Top 10 Retro Games That Kids Today Can't Beat

Sneaking his way into our tenth spot, Ryu Hayabusa’s first foray onto the NES caused many a young gamer’s first rage quits thanks to its relentless enemies and ultra-demanding platforming. Being able to actually complete the game in full was a monumental task, but a very satisfying accomplishment if one were to be patient enough to properly hone their skills and overcome the odds. Unfortunately, difficult experiences can be a very hard sell to younger consumers in this generation of easy to jump into BR experiences like ‘Fortnite’, so this is one ninja who they will gladly steer clear of.

Everyone knows the Disney Animated Movies can easily transcend time and be enjoyed across multiple generations. However, the same cannot be said for this video game adaptation. Released in the heyday of side-scrolling platformers, it was actually a surprisingly good licensed product with everything gamers of the time enjoyed: tight, challenging platforming goodness. The peak of the game’s difficulty spike was in the 2nd level of the game, as at the time Disney ordered their licensed games to “Not be easily beatable in a rental period”, a move that would supposedly get people to buy the game. Not sure if that strategy was a good idea, but at least we have fond memories at raging at hippo’s and monkeys now.

All ‘Zelda’ games can be a challenge, but we feel time hasn’t been as kind to ‘Zelda II’. Combat is clunky, the overworld is unclear and the game can be frustratingly cryptic at times, with no clear indication of where to go or what to do. Now, all of those elements were acceptable and part of the fun back in the day, as they encouraged you to keep trying until you overcame the odds but now? Eh. Did we mention how easy it was to lose all your progress if you shut the game off before finishing a level? Yeah, that’s a major turn off in the era of autosave gaming.

If approached by a younger gamer today, they may have some fun for a while, slashing away at demonic enemies, but once the relentless, unforgiving gauntlet of difficulty really kicks in…we feel some controllers may be tossed across the room. There isn’t a moment to let your guard down in Devil May Cry 3, with enemies constantly on the offensive and such a break-neck pace, pushing you from set piece to set piece can leave anyone’s thumbs shaking with exhaustion. How about this: the original version was so hard, that the game was re-released with to tone the difficulty down a few notches. That saying something.

For the uninitiated, ‘Ghouls ‘n Ghosts’ can be easily summed up as a 2D Dark Souls from the early 90’s…which is to say: prepare to die, a lot. The SNES version upped the ante on an already near impossible NES predecessor, with more enemies and faster paced gameplay thanks to the more powerful technology inside the console. This is a game that is so hard, so ambivalent towards your gaming sensibilities that even IF you managed to survive to the end…it forces you to do it, all over again for a second run through. ‘Have fun’ aren’t the words we’d choose when pitching this to newer players.

Mama Mia! Nintendo must have been feeling especially mean when they made this one. The term ‘unforgiving’ is rarely associated with a Mario game, but this sequel of the first game was just way too hardcore. Nintendo of America thought so too, which is why they gave us THIS “Super Mario Bros. 2” instead of THIS “Super Mario Bros. 2” as Japan had gotten. Enemies are more plentiful and significantly tougher, the jumps you need to make are enough for Evil Knievel to blush and that’s not to mention that there are some moments in the game that toe the line on borderline ‘unfair’. Mario is for kids? Yeah, let the young’uns of today take a tour through this iteration of the Mushroom Kingdom and we’ll see about that.

This series has perfected its style of careful timing, patient, trial and error gameplay to survive its wave of very hard levels to travers; and it all started in this first installment. The game demands the most meticulous multitasking of players in order to quickly swap between jumping and shooting at a moments’ notice, in a wide variety of tough platforming sections and brutal boss encounters. You will fall to your death, you will be blown to smithereens…but that’s part of the experience! It encourages you to re-evaluate and try, try again. Of course if you can beat this classic game, you got 6 more to go on the NES alone.

Another iconic series from the NES era, Castlevania is regarded by many older gamers as the pinnacle of 8-bit side scrolling action entertainment. But once again (and all together now…) it’s very, very hard! Danger lurks around every corner and crevice of this world, with enemies flying at you left and right non-stop. This isn’t even mentioning the stiff jumping controls, which don’t do you any favors when trying to perform those tricky jumps between platforms…all while those aforementioned enemies are still attacking you! Especially those GODDAMN MEDUSA HEADS! Gamers who grew up with it are fully aware of how hard it is, but newer audiences may ride it off as just ‘cheap’.

As a lone commando operative (or two if you have a friend, which we highly recommend you bring along), you’ll stand toe to toe with some of the most diabolical extraterrestrial encounters in gaming. Shooting aliens in the face? That’s standard protocol for gamers, right? Sure, but try doing that with one hit kills, a screen consistently overflowing with projectiles to dodge and the absolutely mandatory ‘Konami Code’ for extra lives. If you went in for co-op with someone from the younger generation, they may look at you and wonder how you could ever find enjoyment in such a brutally unforgiving game. Huh, maybe we were a little crazy.

We’re going to be fair and honest here; we don’t expect kids today to beat ‘Battletoads’…because we couldn’t even beat ‘Battletoads’. Many a gamer got to the infamous ‘tunnel’ sequence and just called it quits in a fit of unparalleled rage. Many a gamer accidentally beat the snot out of their partner thanks to the friendly fire, and the level restarting if just one player died. (WHY WAS THIS IN THE GAME??). Many a gamer hasn’t even seen how ‘Battletoads’ ends because it was just way…too…hard. The difficulty was so divisive that all subsequent re-releases toned down the challenge to make it more accessible. Good luck kiddies, good luck.