Top 10 Kids' Movies That Don't Hold Up

You know, that wasn’t quite as amazing as we remember it. Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and today we’re counting down our picks for the top 10 kids’ movies that don’t hold up.

For this list, we’re taking a look at movies we all liked as kids, but are probably better left forgotten now that we’re older.

Here’s a genius idea: We rip-off “Home Alone,” only instead of an eight-year-old outwitting a couple of bumbling thugs, we have a baby outwit three even stupider thugs. Well okay, maybe that could be tolerable as a five minute cartoon…wait; you want to stretch this out into a full-length live-action movie?! Are you insane? Apparently producer John Hughes and company were off their rockers, thinking that anybody over the age of one would be amused watching an infant narrowly escape certain death as the bad guys endure recycled slapstick for 99 minutes.

“Angels in the Outfield” is like “Field of Dreams” if completely inept people made it. The film stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a boy who prays to God for the California Angels to win the pennant. Although it goes against lord knows how many of his own Ten Commandments, God sends several of his freakiest looking angels down from heaven to help the baseball team cheat. It’s misguided, it’s corny, it tries way too hard to be inspirational, but at least the film wasn’t bad enough to derail Gordon-Levitt’s career.

It’s no secret that we’re huge Robin Williams fans at WatchMojo. That being said, his comedic genius was wasted on some of the dumbest movies of our childhood, the worst being “Flubber.” Williams plays an absent-minded professor who invents a piece of stretchy, green slimy matter. He uses this CGI abomination to rig basketball games, frighten little boys, and neglect his fiancée. Um…and this guy is supposed to be our lovable hero? In all fairness, though, “Flubber” at least gave us Weebo, the sexbot equivalent to Siri.

Whenever the title character of a movie is an orangutan, it’s unlikely that anybody involved with the project will put in any effort whatsoever. That’s okay, though, because showing an ape run amok in a hotel is all you need to sell a movie, right? Maybe if the audience is under five, but for everyone else you need to try a lot harder. Throw in actors that look embarrassed to be there, lame slapstick, and a clichéd burglary plot, and you’ve got yourself a genuine pile of monkey feces.

What’s worse than a comedy about an orangutan? How about a sports comedy about a chimpanzee that leads a struggling hockey team to victory? A premise like that is so idiotic that it couldn’t possibly exist. But “MVP: Most Valuable Primate” is all too real and the film is every bit as painful as its cringe-inducing title, not to mention boring. The fact that the movie actually tries to work in subtle, sentimental moments involving a dying old man and little deaf girl only makes the experience more asinine.

Movies about cute animals inexplicably playing sports was truly one of the unfortunate trends of the ‘90s. It shouldn’t be a surprise that the same producers behind “MVP” made “Air Bud” and it’s equally awful. Seeing a golden retriever in a basketball uniform might be enough to make toddlers giggle. But “Air Bud” makes no further attempt to be funny, smart, or original for anyone else. If that’s not enough to piss you off, the film inspired over a dozen straight-to-video sequels and spinoffs, none of which holds up either.

To give it credit, this family film at least had an imaginative setup and a talented director to bring it to life. While it might be creative, “Spy Kids” isn’t quite as whimsical or thrilling as you might remember. The movie is weird without ever being very funny, creepy without ever being very charming, and just an all-around disturbing acid trip. Also, was there a kid who saw this movie who wasn’t scarred for life by the Fooglies?

Watching “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie” as an adult is a bit like digging up an old drawing from second grade. At the time you thought it was an epic masterpiece. Looking back on it, however, you realize it was actually sloppy, rushed, and embarrassing. Of course your nine-year-old self likely put more effort into that drawing than the filmmakers put into this flick. With bland characters and lazy effects, “Power Rangers: The Movie” is a cheap exercise to appeal to the lowest common denominator at every turn.

The “Super Mario Bros.” movie has about as much to do with the Nintendo game on which it was based as the “E.T.” Atari game had to do with the movie on which it was based. In 1993, the Mario Brothers were so big that the filmmakers figured they didn’t have to cast Italian actors or make King Koopa look anything like a Koopa. Kids would just accept whatever they threw together. Some of us might’ve been suckered in then, but now we all know that our princess definitely isn’t in this castle.

Before we try to forget our top pick, here are a few dishonorable mentions:
- “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” (2008)
- “North” (1994)
- “George of the Jungle” (1997)
- “Looney Tunes: Back in Action” (2003)

In the ‘90s, every kid dreamed of being super wealthy, having a McDonald’s in their house, and being Macaulay Culkin. In that sense, “Richie Rich” is like every child’s dream come to life. It’s also every adult’s worst nightmare come to life. Manipulative and stereotypical, “Richie Rich” is virtually devoid of any genuine humor, wit, or inventiveness. Like the rest of the films on this list, the only way to enjoy watching it is either through the eyes of a naïve kid or with the use of nostalgia goggles.

Do you agree with our list? What childhood movies would you like to erase from your memory? For more entertaining Top 10s published every day, be sure to subscribe to WatchMojo.com.