Top 10 Lamest Movie Monster Weaknesses

We’re sorry, are you supposed to be scary? Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the top ten least scary horror movie monsters.

For this list, we’ll be looking at what we consider to be the dumbest and/or least scary monsters in horror movies. To be clear, we aren’t saying that these are bad movies. It’s just that their monsters don’t exactly give us the heebie-jeebies. Also, we’ll only be including monsters which are legitimately meant to scare, or at least unnerve us, so intentional B-movie schlock will not be included.

“Gremlins” (1984)
Yes, we understand that “Gremlins” is primarily a comedy, but it is meant to be a horror-comedy hybrid, and because of that, we’re calling these things laaaame. For one thing, this movie came out in 1984. While the creatures may have been scary then, they look ridiculous today, which pretty much eliminates any semblance of horror they may have once had. Secondly, they’re weakness is LIGHT! A monster isn’t very intimidating if it only reaches your knee and can be defeated with a flashlight. Granted, they absolutely terrified kids in the 80s, so…job well done, we suppose.

“House of 1000 Corpses” (2003)
With a title like that and director Rob Zombie behind the camera, you’d think this movie would be filled with menacing creatures. Nope, we get…this instead. The Professor is a mutant with an oxygen mask who follows the orders of its boss, Dr. Satan. And that’s probably the most ridiculous sentence we’ve ever spoken. We’re not really sure what its deal is, but it looks absurd, and the cheesy guitar music which plays during his supposedly terrifying entrance isn’t doing it any favors. But, then again, we weren’t really expecting much from this movie, anyway.

“The Blob” (1958)
Yes, this movie is from 1958, but plenty of movies from the 50s are still scary! This one is just…bleh. The New York Times review called the movie’s special effects “pretty phony,” and if they looked bad in 1958, you can only imagine how terrible they look 60 years later. The Blob is a giant alien thing which crashes to Earth on an asteroid, and it eventually grows in size as it feasts. The problem is, the Blob simply looks like a glob of jelly and moves like molasses. Sure, in real life it might be kind of scary to see a giant glob of jelly moving towards you, but for audiences, it’s a bore.

“World War Z” (2013)
While the movie was certainly filled with non-stop zombie action, it would have been better if the zombies were actually, you know, scary. Like a zombie should be. Perhaps due to its PG-13 rating, these zombies didn’t look menacing at all; they just looked like ragdolls who ran fast and made goofy noises. Also, the movie employed far too much CGI for its own good, so scenes which should have been terrifying, like a surge of zombies toppling a bus or scaling a giant wall, looked laughable instead. They’re very basic PG-13 zombies for a very expensive PG-13 movie.

“Smiley” (2012)
OK, let us just tell you the synopsis of this film: The Smiley Killer is an internet myth, and when you type “I did it for the lulz” three times into a webcam-based website, Smiley will supposedly come and kill the person you’re talking to. Yeah, it’s like Bloody Mary, only with lulz and webcams. Not only is the storyline and supposed myth preposterous, but the killer, with his sewn eyes and carved smile, looks pretty stupid as well. While it would probably scare a few kids who happen to be watching, it does absolutely nothing for the rest of us.

“Arachnophobia” (1990)
Spiders are definitely creepy. Seriously, how many of you scream at the slightest hint of a spider? Therefore, the finale of this movie, about a group of poisonous spiders killing the residents of a small town, should have been terrifying and grotesque. Instead, we got a spider slightly larger than a tarantula. It also follows the rule of every Boogeyman monster ever, as it comes back to life with a lame jump scare and chases the protagonist while it’s on fire. Yeah, we wish we made that up. Spiders can be terrifying. Spiders that act like Jason are just silly.

“Jeepers Creepers” (2001)
This movie started out with a ton of potential, seeming like a more disgusting and extreme version of Steven Spielberg’s “Duel.” The story of a psychotic truck driver who kills people and stitches them to the walls of an abandoned church sounds badass. But then the movie does a complete 180, and we find out that this psychotic truck driver has wings and is actually an ancient creature who hunts humans for 23 days every 23rd spring. Yeah, it’s really lame, and it ruined what could otherwise have been a perfectly fine horror movie.

“Leprechaun 3” (1993)
There’s a reason this movie was direct to video. The first two “Leprechaun” movies were bad enough, with a giggling, diminutive villain that inspired neither laughs nor chills. But somehow, “Leprechaun 3” managed to scrape even deeper into the bottom of the barrel, taking Lubdan to Vegas and making him ever more ridiculous. After all, it’s hard to be scared of a villain who does Elvis impersonations. Sure, his goofy antics were played mostly for laughs. But they somehow managed to fail at both, and so did his super lame kills.

“Christine” (1983)
Throughout much of the 1980s, Stephen King was flying high. As a result, we got a bunch of weird stories, including some about inanimate objects attacking people. The most famous of these is probably “Christine,” a story about a sentient and bloodthirsty Plymouth Fury. Yes, the movie is every bit as silly as that sentence made it sound. We mean, what is honestly scary about a car? And a really beautiful car at that? The whole situation is embarrassing, and while John Carpenter does what he can with the material, the story is far too out-there to be even close to scary.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

Killer Tomatoes
“Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” (1978)

Trees
“The Happening” (2008)

Inanimate Objects
“Maximum Overdrive” (1986)

Jack
“Jack Frost” (1997)

The Bye Bye Man
“The Bye Bye Man” (2017)

“Jason X” (2002)
Jason was once the king of the slasher movie, complete with a terrifying build and his signature hockey mask. And then he went into space, and once your franchise does that, you’re pretty much done. Not only is the movie itself asinine (it’s about a serial killer coming back to life in 2455 on Earth Two), but Jason went from intimidating to laughing-stock real quick. His new nanite suit is probably the dumbest thing we’ve seen in a horror movie, especially considering that his distinctive mask was replaced with…whatever this is. You can’t really take this series too seriously, but this is a new low.