Top 10 Savage Moments on New Girl

Nick often made unconventional life choices, usually due to his mistrust of others or simply because he hadn’t yet learned to act like an adult. On this occasion, he’s unable to buy a cell phone because his credit score is outrageously low. Jess tries to ease the blow by convincing him that being phoneless can be a unique quirk. But Winston offers a different, more scathing perspective. He might’ve even been generous with his ghostly comparison. His follow-up that Nick weighs more than his credit score had us gasping and giggling simultaneously. Nick might be happy to live this phantom existence, but Winston’s even happier to resuscitate his sense of reality.

There's nothing quite like a Cece and Winston mess-around, but this one was brutal. When the latter character suspects his girlfriend KC's cheating on him, the former offers some advice that ultimately backfires. Feeling responsible, she tries to talk him through his feelings, which quickly escalate. At first, Cece's reluctant to follow through on Winston's crazy scheme, but she relents. And after seeing KC with another man, she fully commits. The result is savage. She lets KC believe that she's to blame for Winston's passing, making her cry as planned. He then jumps out and reveals it's all just a joke. Sure, Winston was hurting. But making someone believe they're responsible for your death? It really doesn't get more ruthless than that!

Schmidt has a very particular way of doing things and often considers himself in charge of managing the apartment. Even the tiniest misstep can bring down a storm on whoever dares to deviate from the Schmidt way. Unemployed and desperate to keep busy, Jess decides to make a frittata while the guys watch her unusual methods. Her first strike is calling it an “egg pie,” much to Schmidt’s displeasure. However, she earns this snarkier retort when her uptight roomie notices her misguided choice of cookware. We wouldn’t fancy Schmidt’s chances in prison; he might make a hearty breakfast, but we’re not sure his fellow inmates would appreciate his often cutting commentary.

When Cece and Shivrang get engaged, Schmidt doesn’t take the news all that well. He takes out his sorrows on the aquatic world, becoming obsessed with securing an endangered lionfish. He’s enraged when he can’t have it, so Winston brings him a different fish, hoping it might help. It doesn’t, but it does give us one of the funniest lines of the episode and arguably the entire series. Jess is afloat with her own drama but still makes time to throw shade at Schmidt when he brings home an aquarium, comparing him to a poor Bond villain. While getting stung by a jellyfish undoubtedly hurts more, Jess’ quip probably comes in a close second.

Jess finds herself attracted to Nick after he displays an ounce of responsibility. He’s doing it to impress his boss, but she doesn’t figure that out until later. She spends most of the episode trying to avoid her feelings, and a painful accident ensues. While on painkillers, she tells Nick she wants him, and he wonders if it's genuine or just the meds talking. During their confrontation after she’s sobered up, Jess confesses that his ambition really did it for her. He then throws out the claim that she’s a gold digger, which is laughable if you know Nick Miller. Even Jess is astounded by his audacity, delivering this barbed dig in exasperation. It's unabashedly honest, but it all works out in the end.

A lot of the time, when people break up it’s for a good reason. So often, getting back together is, well, not advisable. Still, Nick’s content to rekindle the flame with Caroline, despite everyone else’s better judgment. So his friends bring out a video of past him warning future him to stay away from this unhealthy entanglement. We learn that he’s rewritten the Bard’s famous “Shall I compare thee” sonnet to make a vicious attack on his ex. William Shakespeare was as well known for his creatively caustic insults as his love poems, so this seems as good a source as any to riff on. Shakespeare’s version might be more lyrical, but Nick’s gets straight to the cold, hard point.

A jobless Jess finds herself strapped for cash when it’s time to pay the bills. The guys aren’t too sympathetic and come down hard on her for taking too long to send out resumes. After Nick calls her a “Nini,” Jess utters the two words that, for some reason, make many grown men recoil. She explicitly describes how PMSing feels no longer holding back and ignoring the guys’ reactions. In a matter of seconds, the cute, quirky, fun-loving gal we all love starts threatening her roommates with Ken dolls makeovers if they dare cross her. Shots are fired, and only Nick’s brave (or stupid) enough to come back for more.

In the season three premiere, Winston decides to tackle a jigsaw puzzle and it quickly takes over his life. His timing couldn’t be worse for Schmidt, who’s looking for a replacement BFF after Nick and Jess run off to Mexico. The pair soon learn that Nick was the glue holding their friendship together, and without him, things get tense. This begins when Winston naively asks Schmidt a poorly thought-out question, and Schmidt wastes no time barking back. Poor Winston was excited to get started, and his buddy just had to rain on his parade. Schmidt doesn’t stop there, throwing out a particularly harsh comment later on. He might have a point, but did he need to be so mean?

Remember how we said that Schmidt was rather controlling over everything that happened in the loft? Well, that includes what furnishings are permitted and which should be left by the curb. When Jess brings home a fine-looking cabinet she found on the street, he has some strong and scrupulous opinions over its composition. This is another classic Schmidt remark; odd but strangely precise and sardonic. Still, she doesn’t yield, so he pulls out the big guns, cautioning her that he will ban high-waisted shorts – again. Jess still refuses to back down, and Schmidt eventually breaks the hutch, which is arguably the most ferocious move of them all.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

Cece & Schmidt’s First Meeting Was No Laughing Matter, “Pilot”
It’s Love at First Sass for Schmidt

Cece & Jess Argue, “Bachelorette Party”
Cece Has No Time for Jess’ Playground Drama

Jess & Winston Waive the Cardinal Rule of Teaching, “Bully”
Sure, It’s Savage, but Brianna Is the Worst

The Pogo Conversation, “Pepperwood”
These Conversations Would Be Best Kept Behind the Other Person’s Back

Winston Can’t Believe He’s the Normal One, “The Captain”
The Man Has a Point, Catty as It May Be

Winston’s pranks are legendary. He can play it subtle, but he can also go outrageously over-the-top – remember his badger antics during Cece and Shivrang’s big day? His misguided trickster side is the basis of a long-running gag, and he even meets his match when he starts dating Rhonda. Whether placing a blueberry in Schmidt’s breakfast or getting married on a whim, his pranks are simultaneously the funniest and the worst. If you added them all up, you still couldn’t match the magnitude or ridiculousness of his antics in the series finale. Using a fake eviction notice to trick his friends into moving is diabolical and, by far, Prank Sinatra’s most hilarious and savage practical joke.