Yet Another Top 10 Video Game Logic That Make No Sense!

We get it, fighting games are not the most realistic titles on the market. However, you really have to suspend your disbelief when it comes to surviving some of these moves. It is often the case that an opponent will dish out something which should probably kill you, but your player character will simply pop up and dust off his shoulders like nothing happened. Baraka stabbed you through the eye and shattered your skull? Walk it off. Sephiroth blasts you with a Supernova? Ah, suck it up, you’ll be fine. Aquaman repeatedly stabs you with a trident and serves you up to a shark? Pfffh, come on, now.

We get setting an arbitrary number to show your dwindling health, but shouldn’t your character react accordingly? Throughout multiple games, especially those with a number-based health system, you can be walking on your merry way with 1% health. But that doesn’t make any sense. If you only have 1% of your life remaining, shouldn’t you be on the ground and praying for death? It doesn’t make sense that you can be destroying demons and hopping around walls while you are 99% dead. And then, naturally, it’s one little scratch which finally does you in, not the grenade which went off in your face five minutes prior.

We’re looking at you, “Resident Evil.” Isn’t it so convenient that this massive monstrosity of an unimaginable terror has conveniently placed glowing spots on its body? Gee, we wonder what its weak point is. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be glowing parts. The Hunters in “Halo” are sheer brutes of an enemy which are covered head-to-toe in armor…minus their massive and exposed orange backs. Ganon has a bright blue tail and “Mass Effect 2’s” final boss literally has labeled “weak points” which are bright orange lights. These just seem like massive evolutionary fails, but hey, whatever makes them easier to kill.

Look, we get our characters not having to go to the bathroom. It would be kind of weird having a bladder bar and needing to “hold X to pee” or whatever. But ignoring that, what is with these characters and their bladders!? We guess they all go to the bathroom whenever the game is saved and time skips forward, but still, these guys can go a ridiculous amount of time in between bathroom breaks. But, whatever, they usually have more important things to do, like saving the world. Oh, hold on Ganon, just have to run to the bathroom real quick…

We wonder what these guards are being paid, because whatever it is, it’s way too much. In various games (particularly stealth ones) you can kill a patrolling guard and stash his body, yet no one will care. Another patrol can walk right by and clearly see that said guard isn’t at his post or route, and they’ll simply shrug their shoulders. This applies to your character as well. A guard spots someone who is clearly not supposed to be there sneaking around with a weapon, and what do they do? They’ll maybe investigate for a second, but if they don’t see anything, they just ignore it and pretend like nothing happened. Talk about inept.

Here you are, traveling through a massive world, complete with fire-shooting abilities and a fifty-ton sword on your shoulder, when you come across a locked wooden door. What do you do? Break down the door with your sword? Burn the door down? Melt the padlock with your hands that shoot fire? Nope, you turn around and forget that door exists, because the game doesn’t want you going in there. This is the case with many, MANY seemingly-open-world-but-not-quite-open-world games, and its equal parts hilarious and frustrating. A rocket launcher can destroy entire buildings, but it deflects off this one door. Of course it does.

What is this food made of!? Not only does it never spoil or rot, but you can eat it and heal your fatal wounds! Besides, everyone knows that a wheel of cheese that you found in a garbage can makes for some good eats. And luckily the monsters in this decrepit, cobweb-infested castle leave perfectly fresh cartons of milk laying around. And hey, a century-old can of cola which is still refreshing! Injured in battle with a dragon? No problem. Just eat that apple which you’ve been carrying around in your pack for the last two years. It’ll make you feel good as new. We could go on.

Here you are, clad in a heavily-advanced piece of technology which lets you jump high in the air, gives you superhuman speed, and lets you flip an upended tank with your bare hands. What in the world can stop you!? Well, gun recoil, as it turns out. In various games with pieces of mech, like the “Halo” series and “Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare,” you can partake in some extremely superhuman feats of strength, and yet you still can’t control a weapon’s recoil. What, is that tank that you just flipped made of plastic? Or does that gun just weigh a hundred tons?

We don’t know what it is about computer hacking, but the entertainment business just can’t seem to get it right. In movies and TV shows, hacking into a computer requires a lot of jargon and furious typing. In video games, it requires complex puzzles for some inexplicable reason. Sometimes it’s some weird pattern or colour-based puzzle that you must complete. Other times, like in “BioShock,” hacking into a security camera means you need to complete a puzzle involving elbow tiles and a stream of liquid…or something. This is not what hacking entails!

This has been a joke amongst gamers for decades now, yet we still don’t have an answer to the tantalizing question: where do all those items go!? A classic example of this is in “Grand Theft Auto,” as you can simply pull an RPG out of thin air. What!? Where did that come from!? Or how about open world games like “Skyrim” or “Zelda,” where you can seemingly squeeze hundreds of pounds of items, including swords and books, inside your pockets. Unless the characters have some kind of magical, endless backpack on hand, we’re calling BS on this one.