Top 10 Horror Movies That Should NEVER Have Been Remade
#10: “Halloween” (1978)
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The question that comes up again and again involving any sort of remake is this: how does one improve upon the original? Rob Zombie’s take on “Halloween” was definitely unique, meriting both discussion and critical analysis with regard to the director’s style and point-of-view. However, it becomes difficult to separate Zombie’s grim and nasty remake from the shadow of John Carpenter’s original, particularly since the latter is so justifiably recognized as perhaps the most perfect horror film of its day. This feeling of suspense is largely missing from Zombie’s “Halloween,” and it’s much-missed since the latter ends up feeling more like an exploitation film than a slasher. This may have been Zombie’s intent, but it still perhaps should’ve just been given a different title.
#9: “My Bloody Valentine” (1981)
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Speaking of slashers, “My Bloody Valentine” arrived at the apex of that genre’s boom back in the early 1980s. As a result, this Canadian film felt the brunt and backlash of the ratings board when it finally came time for release at Paramount Pictures. “My Bloody Valentine” may be among the most heavily-edited slashers of its day, but it was also an outlier with many of that genre’s established tropes. There’s a lot of character development within the story, and those characters make thoughtful decisions as the violence ramps up throughout the film. Compare this with 2009’s “My Bloody Valentine 3D” remake, and you have a comparatively less suspenseful and more boneheaded film with poor CGI that just can’t compete with the ‘80s OG.
#8: “The Stepfather” (1987)
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There are two reasons why 1987’s “The Stepfather” failed as a remake. For starters, there’s the fact that the 2009 iteration went with a PG-13 rating, effectively castrating its ability to push boundaries similar to the original. Additionally, there’s one huge elephant in the room, and that elephant is named Terry O’Quinn. The actor’s performance in the film is completely believable and magnetic. It’s the sort of work that makes it easy to submit to “The Stepfather” and its story of a homicidal maniac, obsessively seeking the perfect family. Dylan Walsh did a fine job with the script that was given, but O’Quinn’s shoes were just too big to fill, effectively making him the only actor who should even be considered to play “The Stepfather.”
#7: “The Haunting” (1963)
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Remaking classic horror movies can sometimes be a great cinematic sandbox, a place for filmmakers to play, where older ideas can be given new life for a younger audience. However, this only works if respect is given to both the source material and the craft. “The Haunting” from 1963 works brilliantly as both a ghost story, as well as a more grounded tale of mental stress and anxiety. This subtext is lost when elements such as poorly rendered CGI and corny jump scares are tossed in, as evidenced by the horrible 1999 remake. The latter is remembered more for attempting to ride the coattails of the original to make a buck, more than anything remotely satisfying or respectful to “The Haunting” or its continued legacy.
#6: “Carnival of Souls” (1962)
The original “Carnivals of Souls” is one of the most effective cult classics of its day. Director Herk Harvey’s only feature film possesses an atmosphere unlike any other, an uneasy and dreamlike quality that makes the viewer question everything that’s put in front of their eyes. It’s this originality that made the film endure for so many decades, while others from the same period have been lost to the sands of time. This makes the 1998 version feel even more out of place, particularly since this remake is basically in-name-only. The story focuses more on garish imagery and violence than the surreal creepiness of the original, again begging the question as to why it was titled “Carnival of Souls” in the first place.
#5: “The Fog” (1980)
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John Carpenter’s films possess a style all their own, a calling card that’s made the man one of the most respected creative voices in the horror world. As a result, any remake of the man’s work is going to be dealt with a bit of scrutiny. “The Fog” from 1980 is perhaps one of Carpenter’s less-discussed hits, but that didn’t stop it from being remade in 2005. Here, it’s the strength of the original’s assembled cast that assists “The Fog” in being so memorable. Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Atkins, Adrienne Barbeau, Janet Leigh, and Hal Holbrook are all-heavy hitters, and the 2005 iteration just didn’t possess proper star power to make the cut.
#4: “Poltergeist” (1982)
For many, “Poltergeist” is a perfect entry point for horror, a place where many kids experienced their first fright. This 1982 collaboration between director Tobe Hooper and producer Steven Spielberg is respected and remembered today as an effective story, with likable characters… and scenes that pushed the PG rating to its limit. The question can then be asked: what do people have to say about the “Poltergeist” remake from 2015? Will it be seen in the same light, so many years for now? The remake is arguably forgotten today, even by those who’ve seen it, thanks to its lack of atmosphere, and excessive reliance upon cheap horror tropes like jump scares. Sometimes, you just can’t beat the classics.
#3: “A Nightmare on Elm Street” (1984)
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The fact that both Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers wear masks has made it easy over the years for both of those iconic characters to have been played by multiple actors. This isn’t so simple when it comes to the other member of horror’s unholy trinity, Freddy Krueger. Simply stated: Robert Englund perfected the role, and this makes it difficult for any sort of “Nightmare on Elm Street” remake to get off the ground with any sort of traction. It isn’t even really the fault of Jackie Earle Haley, since the effort is clearly put there on the screen with his work on the 2010 remake, but this franchise frankly lives and dies with Englund’s presence on screen.
#2: “The Wicker Man” (1973)
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For as much as critics and fans harp upon the necessity for remakes to differentiate themselves from their forebears, there IS such a thing as taking it too far. Case in point? The 2006 version of “The Wicker Man,” which functions more as a meme generator than a fully-functioning film. Thinking about it now, Robin Hardy’s 1973 vision is just so quirky and dependent upon folk history and pagan mythology, it’s the sort of lightning-in-a-bottle moment that lives better on its own, in a vacuum. Today, the term “folk horror” has some buzz to it, thanks to efforts like Ari Aster’s “Midsommar” taking what “The Wicker Man” did and running with it, but Hardy’s film remains a cinematic triumph that never should’ve been remade.
#1: “Psycho” (1960)
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It’s fitting that this list is bookended by films that are often described as “perfect” by both diehards and outsiders to the horror realm. “Psycho” is most certainly a masterpiece from director Alfred Hitchcock, and actually benefited from some strong sequels in the 1980s. These sequels did a fine job of updating the troubling and tragic Norman Bates character for a new slasher generation, and it wasn’t until “Psycho” hit the remake train that the wheels started to fall off. This is because director Gus Van Sant did a shot-for-shot retread in 1998, this time with Vince Vaughn as Bates. The latter’s performance is commendable, but the “Psycho” remake was still extraneous to need, while the Hitchcock OG is still a textbook case of filmmaking 101.
