Top 10 Worst Teen Movies of All Time
#10: “The Blue Lagoon” (1980)
Top 10 Teen Movies That Were Ahead Of Their Time
The ‘80s were truly a different time. Based on a novel written in the early 1900s, “The Blue Lagoon” follows two young cousins who are shipwrecked on a tropical island. After their adult guardian dies, they’re forced to come of age alongside each other, without any form of supervision or societal restriction. Eventually, they begin exploring their sexuality together, and spend a lot of time skinny dipping, making out, and just walking around naked. Besides just being boring, one major problem was that Brooke Shields wasn’t even an adult yet when the scenes were filmed, while her co-star, Christopher Atkins, was. Although a body double was used for Shields’ nude scenes, chances are you’ll probably still feel creeped out.
#9: “Beastly” (2011)
Falling squarely in the middle of “Twilight” mania, “Beastly” seemingly sought to capitalize on the supernatural teen romance craze. A modern retelling of “Beauty and the Beast,” almost nothing about this movie works. It’s set in a present-day high school where, for some reason, one of the students is an actual witch, and no one thinks that’s weird. She curses the arrogant Kyle Kingson – get it? – with ugliness, giving him a year to find love and break the spell. But instead of being turned into an actual beast, Kyle just gets facial scars and some pretty rad-looking tattoos. The worst part, though, is the dialogue. The quippy one-liners sound like they were written by aliens who clearly have never met a human teenager.
#8: “Sorority Boys” (2002)
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a group of men dress up like women in order to get access to female spaces for one reason or another. The trope has seen many lame reiterations – yes, we’re looking at you “White Chicks” – but “Sorority Boys” might just be the worst of them all. When three frat boys get kicked out of their house for stealing, they decide to pose as women in a convoluted attempt to clear their names. Full of sexist stereotypes and utterly inane jokes, this movie relies on the dated idea that men wearing dresses and makeup is automatically funny. Spoiler alert: it’s not. And “Sorority Boys” does a pretty great job at proving that.
#7: “Zapped!” (1982)
Another early ‘80s movie that’s extremely problematic, without any compensation in the entertainment department. “Zapped!” tells the story of a high schooler named Barney who suddenly gains telekinetic powers after a lab accident. While we certainly don’t expect a teenager with superpowers to cure world hunger, it’s quite shocking just how creepy this film gets. In addition to cheating his way through baseball games, Barney uses his powers to take off people’s clothes against their will, solely for his pleasure. And for some reason, the filmmakers seemed to not have seen anything disturbing about this. Billed as “the comedy that won’t let you down,” this movie did exactly that and zapped us of all our fun energy.
#6: “Mean Girls 2” (2011)
Top 10 Worst Teen Movies
If ever there was a sequel that shouldn’t have been made, this would be it. The original “Mean Girls” is practically perfect, full of crazy but relatable characters, great acting, and dialogue we’re still quoting years later. “Mean Girls 2,” however, comes off more like a lazy rehash of that film than a sequel. Not only does it lack the sharp comedy of its predecessor, but it also features almost none of the characters. The actors here sound like they’re reading dialogue from a teleprompter that is generic and unfunny. Where is Tina Fey’s amazing wit when you need it? This movie proves that sometimes, it’s okay to not make a follow-up, and we feel personally victimized by how bad it is.
#5: “Twelve” (2010)
Have you heard the storytelling advice to “show, not tell”? Well, apparently, the makers of this film hadn’t. A young man dealing with the death of his mother and turning to drug dealing to support himself could have been a compelling watch. Unfortunately, this movie handles such a subject with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. “Twelve” tries its darndest to look cool, but it’s actually just cynical and pretentious. Worst of all is the heavy-handed narration that spells out each character’s motivations instead of letting their actions speak for themselves. It’s supposed to sound edgy, but most of the time, it’s so over-the-top, it’s laughable. If only there was some actual character development, then maybe we could’ve had a decent film on our hands.
#4: “Dude, Where's My Car?” (2000)
This title tells you basically everything you need to know about this one. After a pretty eventful night, best friends Jesse and Chester wake up terribly hungover. As you probably guessed, the two soon realize that Jesse’s car is missing and in order to find it, they must figure out what happened the previous night. It’s not that this film doesn’t offer up any jokes. In fact, they’re non-stop. The problem is they heavily rely on cheap, lowbrow humor and end up just not being funny. Throw in Ashton Kutcher and Seann William Scott’s obnoxious performances, and you’ve got a tiresome movie that already felt dated when it came out. We liked it a lot more when it was called “The Hangover.”
#3: “From Justin to Kelly” (2003)
Top 10 Worst Movies Of All Time
A humble Texas waitress and a college student from Pennsylvania meet in Miami during spring break. Love triangles, miscommunication, and every other lame, overused rom-com trope follow. Starring Kelly Clarkson, the first ever winner of “American Idol,” and her runner-up Justin Guarini, this film was nothing more than a shameless cash-in on the show’s popularity. For a musical inspired by the hit singing competition series, you’d think it would at least have decent music. But nope, the songs here are just as generic as the plot. The thinly-written characters are a lazy collection of stereotypes and cliches, made worse by the absolutely terrible acting. We’ve seen more sophisticated choices in Hallmark channel movies.
#2: “Cruel Intentions 2” (2001)
The first movie in the “Cruel Intentions” series was a sleek, sexy guilty pleasure. This direct-to-video prequel, on the other hand, is the definition of an exhausting watch. Following the success of the original film, a prequel series was ordered but ultimately canceled after only two episodes were filmed. Those episodes were then reworked into the disaster that is “Cruel Intentions 2.” In this, the formerly smooth and charming Sebastian is re-characterized as naive and obnoxious, in a portrayal by Robin Dunne that feels truly bizarre. Meanwhile, Amy Adams’ turn as Kathryn Merteuil is just a bad impression of Sarah Michelle Gellar. Top that off with sex scenes that feel gratuitous and we’re left wondering, “What were the filmmakers even thinking?”
#1: “The Covenant” (2006)
Top 100 WORST Movies of All Time
Mix together the plots of “The Craft,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and any generic teen soap opera and you’ll get “The Covenant.” Revolving around five Massachusetts prep school boys who are secretly witches, this film is filled with good-looking actors who clearly have nothing else to offer. Without any original ideas of its own, “The Covenant” tries too hard to be as gritty and scary as the projects it heavily borrows from. Yet, it fails on every level, leaving audiences with a movie that is not only terribly written and acted, but one that you’d have already forgotten about by the time the end credits roll. It’s not so much a feature film, as it is an overlong Abercrombie & Fitch commercial.
