (2005-)
Speaking of massive organizations that can't capture a miniscule threat, Majestic! This international agency aims to take down the Furon race while also secretly plotting its own quest for world domination. What makes these top-of-the-line agents so stupid? Well, the Furons aren't invading Earth with full force just yet. Pox has only sent out a single Cryptosporidium to observe human behavior and begin sabotaging government facilities. It's just Crypto. Do you see where we’re going with this? How does a global organization like Majestic fail so spectacularly at capturing a single alien? You’d think they’d start improving their equipment, but that idea seems to fly right over their heads. Oh well, whatever makes Crypto look like the good guy, right?

“Pokémon” series (1996-)
And here we have the most legendary of infamous criminals in the “Pokémon” franchise. If only they were legendary for nefarious schemes, clever cons, and vicious muggings. Unfortunately, “legendary” only applies to their reputation, and it’s because of how they manage to fail miserably in every battle. These thugs think they can intimidate people with their endless supply of Zubats, Rattatas, and Koffings when, in reality, they can be wiped out rather quickly. Do they not know that there are more powerful Pokémon to capture? Does leader Giovanni keep them on a strict list of Pokémon pre-approved for criminal use, or are they just that dimwitted? Either way, Team Rocket is run by idiots, and that’s without mentioning Jesse and James.

“Portal” series (2007-11)
We’ll admit that Aperture Science has made quite a few breakthroughs in science between a gun that creates portals and Propulsion Gel. So, what put such brilliant minds on a list such as this? Our finger points to Cave Johnson, the company’s founder who is actually a total nutcase! After learning about him in “Portal 2,” we can’t help but wonder how anyone was comfortable working under this guy’s leadership. For starters, Johnson’s last wish was to have his wife’s brain put into a computer, which soon resulted in the disastrous “Bring Your Daughter to Work” Day. Oh, and he got himself deathly sick from nabbing moonrocks. Had Aperture Science been in better hands, they’d probably still be around and laughing about Johnson’s lemon rant.

“Resident Evil” series (1996-)
You know, for a massive company of brilliant doctors and scientists, the Umbrella Corporation has become one giant conglomerate of dolts. These morons weren’t developing drugs to cure cancer or create new medicines; they were obsessed with manipulating DNA and creating bio-weapons, thus giving birth to monstrosities like Mr. X and Nemesis. On top of that, Umbrella thinks they can solve the problem with their own troops? Please, your recruitment program must be your biggest expense given how many of them are eaten alive. At this point, you’re feeding the very monsters you’ve created, which, in turn, only ADDS to the problem! Is there no logic in your noggins?!

“DOOM” series (1993-)
As the human race struggles with an energy crisis, the Union Aerospace Corporation discovers an energy source on Mars that originates from Hell. Not only did they keep that detail hidden from the public, but they proceeded to explore Hell while stealing its artifacts. On top of that, they knew that one of their own scientists, Dr. Olivia Pierce, had formed a satanic cult with her staff, and did nothing! Even after the demons were unleashed, UAC director and self-absorbed dolt Samuel Hayden failed to acknowledge his mistakes! Instead of thanking the Doom Slayer for saving mankind’s butt, he sends the Slayer packing and plots further research into the Crucible. Like, dude!! This is obviously something that shouldn’t be messed with! WHERE. IS. THE LOGIC?!