Top 10 Quickest Cases on Judge Judy

This is probably one of the saddest cases in “Judge Judy” history. The defendant is Jason Stemple, a heroin addict who is clearly going through withdrawal. He appears totally distraught, complete with baggy eyes, a gaunt face, and a lot of twitching. He can barely string two words together, and the plaintiff is even forced to answer questions on his behalf. She also admits that he used money she had given him for a drug test to buy heroin instead. Judy quickly brings the case to an end in under 2 minutes by first telling Jason he needs help, then by offering to get him some if he wants it. It’s rare for Judy to show compassion in court, but it’s clear that this man needed to hear some harsh but reassuring words.

Let’s lighten the mood and watch the Judy we all know and love – the one who calls other people idiots. In this case, the plaintiff is suing Sandy Huynh for a $4,800 loan. He had co-signed the loan, the money of which was used for Sandy’s breast implants. However, the plaintiff - and friend (or perhaps, former friend now) says that Sandy hasn’t been making her payments, and Sandy says that she had considered the loan “a gift.” Of course, he doesn’t see it that way, and he wants his money. Judy absolutely annihilates Sandy and calls her an idiot before slapping her with the whole $4,800 bill. To top it all off, she states that Sandy shouldn’t have any more children, lest she spread her stupidity. Ouch.

Here’s a little tip for all you pranksters out there – if you break something, you have to pay for it. Even if it was an accident. Defendant Ashley Hunter pushed her friend Jennifer into a pool and broke her iPhone, and Jennifer wants to be compensated. Fair enough. However, Ashley refuses to pay because it was an accident and it “wasn’t malicious at all.” Of course, Judy isn’t having that ridiculous explanation and she bluntly ends the case by telling Ashley to “grow up” and own her mistakes. The whole thing ends with Ashley explaining rocket science to Judy…or trying to. Seeing as how the whole room exploded with laughter, we don’t think she succeeded.

Sometimes good intentions can land you in jail. This was almost the case for plaintiff Tracy Martin, who sold her pet parrot to the defendant. She later saw the parrot and believed that it was being neglected, as it didn’t have any toys and “looked horrible.” Judy stops the case dead in its tracks, because “courts don’t micromanage pets.” She also states that once a transaction is made, the seller has no further responsibility or say over the pet’s well-being. This is true for private affairs, and it’s also true for pet adoption centers. As such, Tracy has no case, and Judy even warns her of potential jail time if she continues in her well-meaning but naïve pursuit.

Oh, the things Judy has to hear. This case sees Jimmy Missry suing his friend Raphael Kassin for damaging his car. But this wasn’t just a simple “friend gets into an accident in his buddy’s car” case. No, it’s far wackier than that. The two had attended a party, and Raphael got jealous once he saw Jimmy kissing the woman he had been kissing earlier in the day. So he stole Jimmy’s car and hid it in a nearby park! Raphael eventually recovered the car, but Jimmy noticed some extensive damage, including dents, scratches, and a missing grill. Despite calling Jimmy a wise guy, Judy swiftly awards him $910, because you can’t just steal your friend’s car and hide it in a park.

There’s nothing like a good Judge Judy evisceration. Defendant Alexandra Nelson had harassed the plaintiff outside of his house and swore at five or six of his friends. The plaintiff retaliated by confronting them. But according to Alexandra, they were just “being dumb” and the plaintiff had no right to confront “two tiny women.” This ridiculous statement shocks Judy, who contorts her face and visibly recoils from the stupidity. She then calls Alexandra an idiot and a manipulative problem before slapping her with a $4,000 judgement. Maybe next time she’ll think about provoking people in front of their own houses - because if there’s one thing we learned here, it’s that silliness like that results in one swift court case.

This is one of the funniest cases in “Judge Judy” history. It sees Eve Dettenheim suing her own sister, Carol, over damages to her car. Carol had taken the car and hit a deer, causing $1,300 in damages. It sounds like a typical “Judge Judy” case, until you consider the finer details. Like the fact that Carol took the carcass home, made venison stew, and offered some to her sister. Or the wacky, sitcom-esque declarations, like Carol defensively stating that the venison “did not have rigor mortis!” Or the audience desperately trying to contain their laughter. It was like watching a “Judge Judy” parody on “SNL.” Needless to say, Carol was forced to pay the damages. Turns out venison stew doesn’t fix cars.

When Judy says “don’t get comfy,” you know a verbal smackdown is right around the corner. That’s exactly what happened when Brenda Powell sued her ex-roommate Angela Rust. Brenda was forced to move out of their shared apartment, and now she wants Angela to pay the difference between her new, more expensive apartment, and the apartment she shared with Angela. However, Judy destroys her confidence with four words – “that’s not a case.” She goes over a few of Brenda’s options before dismissing the case with a simple “goodbye.” The whole thing is over in two minutes, and it leaves Brenda in tears. We can’t say we blame her. We’d cry too if Judy eviscerated us like that.

Now what is small claims court for if you can’t sue your friend over a broken toilet? Lisa Reid believes that her large friend, Barbara Loth, is responsible for her toilet because it cracked after Barbara sat on it. This whole ordeal is probably the most embarrassing thing that Barbara has ever gone through, and we feel terrible for her. And so does Judy. She quickly explains that the toilet broke while Barbara was using it – in other words, that Barbara did not intentionally break the toilet - before calling the case “stupid” and throwing it out. The audience claps and guffaws, and everyone goes home happy. Everyone except Lisa.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

Totally Out of It (& Possibly Stoned)

Lying About an STD

Smoking on Set

Judy must love it when the defendants do her job for her. In what is perhaps the most famous case in “Judge Judy” history, a man incriminates himself in a matter of seconds by indirectly admitting that he stole a woman’s purse. The plaintiff, Ginny Paradeza, lists some items that were stolen in the purse snatching, including her wallet, a calculator, and an earpiece. Or was there an earpiece? Not according to the defendant, who brilliantly states, “There was no earpiece in there, ma’am.” Everyone laughs in disbelief, Judy calls them dumb and dumber, and the plaintiff is awarded $500 for her troubles. Now if only all court cases could be that simple.