Top 10 Infomercial Products For Problems That Don't Exist

This battery-powered facial mask was invented in the late 90s by someone who - we can only assume - was a huge Jason Voorhees fan. So, what does this thing do once you put in the 9-volt battery and turn it on? Well, it does for your face what “doing 8 situps a second would do for your stomach.” We guess not enough people wanted a facial six-pack, because this product is hard to find these days. Of course, that may also have to do with the fact that the product was never FDA-approved. No “face-ups” for us please.

It’s probably appropriate that the woman demonstrating this ridiculous fork on “The Today Show” prefaced the demonstration by declaring this item was good for children and “lazy eaters”. Because if manually twirling the fork in your spaghetti noodles is that big a problem for you then there might be larger issues that you need to deal with beyond getting a self-twirling utensil. And really, watching the brief demonstration… it doesn’t actually look like it even works that well all the time anyway. Honestly this thing seems like it would be more fun used on other foods—grabbing bites as it spun by our mouths.

Is peeling a hard boiled egg really that big a problem? Just crack it a little and peel. Or you could break out this two piece plastic thing called the Eggstractor, crack the egg a little then push down on the accordion part (usually more than once—if the Amazon reviews are to be believed) until a mostly peeled egg pops out the bottom. Now peel off the lingering shell and clean everything up. The infomercial hypes up the Eggstractor as being able to peel a hard boiled egg 10 times faster than doing it by hand. But that process doesn’t sound 10 times faster to us!

A blanket that can improve marriages? Sign us up. What does it do? Does it help pay the bills? Does it clean up after you, so that your partner doesn’t have to? Does it provide some sort of physical intimacy that you feel is lacking? NOPE! It absorbs farts. Yep, you heard that right. If the only thing keeping you and your partner from having a better marriage is less flatulent odors in bed, then good for you. Because for most people, relationship problems are not something a blanket can solve.

The idea behind this product is that it makes it easier to um, clean up, after going to the bathroom. The Comfort Wipe is an extension arm that can grip toilet paper on one end. A button on the handle releases the TP when you’re done. Because - we guess the theory goes - sometimes you just need 15 more inches? Now, we had read that the company behind the product discontinued it before ever taking it to market back in 2009. However, today the product is out there being sold - although the marketing has changed and is focused on appealing to those with limited mobility. So, maybe they found an actual problem it solves?

On the Tiddy Bear website, in big bold letters, is the question: “Does the shoulder strap of your car seatbelt cause discomfort on your shoulder?”.... Ummmmm, no. “Is your shoulder strap too tight and irritating?” ... Ummm, also no. We’re not saying a cute little teddy bear attached to our seatbelt and resting on our chest doesn’t sound adorable. And we guess it could make wearing a seatbelt - as they claim - “more fun”. But is it really going to, “make driving more comfortable”? We can think of better uses for our $9.95 plus shipping and handling. Also, is it just us or is the name of the ‘Tiddy Bear’ a little creepily-suggestive of where the bear sits on a woman’s body?

You know the old adage, “if it’s good enough for a bear, it’s good enough for us”. Yeah, we don’t know that one either! We don’t swat fish out of the water, we don’t hibernate for the winter and we have many other options when it comes to scratching our backs that don’t include anchoring a large log to our wall. We totally get not being able to reach an itch and needing to ask our partner or grab a back scratcher. We’ve also found ourselves, on rare occasions, desperately rubbing against the corner of a wall to hit the spot. But going full “bear” seems like taking a step too far.

As any parent will tell you, getting kids to eat their food isn’t always easy - and anything that can make dinner time more “fun” is an invention worth checking out. But why on earth would anyone put all their make-food-fun energy into hot dogs? Come on, really? Hot dogs are already the “FUN” part of a meal. Do we really need to slice them so that they look like a Gumby-esque tube of meat? Maybe if it was Happy Broccoli Man or Happy Brussel Sprouts Man then we’d have something to talk about.

Whether you’ve just taken up the sport, or been golfing for years - we can all use some help with our putting. Any spare moment you find ourselves standing around is the perfect opportunity to get in a few practice puts. But notice the key word there… “standing”. Of all the times and places to tap a few puts, sitting on the toilet isn’t one of them. We aren’t kidding either. The OG infomercial for this product really does claim that all this potty practice will shave strokes off your game. Although we do wanna give some props to whoever came up with the tagline in one ad we saw: “get a hole in one, while doing number two.” That’s gold!

“Bibs aren’t just for babies” says the tagline on the Slobstopper. You know what…. Yes they are! The slobstopper is a waterproof, double-layered bib for grownups. But not just a little bib. More like a long smock aimed at commuters who - if the commercial is right - can’t seem to drink a coffee in the car without spilling the entire thing all over themselves. These accidents lead to looks of disgust from passers by … looks that transform into flirty smiles when the same commuter spills his coffee all over his man bib. Instead of getting a Slobstopper - just stop being a slob!

What is your favorite wonderfully useless infomercial product? Let us know in the comments.