Festivus and the Top 10 Fake TV Holidays

#10 – Chrismukkah – “The O.C.”

We credit Seth Cohen and his interfaith family with sparking this alternative holiday. Decorate the Christmas tree and light the Hanukkah menorah: Chrismukkah is eight days of presents, followed by one day of many presents. To honor Jewish traditions, the family orders Chinese food and watches holiday flicks at home on Christmas day.

#9 – The Festival of the Bells – “Fraggle Rock,” “A Muppet Family Christmas”

Fraggle legend says that when the weather gets colder near Winter Solstice, the Rock slows down. To kick start it for another year, the Great Bell found at the center of the Rock must ring. For that to happen, all Fraggles must ring their own bells. Other rituals include the dance of the Weebabeast and giving the same pebble to each other over and over.

#8 – Yaksmas – “Ren and Stimpy”

Don’t forget to hang your dirty long johns on the wall, Yaksmas is upon us! Every child dreams of seeing Stinky Wizzleteats as he floats through the air in his enchanted canoe. Make sure to decorate appropriately so he chooses your lawn to pass out on. If you’ve been nice, you can expect lots of sausage and pre-chewed bubble gum for the whole family to enjoy.

#7 – Weasel Stomping Day – “Robot Chicken” (feat. “Weird Al” Yankovic)

Grab your heaviest boots and your Viking helmet, and don’t forget to smear the lawn with mayonnaise to attract your furry victims. Weasel Stomping Day happens every year on the fictional date of June 31st, and is just one example of a holiday PETA would hate. But boy, there’s nothing like the sound of cracking weasel bones.

#6 – Merlinpeen: The Verdukian Holiday of Mouth Pleasures – “30 Rock”

If you want to get out of a confusing Secret Santa, invent a religion. Merlinpeen is one of the most celebrated traditions of Verdukianism, and allows adherents to leave work early to go see a movie. Other bizarre customs include decorating with a bowl of meat cubes and a picture of Jimmy Connors, and much, much more. There’s even a Merlinpeen carol!! Sorta.

#5 - Refrigerator Day – “Dinosaurs”

Before the fridge, dinosaurs roamed for food, so Pangea’s most important holiday celebrates this life-changing invention. Fridge Day is the dinosaurs’ answer to Christmas, and is observed by giving presents, decorating the home, singing festive carols and a pageant. However, like Christmas, commercialization can interfere, and even dinosaurs can get carried away.

#4 – Whacking Day – “The Simpsons”

This ritual is not for the faint of heart: Every May 10th, the people of Springfield lure snakes into town to beat them with wooden clubs. The holiday actually originated as a way to beat the Irish, but fortunately Bart and Barry White helped the town change their ways. In reality, Whacking Day was based on a similar snake-beating festival in Texas. Don’t pretend you’re surprised.

#3 – Freedom Day, Robanukah – “Futurama”

“Futurama” invented two awesome fictional holidays. Freedom Day allows you to do whatever you want, including nude hot tubbing. Robanukah, on the other hand, is a robot holiday Bender invented to skip work. It’s the holiest time on the robot calendar, and comes after the equally-fake Robomadan and Robonzaa. To mark Robanukah, fembots wrestle in petroleum for six-and-a-half weeks.

#2 – Life Day – “The Star Wars Holiday Special”

The sacred Wookiee ritual of Life Day is celebrated by the residents of Kashyyyk to remember family members who’ve passed away and to honor the young. Others in the Star Wars universe celebrate as well in the spirit of galactic peace. Traditions include eating, lighting fireworks and singing.

#1 – Festivus – “Seinfeld”

Dig that pole outta the crawl space, prepare for the feats of strength and make sure you’ve got plenty of grievances to air: Festivus time is here! Frank Costanza invented this celebration to fight holiday consumerism after getting into a fistfight over a doll for his son. Who doesn’t love a celebration where you tell your friends and family how they’ve disappointed you? December 23rd: It’s a Festivus for the rest of us.