Top 10 Reasons Dolittle Is the WORST
#10: This Is How You Follow-Up Iron Man?
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Although we were all saddened by Tony Stark’s fate in “Avengers: Endgame,” we were also interested to see what Robert Downey Jr. would do with his post-MCU tenure. Perhaps he’d take on an Oscar-caliber biopic like “Chaplin,” a gritty thriller like “Zodiac,” or an ambitious comedy like “Tropic Thunder.” Instead, Downey decided to do a movie where he argues with a duck about a piece of celery. For those who assume that Downey was merely under contract or lost a bet, think again. “Dolittle” was a passion project that Downey apparently wanted to make for a long time. It’s hard to say if the final product matched what Downey originally envisioned, but what we got was a complete waste of his time and talent.
#9: The Plot, or Lack Thereof
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The film follows Dolittle and his companions on a voyage to find a rare fruit that can cure a dying Queen Victoria. The plot is rather run-of-the-mill, but maybe this could’ve been a fun adventure if the characters and settings were more engaging. Yet, much of the run time is dedicated to animals telling bad jokes on a ship. What’s more, the script has a dozen subplots that go nowhere. There’s a rivalry between a polar bear and an ostrich, but that’s hastily resolved. A squirrel voiced by Craig Robinson wants to get revenge on the boy who accidentally shot him, but his character arc amounts to nothing. The screenwriters could’ve used a map because they clearly had no clue where to take this story.
#8: Universal Starts the Decade on Rocky Waters
In 1967, the original “Doctor Dolittle” bombed so hard at the box office that it almost bankrupted 20th Century Fox. So, why did Universal think a $175 million “Dolittle” reboot would be a wise investment? Granted, the Eddie Murphy comedies performed reasonably well back in the day, but the demand for more “Dolittle” hasn’t exactly been through the roof since then. The lack of interest was reflected at the box office where the film opened with around $29 million domestically over the extended MLK weekend. Universal’s first major release of the decade is the latest flop in a long line of financial disappointments for the studio. As if “Cats” wasn’t embarrassing enough to ruin Universal’s reputation. At least “1917” is bringing in audiences and accolades.
#7: It’s Boring
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Although the film is called “Dolittle,” a good portion of the runtime centers on the doctor’s human apprentice Tommy, played by Harry Collett. Unfortunately, the character is blander than mayo on white bread. But hey, surely the film will pick up whenever those wacky animals are back onscreen, right? No, they’re also boring… and obnoxious. Even Dolittle, who possesses the extraordinary ability to communicate with animals, isn’t especially interesting. Parents are inclined to check their watches every several minutes and even kids will likely grow weary of the film’s tiresome hijinks. Some people may be intrigued to see just how bad “Dolittle” is, but the film’s so dull that it doesn’t even qualify as “so bad, it’s good” entertainment.
#6: The Lame Voice Acting
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This is one of those talking animal movies where you’re constantly thinking to yourself, “Hey, I recognize that celebrity’s voice! How distracting!” Some of the actors, namely Emma Thompson, try to bring a little class to their performances. For the most part, though, the voice cast sounds like they’re going through the motions, hungry for their paychecks. Some of the actors also feel miscast in their roles, such as Rami Malek as a gorilla. Sure, Ralph Fiennes seems well-suited to voice a villainous tiger named Barry. Alas, the filmmakers couldn’t resist making a kick to the crotch joke, reducing Fiennes to saying, “Ow, my Barry berries!” We’re not sure how much they paid Fiennes to utter that humiliating line, but it wasn’t nearly enough.
#5: The Wrong Director
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When we hear the title “Dolittle,” we imagine something corny, upbeat, and whimsical. So naturally, the studio entrusted the project to Stephen Gaghan, who penned the screenplays for “Syriana” and “Traffic.” Granted, it’s not impossible for a director who specializes in gritty realism to broaden his horizons with something family-friendly. Martin Scorsese made “Hugo,” after all. Gaghan, however, seems out of his element in a slapstick fantasy adventure about wisecracking animals. To be fair, Gaghan reportedly wanted to give “Dolittle” a more serious tone, but the studio pushed to make the film “sillier.” Nevertheless, if this movie wanted to play to Gaghan’s strengths, it should’ve been a crime drama where Dolittle goes undercover as a literal drug mule. Honestly, we’d totally pay to see that!
#4: The Subpar Animal Effects
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On occasion, the animal effects in “Dolittle” actually look pretty solid. Maybe not “Jungle Book” or “Life of Pi” territory, but you can see where that sizable budget went. For every impressive CGI effect, though, there’s an animal that looks like it belongs in a completely different movie. Jason Mantzoukas, for example, voices a dragonfly with humanoid eyes. A design like this would probably work in an animated movie like “A Bug’s Life,” but it feels out of place in a live-action environment where most of the animals have more realistic features. The film can never decide if it wants the animal effects to be cartoony or true-to-life. As a result, we rarely believe that the human actors are interacting with these critters.
#3: The Jokes Fall Flat
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Eddie Murphy’s “Dolittle” movies weren’t what you’d call high-class comedy, but at least the humor matched the setting, time period, and talent involved. With this version, it feels like the filmmakers wanted to produce something closer to Hugh Lofting’s books, but then decided to inject modern slang and pop culture references akin to the Murphy movies. Thus, we got a tonally confused film where characters use words like “bro,” even though this all takes place in the 19th century. It’d be one thing if the film was funny, but the jokes range from lazy to inept. Tom Holland voices a dog who works in A LOT of butt-related gags. And we’re not kidding, there’s an octopus who says, “snitches get stitches.” Who was this for?
#2: Robert Downey Jr.’s Bizarre Performance
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Okay, let’s address the elephant in the room… no, not an actual elephant, we mean Robert Downey Jr.’s performance. We all know that Downey is an extraordinary actor with great range, but we have no idea what he was going for here. Everything about Downey’s Dolittle seems off, from his body language, to his line delivery, to his Welsh accent. At least it’s supposed to be a Welsh accent, but Downey sounds more like Scrooge McDuck if he was reincarnated as Jack Sparrow. Come to think of it, this whole movie comes off as one big “Pirates of the Caribbean” wannabe. Where Captain Jack kept us coming back, though, we’re not eager to see Downey reprise his role in “Dolittle 2: Eclectic Boogaloo.”
#1: The Baffling Dragon Scene
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There’s a reason why this film is so disjointed. Since early test screeners reportedly didn’t go well, the studio hired Jonathan Liebesman – the guy who directed that braindead “Ninja Turtles” movie – to helm reshoots. With Chris McKay also tweaking the script, more kid-oriented comedy was added. This desperate attempt to be more “lighthearted” shines through in the finished film, although the worst addition was saved for the climax. To ease a dragon’s pain, Dolittle puts his proctology studies to good use and yanks a set of bagpipes, amongst other items, out of its rear-end. Fart jokes inevitably ensue. This resolution sums up everything wrong with contemporary Hollywood. Not only was it condescending to the audience’s intelligence and degrading to the actors, but it was studio-mandated!