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Top 10 Funniest Urban Legends

VOICE OVER: Rebecca Brayton
Script written by Q.V. Hough

Oh my God, this CAN'T be real. But it could happen, right? Join http://www.WatchMojo.com as we count down our picks for the Top 10 Funniest Urban Legends. For this list, we're counting down the most humorous of the contrived, cautionary tales - even if one or two of them may seem incredibly real to you, and even if one or two may've even been found to be true…

Special thanks to our user Justin Kennon for submitting the idea using our interactive suggestion tool at http://www.WatchMojo.comsuggest
Transcript

Top 10 Funniest Urban Legends


Oh my God, this CAN'T be real. But it could happen, right? Join http://www.WatchMojo.com as we count down our picks for the Top 10 Funniest Urban Legends.

For this list, we’re counting down the most humorous of the contrived, cautionary tales - even if one or two of them may seem incredibly real to you, and even if one or two may’ve even been found to be true…

#10: Mel Gibson Was Born Without a Face

When the average person hears the name “Mel Gibson,” followed by the phrase “The Man Without a Face,” most would come to the conclusion that perhaps there’s a cinematic connection. You know, maybe the 1993 film? Yet the world consists of creative and curious minds, those who produced a theory in which the original “Mad Max” actor somehow came into this universe lacking what science often refers to as “a human face.” There’s another more elaborate rumor that says a thug attack while he was still a young, aspiring actor left him so disfigured he joined the circus until a priest introduced him to the best surgeons the medical world had to offer. God bless you, Internet, but please show YOUR face if you believe this to be real.

#9: Scrotum Self-Repair

Speaking of the medical world, there once lived a man who took a Do-It-Yourself approach when fixing his mangled coin purse. In a devastating yet documented case of masturbation gone wrong, a worker found himself missing a left testy while “using” the canvas-drive belt of running machinery where he worked. He then proceeded to naturally staple his scrotum shut, hoping that perhaps science and logic wouldn’t swoop in to make everything worse. Unfortunately, the man’s scrotum transformed into a bowling ball basically, forcing him to visit the doctor’s office to admit his masturbatory fail. Well, we've all been there, haven't we?

#8: The Killer Biscuits

The Pillsbury Dough Boy looks innocent enough, but this is the same psychopath who once took part in a violent gang initiation. Ok, he didn’t, but according to legend, a woman once arrived in a hospital, clutching her own brains and claiming that a backseat assailant fired a bullet into her skull. Much to her surprise, the glob of brains turned out to be the result of an exploding can of Pillsbury dough, quite different than a premeditated gang initiation ritual. Of course, this story spread via e-mail, causing psychological damage to anyone who didn’t know the difference between human internals and edible flour-based paste.

#7: Copy Machine Polygraph

The human brain can be manipulated in a variety of ways, especially when the cops put a spaghetti strainer on your head and hook you up to a copy machine. According to Internet lore, a Pennsylvania man once admitted to a crime after a supposed “lie detector” repeatedly pumped out a single sheet of paper that said, “he’s lying.” Such a lapse of rational thought has provided for a fantastic myth, but we all know that shady ass, crooked cops wouldn’t actually use a spaghetti strainer (and a xerox machine) to psychologically torment an alleged criminal - they’d probably just beat them with it. Shadily.

#6: Sperm Burglars or Pudding Surprise

For decades, the movies have depicted criminals who rob jewelry stores and such, but where in the hell are the sperm burglars? In this story, a couple of thieves bust into the local sperm bank – without knowing it’s a sperm bank, of course - and what do they find? A bowl of creamy pudding, of course! Since reason goes out the window at snack time, in this ridiculous urban legend the burglars gobble up the bowl of baby batter like a pint of ice cream during a power outage. If you're eager to Alta Vista your way to the truth on this, please know that there are a few variations of this legend out there.

#5: The Cemented Sports Car

Ask yourself: what would happen if you arrived home from work and saw a new sports car in the driveway? Well, if you’re the subject of this myth, you naturally assume that someone went inside to sex up your wife. As the story goes, a cement mixer becomes so terrified that someone was doing the horizontal bop with his Mrs that he filled up the car with cement… only to discover it was actually a gift from his old lady. Sure, it’s a non-violent way to make a point, but anyone who gives credence to this myth is most certainly a legitimate blockhead.

#4: The Exploding Toilet

If one thing is for certain, it’s that we all fear the concept of the exploding toilet. Some people visit the loo only one or two times a day, while some will go #2 at least five times on a daily basis. In this tale, a woman inadvertently dumps flammable material into the toilet, but later when her husband drops by for a deuce and complementary cigarette, he’s literally blown away by the set of circumstances. That’s to say that the toilet itself lit a fire under his ass. Lesson? If you smoke, one day you'll light your ass on fire.

#3: Richard Gere and His Gerbil

For any successful male star in Hollywood, it’s only natural for pop culture pundits to question their sexuality, and back in the early ‘90s, it was Richard Gere’s turn to feel the wrath of the myth. We won’t get into specifics, but this utterly astounding legend has the “Pretty Woman” star arriving at the doctor’s office with a dead gerbil lodged up his bum, with some “sources” stating it was by way of the cardboard from a paper toilet roll. Although unfounded, by the end of the ‘90s the rodent story had even been referenced in numerous Hollywood films and still, strangely, persists today.

#2: Rod Stewart’s Stomach of Semen

Here’s another pop culture tale, and while Rod Stewart has become the one most commonly attached, chances are you’ve probably heard this story about different oversexed musicians over the years. Much like the gerbil legend, this story makes the rounds simply to question the sexuality of an artist, and in a most spectacular way. According to Rod Stewart himself, the narrative was first introduced by an angry publicist, who spread the rumor that the singer had consumed a bit too much …fluid … at a gay bar filled with sailors. You probably get the idea, but then again, maybe you don’t.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
The Cigar Arsonist
The Zoo Parking Attendant
Megan Fox Was Born a Man
Marilyn Manson Is Paul from ‘The Wonder Years’

#1: The Constipated Elephant

As they say, no one gets out of here alive, and while nobody can predict the future, certainly nobody can imagine a scenario in which they are suffocated by a good 200 pounds of elephant poo. Yep, here’s a story in which a German zookeeper attempted to treat his constipated African elephant by feeding him a few too many laxatives, only to be destroyed by a streaming pile of hot dung. Sure, we all love Mr Hankey - but we'd rather not imagine Mr Hankey and a couple hundred of his friends being the reason for our untimely demise. Be careful out there...

Do you agree with our list? Which urban legend makes you laugh? For more mind-blowing Top 10s published daily, be sure to subscribe to WatchMojo.com.
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