Top 10 Glee Moments That We Hate Watch
#10: “Poker Face” “Theatricality”
This duet between Lea Michele and “Wicked” star Idina Menzel has gotten a lot of criticism over the years, and it’s completely earned. The duo sounds amazing on the track, but context is everything. Lady Gaga’s bisexuality anthem is probably not the most emotionally appropriate song for a reunited mother and daughter. In this number, Rachel Berry is just a little girl happy to be performing with her mother for the first – and possibly last – time. In a way, it’s very sweet. Then lyrics like “bluffin’ with my muffin” come into the equation and feel distinctively out of place.
#9: “Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me” “The Rocky Horror Glee Show”
Leave it to “Glee” to make a musical that’s already the calling card of outcasts everywhere and make it even weirder. It skirted around the musical’s ideas and didn’t really make anyone happy except die-hard “Gleeks.” But the episode’s most hate-watchable number is between Will Schuester and his inexperienced fianceé, Emma. Singing the show’s big virginity number to a near-shirtless Will, who leaves his tie on, Emma’s uncomfortable seduction is made all the more uncomfortable with two underage cheerleaders watching them. At the end of the song, Emma writhes on top of a desk, and we’re treated to several shots of Will and several of their students leaning over her. The implications are uncomfortable.
#8: “Toxic” “Britney/Brittany”
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The McKinley High Glee Club’s take on “Toxic” by Britney Spears is really fun and it sounds great. It’s just that musical numbers have a habit of getting more embarrassing when Mr. Schue gets involved. If it’s not for the implicit age gap between teacher and student, there always seems to be an erotic undercurrent to the song choice or the way he performs alongside them. His sheer button-down and ribbed tank underneath are enough to make any school board wonder why this man is still employed. Again, they sound great. It’s a high-energy number. Big picture, though, it doesn’t look good, Mr. Schue. You can’t be causing Britney Spears sex riots at school.
#7: “Forget You” “The Substitute”
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She’s not like a regular substitute teacher, she’s a cool substitute teacher. With her squeaky-clean rendition of CeeLo Green’s “Forget You,” Holly Holliday was the breath of fresh air the show needed in its second season. Is it good? Well, that’s more complicated. If ever a “Glee” performance toed the line between ironically good and actually good, it’s this one. We get some sass, some falsetto, some self-described “cool mom” dance moves. All in all, once you stop cringing, it’s a pretty good time. Also, where is our hard-hitting drama about Gwyneth Paltrow teaching troubled high schoolers how to do the robot?
#6: “Run Joey Run” “Bad Reputation”
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Rachel Berry’s full music video for this campy teenage tragedy song was one of the show’s biggest swings. “Glee” was always at its best when it committed to being messy and fun, and “Run Joey Run” is a perfect example. Rachel not only used the song as a showcase for her immense ego, but she also decided to triple-cast the role of her character’s boyfriend, alienating her actual boyfriend in the process. The melodramatic staging, earnest, direct-to-camera lipsyncing, and Powerpoint-esque transitions are enough to recommend it. Rachel’s complete obliviousness puts it over the top. This is a performance that’s just begging to be hate-watched over and over.
#5: “Thong Song” “Mash-Up”
In this episode, Will Schuester is asked to create a mash-up of “I Could Have Danced All Night” from “My Fair Lady” and Sisqo’s “Thong Song.” If it didn’t sound like exactly the type of thing Will would do, it might strike us as odd. The collar-popping and the dancing are painful enough, but the vigorous pointing at Emma’s groin at the climax of the song makes us want to take a shower before we press play again. The fact that Emma is feeling it so deeply proves that she’s definitely the only person for him. No one else could withstand the torture unironically.
#4: “(You’re) Having My Baby” “Ballad”
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You know how sometimes you have to watch something again to make sure it was real? This is one of those times. In the pantheon of bad ideas for musical numbers, Finn probably picked the worst way to tell his girlfriend’s parents she was pregnant. Knowing they had some retrograde ideas about their daughter’s chastity, using this Paul Anka song to announce her teen pregnancy to them was not just dumb, it was kind of cruel. Then again, so is making your boyfriend believe he’s the father of your baby when you know he’s not. Not a lot of great decision-making here. The song is the worst choice, though. It’s made several “worst song ever” lists since its release. “Glee” didn’t improve its reputation.
#3: “Gold Digger” “Showmance”
Anytime Will Schuester raps, it’s somehow off. The thing is, he’s not bad. He’s a good performer, he’s got charisma, and he can dance. It’s just off. The mannerisms don’t seem to fit him, even if they’re carried off with confidence. Amber Riley’s incredible vocals and the energy of the whole number make it eminently watchable. Even if you have reservations, it’s an earworm. You could say a lot about the inappropriate subject matter for a high school glee club, but that’s like getting mad at “The Sopranos” for carrying guns at this point.
#2: “Let’s Have a Kiki” / “Turkey Lurkey Time” “Thanksgiving”
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Styles and taste levels clash hard in our number two choice. If the sudden appearance of Sarah Jessica Parker isn’t disorienting enough, the mash-up of the Scissor Sisters club hit and a semi-obscure show tune from the late 60s should do the trick. It’s the kind of janky and slightly unseemly mix of new and old music that “Glee” loved to do. The ensuing Thanksgiving night dance party in Rachel and Kurt’s impossibly spacious New York apartment is bonkers in the best and worst ways. SJP is clearly game and down to make a complete and utter fool of herself. As it should be. Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions. “Endless Love,” “Ballad” Rachel & Mr. Schue’s Most Uncomfortable Duet Twerking Masterclass, “The End of Twerk” “Glee” Always Taught Us the Most Important Life Lessons Tina & the VapoRub, “Diva” A Moment of Silence for All the Times This Show Had No Idea What to Do with Tina “The Fox,” “Puppet Master” One Thing You Can Say About This Show: It Was Certainly of Its Time “Gangnam Style,” “Thanksgiving” Another Moment of Silence for All the Times This Show Had No Idea What to Do with Tina
#1: “I Still Believe” / “Super Bass” “Feud”
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Move aside, Blaine. It’s Sue Sylvester’s turn to embarrass us. In a full pink giraffe print look, Jane Lynch threw her wig into the ring with a fully choreographed, appropriately stiff cover of Nicki Minaj’s “Super Bass.” Who thought this was a good idea? Why did no one in the writer’s room say, “Hey, let’s not?” And why have we watched it two hundred times? It’s absolutely magnetic. The way Jane Lynch calmly stands and takes center stage and just folds her arms while she raps? The glow-in-the-dark lipstick and falling feather fantasy? Reclaiming the stage on her scooter? The close-ups where she looks like she’s in pain? It’s 100%, uncanny valley, unadulterated TV gold. Did your favorite least favorite moment make the list? Let us know in the comments.
