Top 10 USELESS Video Game Characters

“Ratchet & Clank” franchise (2002-Present)

This incompetent blowhard is hardly superhero material, and yet, that’s exactly what he is, or at least tries to be. Touted by the populace as being heroic and brave, Captain Qwark is actually cowardly, self-centered, and in possession of a highly inflated ego. While he does provide some comic relief, Captain Qwark is utterly useless at his nominal profession, and is often more concerned with how he’s seen than with doing good. This attitude usually leads to him getting in the way of our actual heroes Ratchet and Clank, either by accident or on purpose.

“Super Smash Bros. Melee” (2001)

The second installment in the “Super Smash Bros.” franchise featured a number of clone fighters, characters whose appearances and move sets were similar to existing ones. The most useless of these is unquestionably Pichu. As if being identical to Pikachu wasn’t bad enough, Pichu is easily knocked around and actually causes itself damage when using certain attacks! Unless you just find Pichu incredibly cute, there’s really no point in playing the character. Pikachu literally does everything the same and without any of the downsides. We do not choose you, Pichu.

“The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion” (2006)

Upon becoming the Grand Champion of the arena, players of the fourth “Elder Scrolls” game are given the opportunity to be followed by their biggest fan, known only as the Adoring Fan. Sounds awesome, right? Well, not so much. Despite being willing to do almost anything you ask of him, the Adoring Fan cannot or will not help you during combat. Instead, he will try to hide from the enemies you’re fighting, which can end up drawing more of them to you. It’s always nice to meet a fan, but admirers are pretty useless in battle. Some players do enjoy finding creative ways to kill him though.

“Mass Effect” series (2007-Present)

Ugh…government bureaucracy – just what every video game needs. As the governing body of the Citadel and the diplomatic hub of the galaxy, the Council is a frequent obstacle to the heroes in the “Mass Effect” series. Whether it be bickering members ignoring your warnings of danger, looking out for their own species interests instead of the greater good, or just acting like straight up jerks, the Citadel Council seems designed to make your missions that much more difficult. It’s no wonder that so many players choose the option to let them die.

“Street Fighter” franchise (1995-Present)

Like Pichu, Dan is an inferior clone of an existing character; in this case Ryu (and/or Ken), although he was actually designed to be that way. He’s essentially a parody of Street Fighter’s numerous imitators. Many of Dan’s moves are copies of Ryu and Ken’s, but they have a limited range and don’t really pack a punch. Despite his poor fighting skills, Dan holds onto the belief that he’s a great martial arts master, which basically makes him a gag character. The fact that he’s lasted this long in the franchise when new and better fighters could have been introduced only secures his spot on our list.

“Pokémon” franchise (1996-Present)

This wide-eyed and floppy dope of a Pokémon is notorious for how pathetically useless it is in battle. Magikarp’s two primary moves are Tackle, one of the most basic and ineffective attacks in the game, and Splash, which does absolutely nothing. The only upside to Magikarp is its evolution into the totally bad-ass Garydos. Unfortunately, unless an experience share item or rare candy is used, this means sending Magikarp into battle and then switching it out, which can get real dull, real fast. Regardless of its potential usefulness, Magikarp is still a hopeless and impractical Pokémon to have on your team.

“Call of Duty” franchise (2003-Present)

In real life, a military squad is typically composed of members who are trained, competent, and are close to one other. In “Call of Duty,” although the cut scenes show your character bonding with his teammates, within combat, they’re about as reliable as cardboard cutouts of themselves. The squad mates found in the “CoD” series are rarely helpful in battle and their competence in anything is constantly called into question. I mean, why is it that your commanding officer always assigns you missions he knows other members of your squad are more qualified for? We’re all for allowing players to do anything, but they shouldn’t have to do everything.

“Super Mario Bros.” franchise (1988-Present)

As the main representative of a race with the same name, Toad is primarily the mushroom-capped assistant to Princess Peach. He and the rest of the Toads seem incapable of fighting Bowser and his armies, leaving them with the task of informing Mario of his enemies evil intentions and whereabouts instead. When Toad is playable, which is usually in group or party games, he’s rarely able to jump very high, which can be quite the handicap in platformers. Although Toad may be an adorable and iconic part of the “Super Mario Bros.” franchise, he’s not the most useful inhabitant of the Mushroom Kingdom.

“Resident Evil 5” (2009)

There are bad partner characters, and then there’s Sheva! To be clear, this agent charged with fighting bioterrorism is perfectly competent…when a player controls her. However, should you be unfortunate enough to play “Resident Evil 5” in single player, prepare for frustration! She combines all the useless weapon skillsets of your teammates in “Call of Duty” along with the enemy attracting mechanics of the Adoring Fan from “The Elder Scrolls.” Sheva is not only a pain in the butt, but her very presence makes the game more difficult to progress through.

“Fallout 4” (2015)

The fourth main “Fallout” game features a host of interesting and useful companions that can accompany the player on their adventures through the post-apocalyptic wasteland. Preston Garvey may be one of the first encountered by players, but he is not especially interesting or useful. Although he does offer a good combat bonus with maximum affinity, Garvey largely serves to provide players with quests related to the militia group the Minutemen, which nearly always has you protecting settlements from raiders. Combined with his somewhat bland personality, Preston Garvey is one companion that many “Fallout 4” players find few uses for, and we’re inclined to agree.