Top 10 Hilariously Bad Horror Movie Villains
#10: Sam
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“Uncle Sam” (1996) What do you get when you combine American patriotism and a homicidal maniac? Why homicidal maniac Uncle Sam, of course! In the film, a soldier’s body is returned to his home in its coffin, only to have its occupant rise from the dead, acquire a patriotic costume from some local festivities and lethally let loose on the townspeople. As if the outfit wasn’t comic enough, Sam’s face is really non-threatening. He looks more like an unfinished ventriloquist dummy and much less like a proper zombie. We’re getting some serious Mugatu vibes. Oh, and don’t feel bad for him - it turns out human Sam wasn’t fighting for his country: he was in it for the legal murder. He did not earn that cheap costume he wears.
#9: Ben Willis
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“I Know What You Did Last Summer” franchise (1997-) Let’s have a closer look at the villain in this franchise. A group of teens runs over a fisherman, and instead of just calling the authorities, they decide to get rid of the body and pretend it never happened. It turns out he isn’t actually dead, and he comes back to slash all those responsible for the hit and run. This would perhaps be understandable, but then there’s a whole b-story about his daughter, and him having just killed her boyfriend prior to being run over. His motivations get a little muddy. The teens had no idea he had freshly murdered someone. If anything, they did him a favor. He can just disappear, right? Nope. Just hold a lengthy, inexplicable grudge. The sequels make even less sense.
#8: Jack Frost
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“Jack Frost” (1997) Remember that old “Frosty the Snowman” cartoon, where he comes to life and sings? This is the same, only Frosty is possessed by the soul of a serial killer. In “Jack Frost”, the titular character is a convicted murderer on his way to death row when the car crashes into a chemical truck. Frost gets magically fused with the snow, and a psychotic, evil snowman is born to terrorize the town of… get this… Snowmonton. After a rampage that involves Christmas light strangulation and pretending to be bath water, Jack Frost is defeated when he is launched into a truck bed full of antifreeze. It’s a little difficult to be scared of a villain one can defeat with a good, strong blow dryer.
#7: Ro-Man
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“Robot Monster” (1953) There’s really nothing like old, terrible monster movies. 1953’s “Robot Monster” features an invasion of Earth by a moon creature that is oddly very well-spoken in English. “Ro-Man” is a half-gorilla-esque creature with what seems to be an old-fashioned scuba suit for a head. The film unsurprisingly is considered one of the worst ever made. Ro-Man destroys all but eight humans on Earth with his death ray. One of the eight is Alice, with whom the moon man falls in love for some reason. Sure, aliens have been taking over the cinematic Earth for decades, and we’re all for it. But this Party City bargain bin reject is one of the most ridiculous invaders we’ve ever seen.
#6: Belial
“Basket Case” (1982) With a budget of $35,000, just how scary can you get? While 1982’s “Basket Case” has become somewhat of a cult classic, it is perhaps due to the campy practical effects and unintentional hilarity that results. In the film, a man carries and telepathically communicates with his regretfully removed conjoined twin in a basket. The two seek revenge for their separation and commit murders in retaliation. Their names are Duane and Belial… can you guess which one is the basket creature? Though this could be interesting in theory, Belial basically looks like a discarded piece of rubber with a face and sometimes moves in bad stop-motion.
#5: The Bratzis
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“Yoga Hosers” (2016) Some films are just… celluloid dumpster fires. Kevin Smith’s “Yoga Hosers” was really not well received by critics, and the reason seems fairly obvious even to someone who hasn’t seen the film. Part of Smith’s “True North” trilogy that began with 2014’s “Tusk,” “Yoga Hosers” features two shop clerks who defend themselves against underground Nazi clones using their yoga techniques. We’re not making this up: the clones are a foot tall and made of bratwurst (yes, the sausages). They’re called “Bratzis.” Worse than that, they have little recognizable mustaches and speak German. There’s campy and then there’s just… bad. This is a prime example of the latter.
#4: Ricky Caldwell
“Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2” (1987) If you don’t have any original ideas for sequels, you end up with a film like this one. The sequel to 1984’s “Silent Night, Deadly Night” relies so heavily on the original that it contains at least 30 minutes of flashback footage from the first film. In the original, Billy Chapman goes on a murder spree in a Santa suit, due to his trauma from seeing his parents murdered by a jolly fat man when he was a child. The sequel features his brother Ricky doing the same thing; he is expertly inserted into the flashback footage to include him a little more. The acting is bad, the story is recycled, and the entire film is just embarrassing. Garbage day, indeed.
#3: Dr. Josef Heiter
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“The Human Centipede (First Sequence)” (2009) There are a lot of these “crazed scientist/doctor doing human experiments” films. Arguably, however, none so nausea-inducing as “The Human Centipede.” Dr. Josef Heiter is a world-famous surgeon, known for his expert separations of conjoined twins. However, he dreams of doing the opposite: sewing humans together to create new creatures. He tried with three dogs, but none survived the surgery. So, he creates a surgically combined human centipede and attempts to keep it as a pet. Actor Dieter Laser really plays it over the top, and we really can’t look past the disgusting part of all this. Get a different hobby, doc! Maybe, collect non-lethal stamps?
#2: The Gingerdead Man
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“The Gingerdead Man” franchise (2005-) Really, all we have to say is “Gary Busey stars as a psychotic cookie” for this entry. Murderer Millard Findlemeyer is put to death by his state, and his ashes are sent to his mother who puts them into some gingerbread mix and leaves them on the steps of a bakery. The baker makes a large gingerbread man, which gets animated upon receiving a surge of electricity. The newly baptized “Gingerdead Man” then goes on a rampage involving baking tools and various cake decorations. Why didn’t anyone just throw some milk at him? Wouldn’t that have softened his cookie bones? Do cookies have bones? Also, it’s Gary Busey as a murderous cookie.
#1: Creedence Leonore Gielgud
“Troll 2” (1990) Putting aside the fact that this movie is terrible, let’s take a closer look at its villainous characters. Creedence Leonore Gielgud (other than having a terrible name) is a Druidic witch who haunts and terrorizes the town of Nilbog (goblin backwards, get it?) with her goblin henchmen, who are equally ridiculous. Gielgud turns humans into plant-like materials using poisoned food, and the human-plants are then used to feed the goblins. She’s against eating meat, but will gladly serve up a green human stew, apparently. She also looks like everyone’s eccentric aunt… you know the one. Oh, and she is defeated with a “double-decker bologna sandwich”, because, why not?
