10 Times Metal Gear Solid Made NO SENSE
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VOICE OVER: Mathew Arter
WRITTEN BY: Mathew Arter
There are a lot of things in "Metal Gear Solid" that don't make sense. For this list, we'll be looking at the long running, convoluted and almost always strange Metal Gear series to find those moments that push the boundaries of reality just a little bit too far, even for their own in-game universe. Our list of times "Metal Gear Solid" made no sense includes The De-evolution of Metal Gear, Venom Snake's Shrapnel, Cardboard Boxes, The Patriots, and more!
Script written by Mathew Arter
Welcome to MojoPlays, and today we are trying our best to not upset Kojima with 10 Times Metal Gear Solid Made No Sense. For this list, we’ll be looking at the long running, convoluted and almost always strange Metal Gear series to find those moments that push the boundaries of reality just a little bit too far, even for their own in-game universe. Do you agree with this list? Let us know in the comments below!
Look, there are a lot of story, and plot related things in Metal Gear Solid that we should be focusing on, but we couldn’t make a list of things that make no sense in MGS, without mentioning the infinite ammo bandana. In almost all of the MGS games, players can unlock this item by completing a playthrough and sticking to particular parameters. Once acquired, the player can make their way through the game on a second playthrough with, that’s right, unlimited ammunition. We could let this go as a fun extra game mechanic, but they folded it into the lore in MGS2! This makes no sense Snake! How does it work, Snake? Snake?? SNAKE!!!
In the leadup to MGSV: The Phantom Pain, our protagonist Venom Snake is involved in an incident that leaves him with a large piece of shrapnel sticking out of his skull. The shrapnel was unable to be removed, because it is also embedded in his brain. Ignoring the medical anomaly that is someone with metal lodged in their brain not only retaining complete function of their body, but excelling, couldn’t someone have shaved it down a little bit? One knock to that thing, and it’s going far enough into the brain that no ration could save it. There’s also the fact that if the character is naughty enough, it grows like a horn, we don’t have nearly enough time for this list. Moving on!
Sure, it might be silly to focus in on this one particular member of MGS3’s Cobra Unit, especially when you’ve got a man who can summon bees, a self-mutilating spider-man, and a 100-year-old sniper who runs like Usain Bolt, but The Sorrow takes the cake for just kinda not making sense. First of all, he’s a ghost, so ghosts just straight up exist now, but he also has some impact over the weather of the real world whenever he’s around. He was able to guide Snake through the spirit world and also help him in the real world. When he was alive, he was a medium for the dead, but does that automatically mean that when he’s dead, he’s a medium for the living? I guess so? Wait! Am I gonna be making MojoPlays videos in heaven? Oh Jesus.
In Metal Gear Solid 3, Naked Snake’s mentor and mother figure The Boss, carries out an intricate and plot twisting mission of self-destruction, and heroism, that inevitably leads to her death at the hands of Snake. During the final fight, once her chest is visible, players can see the c-section scar from when she “gave birth on the battlefield.” There are a couple of problems with this scar. Firstly, even for a c-section performed on a battlefield, it’s very difficult to imagine someone thinking they need to cut above her stomach, across her breast, and up to her chest. Did Raiden perform this surgery? And also more importantly, why did the scar crawl off her body and become a snake after she died? I swear if anybody says symbolism, I will CQC you back to the stone age.
With Metal Gear Solid, the games haven't been released chronologically, and that can make things difficult when the latest entries in the series are set before the old gen entries. The problem with Metal Gear Solid, is that you want the technology (and specifically the variations of Metal Gear) to be bigger, badder, and cooler than the Metal Gears that came before. Technologically, MGSV’s Sahelanthropus wasn’t as strong, or practical, as Metal Gear REX from MGS1, as it came 30 years prior; I mean, at least that’s what the characters say in the script, but, take a look at the two war mechs in action, and you try and convince me that REX would beat Sahalanthropus in a street brawl 1v1, no gloves, no worries.
Throughout the Metal Gear series, voices have changed and adapted, most notably with the recasting of Big Boss (Naked Snake) from MGS3 to MGSV. This voice change was not explained, and just brushed over as ‘one of those things.’ The more significant voice changes were those of Mei Ling, and Naomi Hunter, who maintained the same voice actors, but transitioned from a Chinese and an English accent respectively, to American accents for both characters. The accents changed when The Twin Snakes remake dropped, and they continued to maintain American accents from then onwards. The reason for this was most likely due to bad direction in the original games, as the characters were both American born, and therefore shouldn’t have had those accents to begin with.
Okay, this one is a little silly, we understand, but try and level with us a little. The idea throughout the Metal Gear Solid games that these different protagonist variations (who are all tactical espionage experts) would carry and use cardboard boxes as a means for camouflage, is so silly that we borderline love it. The cardboard box has become a staple of the series, and we understand why, it IS hilarious, but why are there so many cardboard boxes around? Where does Snake put the cardboard box? Is nuclear material delivered in cardboard? What is happening at Shadow Moses? Good god.
Metal Gear Solid is a series that is not immune to cringe - a good amount of the dialogue, the overdramatic characters, Metal Gear Survive - there are some moments that definitely make us sink into our chairs. Metal Gear Solid 3 has one of these moments (well actually, it has a lot of these moments). It is easily the best entry in the series, don’t get us wrong, but when Ocelot who is usually quite cool and collected decides to call his Ocelot unit, he lets out a harrowing meow. We get it, ocelots, cats, meow, whatever, this idea definitely needed another opinion in the mix, because if I heard my boss let out that noise, I’d quit.
Quiet from MGSV, is an interesting case of ‘stop asking so many questions.’ During the prologue of The Phantom Pain, she sustains serious injuries after being lit on fire. Because of this she can now only breathe and drink through her skin... Wait no, that can’t be right? Nope, that is correct. After being terribly burnt, she was infected with a parasite that would aid her healing, and also create these side effects that are completely idiosyncratic. The more you look into her, the more it just seems like Kojima was trying to do everything in his power to get her clothes off, the dirty dog.
The entire timeline of The Patriots, as well as who they were at what particular time, and whether they were who they said they were, or whether they were called what they said they were called when they were who we thought they were when we thought they were that … is a constant debate online. The true answer is, we don’t have one. But let me try and explain the problem. In MGS2, Solidus Snake (our villain) is trying to get the names of the Patriots (the society of high government who truly run the world). It is discovered though, that the patriots have been dead for over 100 years. This directly conflicts with the deaths of the original Wisemen's Committee dying in the 30’s, and the actual formation of the group officially known as The Patriots in the 70’s. The Philosophers and The Patriots are known well and truly as separate entities, yet the writing in some moments of the series suggests that not everybody on the scripting team has remembered this... OR, there are some details we don’t know. Either way, try to explain the ending of MGS2 to me with absolute clarity and I’ll buy you a beer.
Welcome to MojoPlays, and today we are trying our best to not upset Kojima with 10 Times Metal Gear Solid Made No Sense. For this list, we’ll be looking at the long running, convoluted and almost always strange Metal Gear series to find those moments that push the boundaries of reality just a little bit too far, even for their own in-game universe. Do you agree with this list? Let us know in the comments below!
Infinite Ammo Bandana
Look, there are a lot of story, and plot related things in Metal Gear Solid that we should be focusing on, but we couldn’t make a list of things that make no sense in MGS, without mentioning the infinite ammo bandana. In almost all of the MGS games, players can unlock this item by completing a playthrough and sticking to particular parameters. Once acquired, the player can make their way through the game on a second playthrough with, that’s right, unlimited ammunition. We could let this go as a fun extra game mechanic, but they folded it into the lore in MGS2! This makes no sense Snake! How does it work, Snake? Snake?? SNAKE!!!
Venom Snake’s Shrapnel
In the leadup to MGSV: The Phantom Pain, our protagonist Venom Snake is involved in an incident that leaves him with a large piece of shrapnel sticking out of his skull. The shrapnel was unable to be removed, because it is also embedded in his brain. Ignoring the medical anomaly that is someone with metal lodged in their brain not only retaining complete function of their body, but excelling, couldn’t someone have shaved it down a little bit? One knock to that thing, and it’s going far enough into the brain that no ration could save it. There’s also the fact that if the character is naughty enough, it grows like a horn, we don’t have nearly enough time for this list. Moving on!
The Sorrow
Sure, it might be silly to focus in on this one particular member of MGS3’s Cobra Unit, especially when you’ve got a man who can summon bees, a self-mutilating spider-man, and a 100-year-old sniper who runs like Usain Bolt, but The Sorrow takes the cake for just kinda not making sense. First of all, he’s a ghost, so ghosts just straight up exist now, but he also has some impact over the weather of the real world whenever he’s around. He was able to guide Snake through the spirit world and also help him in the real world. When he was alive, he was a medium for the dead, but does that automatically mean that when he’s dead, he’s a medium for the living? I guess so? Wait! Am I gonna be making MojoPlays videos in heaven? Oh Jesus.
The Boss’s Scar
In Metal Gear Solid 3, Naked Snake’s mentor and mother figure The Boss, carries out an intricate and plot twisting mission of self-destruction, and heroism, that inevitably leads to her death at the hands of Snake. During the final fight, once her chest is visible, players can see the c-section scar from when she “gave birth on the battlefield.” There are a couple of problems with this scar. Firstly, even for a c-section performed on a battlefield, it’s very difficult to imagine someone thinking they need to cut above her stomach, across her breast, and up to her chest. Did Raiden perform this surgery? And also more importantly, why did the scar crawl off her body and become a snake after she died? I swear if anybody says symbolism, I will CQC you back to the stone age.
The De-evolution of Metal Gear
With Metal Gear Solid, the games haven't been released chronologically, and that can make things difficult when the latest entries in the series are set before the old gen entries. The problem with Metal Gear Solid, is that you want the technology (and specifically the variations of Metal Gear) to be bigger, badder, and cooler than the Metal Gears that came before. Technologically, MGSV’s Sahelanthropus wasn’t as strong, or practical, as Metal Gear REX from MGS1, as it came 30 years prior; I mean, at least that’s what the characters say in the script, but, take a look at the two war mechs in action, and you try and convince me that REX would beat Sahalanthropus in a street brawl 1v1, no gloves, no worries.
Where did your accent go?
Throughout the Metal Gear series, voices have changed and adapted, most notably with the recasting of Big Boss (Naked Snake) from MGS3 to MGSV. This voice change was not explained, and just brushed over as ‘one of those things.’ The more significant voice changes were those of Mei Ling, and Naomi Hunter, who maintained the same voice actors, but transitioned from a Chinese and an English accent respectively, to American accents for both characters. The accents changed when The Twin Snakes remake dropped, and they continued to maintain American accents from then onwards. The reason for this was most likely due to bad direction in the original games, as the characters were both American born, and therefore shouldn’t have had those accents to begin with.
Cardboard Boxes
Okay, this one is a little silly, we understand, but try and level with us a little. The idea throughout the Metal Gear Solid games that these different protagonist variations (who are all tactical espionage experts) would carry and use cardboard boxes as a means for camouflage, is so silly that we borderline love it. The cardboard box has become a staple of the series, and we understand why, it IS hilarious, but why are there so many cardboard boxes around? Where does Snake put the cardboard box? Is nuclear material delivered in cardboard? What is happening at Shadow Moses? Good god.
Meowcelot
Metal Gear Solid is a series that is not immune to cringe - a good amount of the dialogue, the overdramatic characters, Metal Gear Survive - there are some moments that definitely make us sink into our chairs. Metal Gear Solid 3 has one of these moments (well actually, it has a lot of these moments). It is easily the best entry in the series, don’t get us wrong, but when Ocelot who is usually quite cool and collected decides to call his Ocelot unit, he lets out a harrowing meow. We get it, ocelots, cats, meow, whatever, this idea definitely needed another opinion in the mix, because if I heard my boss let out that noise, I’d quit.
Quiet Makes No Sense
Quiet from MGSV, is an interesting case of ‘stop asking so many questions.’ During the prologue of The Phantom Pain, she sustains serious injuries after being lit on fire. Because of this she can now only breathe and drink through her skin... Wait no, that can’t be right? Nope, that is correct. After being terribly burnt, she was infected with a parasite that would aid her healing, and also create these side effects that are completely idiosyncratic. The more you look into her, the more it just seems like Kojima was trying to do everything in his power to get her clothes off, the dirty dog.
The Patriots
The entire timeline of The Patriots, as well as who they were at what particular time, and whether they were who they said they were, or whether they were called what they said they were called when they were who we thought they were when we thought they were that … is a constant debate online. The true answer is, we don’t have one. But let me try and explain the problem. In MGS2, Solidus Snake (our villain) is trying to get the names of the Patriots (the society of high government who truly run the world). It is discovered though, that the patriots have been dead for over 100 years. This directly conflicts with the deaths of the original Wisemen's Committee dying in the 30’s, and the actual formation of the group officially known as The Patriots in the 70’s. The Philosophers and The Patriots are known well and truly as separate entities, yet the writing in some moments of the series suggests that not everybody on the scripting team has remembered this... OR, there are some details we don’t know. Either way, try to explain the ending of MGS2 to me with absolute clarity and I’ll buy you a beer.
