Top 10 South Park Moments That Almost Made Us Puke

You’d think that Cartman’s uninformed and unapologetic racism upon discovering that his favorite waterpark has been overrun by, to use his word, “minorities” would’ve provided enough cringe-worthy laughs. But hey… Trey Parker and Matt Stone always go big. The creators succeed in making brilliantly poignant social commentary through Cartman’s ignorance, while also treating their fans to the spectacle of an entire park being submerged in pee, killing a lot of people in the process. As is to be expected, Kenny… is (naturally) among the dead. Chances are, after seeing this episode, you’ll think twice before visiting the closest waterpark or setting foot in your local public pool again.

Everyone deserves love, and when you finally find it, things are bound to get a little hot and heavy. Case in point: Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik. We have no problem with these two hooking up… in fact, we’re totally happy for them. But does their lovemaking really need to be put on public display in such graphic detail? While the rest of the folks at South Park Elementary are losing their minds due to a miscommunication in Sex Ed class, these two teachers gone wild proceed to get down and dirty… and are exceedingly vocal about it. Thanks “South Park,” we really needed to hear that.

There’s something new to get high on in South Park; cat urine. As it turns out, having a feline piss in your face actually triggers otherworldly hallucinations reminiscent of the 1981 sci-fi film “Heavy Metal,” complete with voluptuous ladies, alien threats and a badass soundtrack. Sounds pretty cool, right? Well Kenny thinks so, and in a desperate attempt to stay in his dream world he has cats constantly spray him. It’s so disgustingly ludicrous that by the end of it, you’re numb to the madness and actually kind of rooting for Kenny to get with the Boob King’s daughter. We just wish his efforts didn’t require so many golden showers.

This is why you have to read everything carefully, kids. After Kyle does the unthinkably stupid and fails to read the terms and conditions of iTunes, he is selected – against his will – to become Steve Jobs’ newest tech innovation: the Human Cent-iPad. But the loss of his freedom is the least of Kyle’s worries, as being a part of this hot new gadget apparently means having his mouth sewn onto the anus of another pour soul, with yet another person sewn onto his backside. This horrific ordeal climaxes when the guy sown onto Kyle’s…mouth (ew)…finally “passes” his recent meal of cuttlefish and asparagus...

Leave it to Eric Cartman to turn a seemingly innocent Christmas story into a living nightmare. As he narrates the tale, we see Stan encounter what appear to be adorable, harmless animals known as the Woodland Critters, one of whom is pregnant with what they believe to be their lord and savior. That’s where the connection to the classic nativity story ends. In a sick inversion, the animals are revealed to be dedicated followers of Satan, and the pregnant Critter is about to give birth to the antichrist. If that’s not enough to mess with your head, they celebrate by killing one of their own and proceed to have a blood orgy. Merry Christmas everyone!

Don’t let the “leather daddy” look fool you: Mr. Slave is actually a rather swell guy who truly cares about the wellbeing of the children in his town. He’s shocked to learn that the girls at South ParkElementary have been influenced by Paris Hilton and have started intentionally acting in a lewd, sexual fashion. When Wendy loses hope, Mr. Slave vows to show everyone the error of their ways…by challenging Paris to see who between them is the “bigger slut.” Mr. Slave proves victorious in the end, leaving us all speechless and nauseous as shoves the celebrity heiress up his butt.

Sure, since the very start of the series, most of what’s come out of Cartman’s mouth has been nothing but crap. But when he bets the other boys $20 that defecating from one’s mouth is literally possible, and turns out to be right… that’s some next level “shit talking.” After discovering that people can release feces from their mouths, it becomes a trend, and soon enough everyone is coughing up poop. This new form of sophistication carries on throughout the entire episode, and proves equally gross every time. We see what you’re doing there writers, and bravo for the metaphor... but did you have to make it so realistic?

Hey, you can’t talk about feces without including everyone’s favorite Christmas Poo! He’s not only an icon of the holiday season, but also a toy you can get for your kids. The live-action commercial shows us that all you need to do is fish a Mr. Hankey of your own creation out of the toilet bowl and add various costumes. Throw in the awkward jab about the kids missing their deceased father and their young sibling eating Mr. Hankey... and you have one of the strangest fake ads ever. Nothing like feeling sick to your stomach just in time for the holidays.

Whenever an actor leaves a show, their character typically gets a dignified exit in order to smooth things over and maintain the structure of the narrative. “South Park” went another way. After getting in disputes over the show’s treatment of scientologists, Isaac Hayes, the voice of Chef and a scientologist himself, called it quits. So naturally, the creators responded by turning the character into a brainwashed child molester who ends up receiving arguably the bloodiest death in the history of the series. This includes: getting struck by lightning, falling down a mountain, suffering multiple gunshot wounds and finally... getting mauled by a lion and a bear. How’s that for a sendoff?

Before we reveal our number one pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

- The Tale of Lemmiwinks
“The Death Camp of Tolerance”

- Bloody Mary
“Bloody Mary”

- World Record Crap
“More Crap”

Nobody saw it coming and it left everyone, with the exception of Cartman, utterly mortified. After being humiliated in a pubic hair-related prank, Cartman finally gets his revenge by orchestrating an elaborate plan that ends in Scott Tenorman’s parents being killed and turned into chili. Seems over the top, no? Oh we haven’t even gotten to the part where Scott eats that chili. Adding further insult to injury, Radiohead comes along and ridicules him for crying. The other boys look on in stunned silence as Cartman celebrates his victory, while the viewers at home struggle to find the appropriate balance between uncontrollable laughter and utter disgust.