Top 20 Celebrity Roasts on South Park

Let this be a lesson to all future musicians: should you ever find yourself competing with Trey Parker and Matt Stone for a Best Original Song Oscar, then do yourself a favor and pull out, because the consequences for beating them won’t be to your liking. Genesis singer Phil Collins learned this the hard way after “You’ll Be in My Heart” won over “Blame Canada” at the 2000 Academy Awards. As revenge, the creators had Collins make an appearance in South Park, where he was depicted as a boring singer that’s constantly clutching his Oscar…which was later shoved where the sun don’t shine. Lovely.

Apparently Bono is not just the lead singer of U2; he is also an actual, literal piece of crap. When Randy Marsh takes a record-setting crap, he steals the title away from – you guessed it – Bono, who is none too pleased, let us tell you. But then it’s revealed that Bono hadn’t previously taken the world’s biggest crap; he IS the world’s biggest crap, the second talking piece of poo in the “South Park” universe, but the first to take the form of a human. According to the show, it’s his status as a hunk of excrement that explains why Bono can do so much good in the world yet still appear like a huge turd.

Despite only being a short, fat kid, Cartman’s misbehavior can at times be a force of nature that not even his mother can stop. Who else, then, could possibly control the boy? Why, the Dog Whisperer of course! While he’s well known for his work with canines, in the world of South Park, Cesar Millan turns out to be the one person able to keep Cartman in check. How? By treating him like a dog. Despite the role reversal, Millan actually gets off rather easy, considering he’s portrayed in a positive light. He reigned in and owned Cartman at every turn; how’s that for an achievement?

Gay, sadistic, and sexually promiscuous, Hussein features heavily in South Park’s feature film as one of the main antagonists. The former President of Iraq is given a whiny, high-pitched voice as well as the typical split-head appearance usually saved for Canadian characters. His first appearance saw him try to take over Canada, but a mass fart killed him. This sent him to hell where he presumably began his romantic relationship with Satan. All in all, his was a fitting re-imagination of one the most hated men of the 21st century – well, fitting for “South Park” in any case.

After making remarks that the Catholic priests who sexually abused young boys during the infamous 2009 scandal weren’t actually paedophiles but homosexuals, is it any surprise “South Park” decided to rip the president of the Catholic League to pieces? In order to maintain the secret that St. Peter was actually a rabbit, Donohue proceeds to murder and torture anyone who speaks out, spouting that it’s all in the name of God. By the episode’s end, he has a complete meltdown and overthrows the Pope, planning to kill anyone in his way. Luckily, Jesus shows up in the nick of time, and puts an end to Donohue’s tyranny.

All aspects of Cruise’s controversial personality and lifestyle are heavily parodied in the classic and controversial episode “Trapped in the Closet.” When he’s led to believe that Stan is the reincarnation of Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard, Cruise sycophantically seeks his approval. He’s utterly devastated when Stan admits he’s not as good an actor as some others in Hollywood, so he barricades himself away and waits for various celebs to attempt to lure him out of the literal closet. Likely as a form of retaliation at the real Cruise after he had a re-run of the episode banned, poor old Tom gets it again in some later episodes where he is, again quite literally, packing fudge.

It may only be a short cameo, but that’s all “South Park” needs to discredit this director. After he’s brought in as a consultant on how to deal with a terrorist threat, all Bay can do is spout off ideas for special effects. The military council eventually calls him out on it and demand ideas instead, but of course Bay being Bay, he doesn’t know the difference. We didn’t think it was possible to burn a celebrity this badly in thirty seconds, but once again Matt Stone and Trey Parker find a way.

Despite his alias of Michael Jefferson, it’s obvious who “South Park” is targeting here. The childish singer has made numerous appearances over the years, most notably in the episode when he moves to South Park to get away from the constant accusations of child molestation. After his neglected son, Blanket, makes friends with Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman, Jackson tries to join the fun as a way of living out the childhood he missed. Even as a ghost or a hologram, the infantile Jackson can’t deal with what people say about him: ‘so ignorant’.

He’s given us “The Princess Bride,” “Stand By Me,” and a few other good flicks, which in “South Park” just gets you portrayed as a fat, arrogant mess of a man who cares more about pushing his ideas onto people than actually following his own creed. When the boys blame the tobacco industry for their smoking, Reiner rallies the town against it… by means of creating a commercial that nearly kills the kids for the sake of realism. It’s probably not the best idea to take health advice from a man full of green goo.

The singer has been cited as Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s most hated celebrity and she certainly gets one of the more abstract treatments of any famous person. Depicted as “Mecha-Streisand,” she destroys South Park after obtaining an ancient artifact from the boys by torturing them with her singing. It takes the likes of Leonard Maltin, Sidney Poitier and Robert Smith of The Cure to eventually destroy her with their Kaiju transformation abilities, but Tom Cruise and his fellow pissed off celebrities later revive her. This time, only a duet with Neil Diamond can mollify the gargantuan robotic musical diva.

In what has to be one of the most scathing renditions of a celebrity ever animated, Stan summarizes why this TV psychic is the ultimate douchebag. He’s immediately shown to be a fake, but the show goes to great lengths to explain how his supposed communication with the dead is extremely harmful not only for the grieving individuals who are suckered into his con, but also for humanity as a whole. As a person, Edward is shown to be insecure, self-absorbed and… yeah, just a total douche.

“Excelsior!” Poor Al has done a lot of good in his career, but if that were to stop Matt Stone and Trey Parker from mocking the former Vice President, what kind of satirists would they be? Depicted as…unstable and almost insane when it comes to his search for the imaginary ManBearPig, Gore is sometimes seen wearing a cape while running around, pretending to fly. Speaking in an effeminate manner, Gore is perfectly detached from reality, living in a world where an animal can be half man, half bear, and half pig all at the same time.

He’s directed some of the most successful movies of all time, set a record by travelling deeper into the Mariana Trench than anyone else, and has one hell of a catchy theme song. On a mission to raise the bar of humanity, which dropped to new lows after we accepted Honey Boo Boo, Cameron once again descends into the darkness of the ocean, encountering Randy Newman along the way. While everyone else seems bored of his exploits, we can’t get enough of them. Oh, and congrats on being the only Canadian in South Park who doesn’t look like…well, every other Canadian.

Hilton is perhaps the definition of a celebrity: she’s only really famous for being famous, and the “South Park” creators really let her have it. First off, the hotel heiress is depicted as having more than a few sexual partners. Then, all of her previous pets have committed suicide so she buys Butters and stuffs him into a bear suit as her next victim. To top it off, she enters a “whore off” with Mr. Slave, which ends with the wonky-eyed heiress being inserted..well..inside him. It’s harsh, but in the “South Park” world, perhaps that’s a fitting end for Paris.

Her transition from man to woman caused a media storm, so of course “South Park” was going to take a stab at her. Contradicting popular opinion, Kyle states that coming out as transgender doesn’t make her a hero, and that she’s getting caught up in her own publicity. As if that weren’t bad enough, she goes onto to become the Vice President of the United States after running alongside Donald Trum – uh, we mean Mr. Garrison. Given her new position of power, we’re sure to see much more of her wacky antics in the coming years. Here’s hoping she doesn’t run over any more pedestrians.

This Australian actor aptly has a show called “Russell Crowe Fightin’ Around the World” and that title really says it all; Crowe randomly beats people up who are even slightly critical about his work – and even a few who aren’t, to be honest. Along with his good friend Tugger (a boat), the incredibly offensive Australian beats up folks that he calls, “Chinamen,” “black people,” and “scrotums.” Perhaps worst of all, he even beats up a cancer patient in a misguided attempt to fight cancer itself. Even poor Tugger grows tired of Crowe’s antics in the end.

This is another quick cameo, but one that blends so well with the episode’s hilarious premise that we couldn’t bring ourselves to not include it. With Tom Cruise refusing to come out of the closet (literally, of course), the police get this R&B singer to try and persuade him. In a call-back to Kelly’s infamous opera, “Trapped in the Closet,” he tries to serenade Cruise to come out, only to end up locked up with him – and all this just adds another layer to the craziness of this episode. How big is that closet anyway?

He’s totally insane and one of the few “South Park” characters to have his real face used for his parody. When Stan and Kenny travel to Gibson’s house to get their money back for “The Passion of the Christ,” he promptly strips off and asks the boys to torture him – as you do. Now with the Braveheart blue face paint, Gibson chases the boys back to South Park where he insists that the whole town torture him. He’s hilariously sadistic and ends this brilliant episode by, well, doing this… And to think, this episode actually came out two years before Gibson’s reputation went down the tubes.

Randy Marsh is Lorde. That’s about the gist of it. Yet, somehow the way the show approaches the idea of Randy having a double life as the New Zealand pop star makes it work. While no one seems to be able to see through Randy’s flimsy disguise, which is limited to throwing on a dress and yelling out that he’s Lorde, there is also an odd sincerity to this running gag. Aside from the obvious joke of having Stan’s Dad pose as a young female singer, the way the characters speak so highly of her kind of make us want Randy and Lorde to be the same person. We’re sure she was flattered.

Never have fishsticks been so funny. Well, unless you’re Yeezy. Apparently Kanye is the only one who doesn’t understand the childish gag as he goes on a murderous rampage in his attempt to have the joke explained. He eventually sets his ego aside and accepts his life as a gay fish. Now content with his newly found sexuality, he wastes no time mingling with other sea faring creatures. Of course he eventually reforms and instead decides to marry a hobbit. This depiction perfectly captures the rapper’s egotistical nature, while throwing in just enough trademark “South Park” randomness to make this the ultimate celebrity send-up.