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Top 10 Epic Rap Battles of History Pt.2

VO: Rebecca Brayton
Script written by Hello, and welcome to TopX, where we count down the very best that YouTube has to offer! Today, we’re dustin’ down the mic for round two, as we look at another top 10 Epic Rap Battles of History. For this list, we’ve gathered together the very another 10 of the greatest ERB episodes ever aired. It’s the second time we’ve looked at the channel, so be sure to check out our equally epic first video for more brilliant battles.

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Hello, and welcome to TopX, where we count down the very best that YouTube has to offer! Today, we’re dustin’ down the mic for round two, as we look at another top 10 Epic Rap Battles of History.

For this list, we’ve gathered together the very another 10 of the greatest ERB episodes ever aired. It’s the second time we’ve looked at the channel, so be sure to check out our equally epic first video for more brilliant battles.

#10: Eastern Philosophers vs. Western Philosophers

We set the ball rolling with a Battle Royale of worldly wisdom. In the East corner; Lao Tzu, Sun Tzu and Confucius. In the West; Nietzsche, Socrates and Voltaire. Six of the sturdiest pillars in the history of philosophy, whose big ideas sound best on the mic? Socrates and Sun Tzu arguably sneak an early advantage but both teams soon discover divisions in their own ranks as well – and then it’s every wise man for himself. Nietzsche spells it out, Lao Tzu causes doubt, and Voltaire rolls back the years to remind us all why he was so heavily censored in the first place. Confucius has the final say, but he just compounds the chaos with a joke about his genitals. Philosophize that!

#9: Freddie Mercury vs. Frank Sinatra

They’re two of the greatest icons of twentieth century music, and these are some of the most savage lines ever seen on Epic Rap Battles. Neither Freddie nor Frankie were especially famed for fast rhymes, but they hold nothing back here. Sinatra’s lyrics aim straight at Freddie’s sexuality, while Mercury makes fun of Frank’s inferior musicality. It’s a clash of pop cultural kings, but the Queen lead singer seems to shade it. The Chairman of the Board definitely does it his way and “gets under his opponent’s skin,” but, as “the end draws near” Freddie “the Bohemian Rhaposidize-r” Mercury battles through with signature style and anthemic skill. He is the champion, my friends.

#8: Bruce Lee vs. Clint Eastwood

Big screen badasses don’t come more qualified than these two. Bruce Lee’s fists of fury have landed him legendary status as martial arts cinema’s most famous son, while Clint Eastwood’s the sharpest cinematic shooter going. It’s an aggressively overloaded verbal fight, but who can wield words strong enough to win? Lee performs well and delivers a middle finger to remember, but Eastwood attacks where it really hurts. First he gives a minuscule mention to Bruce’s manhood, then he finishes with a devastating reference to Lee’s family. It takes more than a two-fingered push-up to come back from that.

#7: Michael Jordan vs. Muhammad Ali

Basketball meets boxing next, as MJ meets Ali in a heavyweight clash. At their primes, these two were at the very top of their respective games – and they both know it. Egged
on by his athletic ego, Jordan scores slam-dunks on Ali, referencing his pacifism, Parkinson’s disease and brief career as a Broadway actor. Ali uppercuts through the insults with rhymes about Jordan’s gambling addiction, his corporate deals, and his dead father. On the one hand, Ali’s calling Jordan out for staying at the Ritz is probably the funniest, fiercest and cleverest line here. On the other hand, he finishes by dissing “Space Jam,” which is a real risk because a lot of people love that movie! Whether you sit courtside or ringside, it’s a knockout, three-pointer of a battle.

#6: Nikola Tesla vs. Thomas Edison

The anticipation for this match up is really electric. While some of today’s twosomes never had any actual beef with one another in real life, Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla did. While history remembers Edison as a serial inventor and Tesla as the archetypal mad scientist, it has become increasingly clear that Edison’s light bulb moment might not have been all his own work. Tesla had visions of free energy for everyone, but Edison smothered his scientific breakthroughs with patents aplenty – and it’s that which forms the basis of this rap battle. It’s hard to say where the power rests here, but if you love science-based puns then plug into this because this sound will always be current.

#5: Rick Grimes vs. Walter White

Because fictional characters can rap with the best of them - the Walking Dead’s Rick Grimes squares off with Breaking Bad’s Walter White for an AMC showdown between zombie killer and meth maker. Grimes draws lyrical inspiration from his inherent desire to do good, compared to White’s double life as a criminal mastermind. White sees it differently though, and pitches Grimes’ good nature as reason for his failure, topping it all off with a harsh reminder of his wife’s infidelity. In the end it’s a question of courage: what takes more balls, facing the undead, or modeling those underpants?

#4: Moses vs. Santa Claus

We’re feeling festive at four, with a Biblical battle for the holiday season. Snoop Dogg steps in as Moses, who doesn’t take kindly to Santa’s version of Christmas. Snoop fans will no doubt enjoy the subtle nods to the rapper’s own music, and anyone with even the slightest knowledge of the holy book is sure to say a prayer for some of these puns. Santa’s burning bush/smoking weed gag is a good one, while Moses’ Red Sea threat is full of the fear of God. Santa slays his rival by highlighting double standards, Moses gathers followers with fat jokes. Whichever side you choose, it makes for an X-rated Xmas and hilarious New Year.

#3: Rasputin vs. Stalin

Why pit the poetic skills of just two historic figures together, when you can tackle five and take on a whole nation’s history. For the season two finale, ERB brings famed witchdoctor Rasputin and infamous dictator Joseph Stalin to the mic. The two trade blows over each other’s questionable ideals, before Lenin shows up in a hellish red glow and very nearly steals the show. There follows a crazed appearance by Mikhail Gorbachev, before a final, and quite fantastic verse by self-titled president in his prime, Vladimir Putin. Putin’s nonchalance is what wins it for us. Oh, and keep your eyes peeled in this one; YouTube superstar PewDiePie guest stars as the celebrated ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov. It really does have it all!

#2: Jack the Ripper vs. Hannibal Lecter

What do you get when you give a real killer and a fictional cannibal the chance to chase rhymes? A rap that’s so gory it’s good, and so bloody it’s brilliant. Dr Lecter proves incredibly difficult to beat during this battle, where he always seems one step ahead of his Victorian foe. But Jack rips into the psychoanalysis in verse two and reminds Lecter that his crimes are just an author’s creation; what Jack the Ripper did truly terrorized a city. Lecter remains unimpressed though, and finishes with a fearsome flourish, and a nod to his most famous film. Is it Jack the lamb that’s silenced, or had he ripped up the competition long before that?

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

Ghostbusters vs. Mythbusters

J. R. R. Tolkien vs. George R. R. Martin

Blackbeard vs. Al Capone

#1: Cleopatra vs. Marilyn Monroe

An Egyptian pharaoh and a silver screen queen, Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe were both idolized in their own way. For today’s top battle, however, we bow down to the brutality, because this one is vicious. Monroe kicks things off with a feminized call for Cleopatra to ‘suck it’, before Cleo takes shots at Monroe’s many sexual conquests. It might’ve turned into a casual catfight, but then Cleopatra lays down an overdose taunt and things get heavy. But some like it hot and Monroe can stand the heat – her Seven Year Itch putdown is priceless. We just can’t call this one, but Epic Rap Battles doesn’t get any better than this!

That's it for today's list… Which rap battle did we forget? As always, be sure to check us out on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter; vote for upcoming lists on our suggest page, and for more great top tens published every day, be sure to subscribe to!

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