Top 10 WTF Eurovision Songs

Translating to “Dance the Chiki-chiki”, this 2008 effort came from a Spanish comic character wearing an Elvis wig and credited with inventing the ‘vibrator-guitar’. As Rodolfo asks us to “dance doggy-style”, backing dancers pretend to blunder their way through the colourful routine.And, although the performance is apparently packed with political references and gags, it’s the song’s score that’ll most make you laugh. It amassed an astonishing 55 points, meaning it finished comfortably midtable, coming 16th out of 25 entries.

The UK has had a dismal Eurovision record in recent years, but this performance by Liverpool pop duo, Jemini, marked a new low. From the very first note, the singing is so flat it feels like the blooper reel shown during “X-Factor” auditions. Afterwards, the pair claimed that technical faults meant they couldn’t hear their own vocals - if only we could say the same. “Cry Baby” was the first ever English language song to receive “nul points”, though some critics claimed Jemini were lucky to get even that.

Synthpop group Telex are best known for their worldwide hit single, Moskow Diskow. Unfortunately, this Eurovision entry won them far fewer plaudits. The simple melodies and banal lyrics make you wonder if the song was simply thrown together the previous evening. On the plus side, the scarf-twirling choreography is understated genius. After the show, the band admitted that they had wanted to finish last, but their hopes were cruelly dashed by Portugal who awarded them ten points. They finished 17th out of 19.

When this next record starts up, you might think it is just like any other cheesy Eurovision entry. Then the sax player, Sergey Stepanov, steps forward to steal the show completely with an energetic solo. While Moldova finished 22nd in the 2010 competition, Stepanov’s performance was so popular it spawned the “Epic Sax Guy” meme - drawing approval from even Gandalf the Grey. Stepanov eventually returned to the Eurovision stage in 2017, sporting shades and a tux for a brand new track. What a guy.

The outward flamboyance of this German pop group’s performance is matched only by the garishness of their absurdly inaccurate historical costumes. As the Mongol leader canters about the stage seducing everyone by spinning everywhere, his companions heartily sing about him fathering seven children in a single night – with lots of “Ooh!”s and “Ahh!”s thrown in for good measure. Bizarrely, the song has enjoyed success, registering over 100,000 digital downloads in Japan in 2014, having been released in 2006.

“Weird” doesn’t always mean “bad” in Eurovision, as our next entry demonstrates. The only hard-rock band ever to win the competition, Lordi lorded the stage in 2006, belting out Christian messages while dressed in costumes that are part Klingon, part “Predator”. And as this song reaches its epic finale, the frontman unveils his leathery bat wings… Just because he can. Three years later, and 80,000 people set a karaoke Guinness World Record when they gathered to sing the song in Helsinki - that’s how popular it was, and is!

If you’ve been waiting for a performance based on baking, then we bring good news. This bizarre yet endearing entry from six Russian grannies begins with two of them pushing a tray of cookies into a kiln. Then, while the biscuits bake, the women shuffle around the stage and sing about lighting ovens and kneading dough. The grannies came second in the 2012 competition and used their newfound fame to help raise funds for a church reconstruction back home. Bake sales don’t get any bigger (or better) than this.

Hats off to the Irish for slipping a not-so-subliminal message into this track’s title, but it wasn’t enough for them to progress past even the semi-final stage. Performed by a puppet turkey who first appeared on children’s television alongside Zig and Zag, there’s strangely no real attempt to conceal the puppeteer - which only adds to the general confusion. At least the lyrics are just as ridiculous as the rest of the performance, mocking the competition and throwing in a reference to Terry Wogan’s wig.

It may look like our next performers have wrapped themselves in tin foil, but they’re actually wearing costumes designed by Dolce & Gabbana. The lyrics to this song are part Ukrainian, part German, but all gibberish, as the frontman assures us that “dancing is good” and repeats over and over the phrase “seven, seven, one, two”. Conservative viewers in Ukraine were apparently outraged to have a drag act representing them, but Serduchka had the final word, finishing as runner-up on the night.

LT United from Lithuania Someone may need to explain the rules to this Lithuanian pop group, because they made the mistake of proclaiming themselves victors before the voting had even started. Suited, booted and with stick-on smiles, the highlight of their performance is undoubtedly Arnoldas Lukošius giving this amazing impression of an uncle dancing at a wedding. The fact that LT United finished 6th in the competition is testament to just how hilariously unpredictable Eurovision can be. Still, like everything else on today’s list, the song sure is catchy!