Top 10 Seinfeld Exes Who Got the Last Laugh
#10: Noel
“The Pez Dispenser” Since almost every woman is out of his league, George Costanza has rarely held the upper hand in a relationship. Sensing that Noel is going to dump him, George receives an inspired idea from Kramer: break up with her first and reverse the power dynamic. Suddenly, Noel becomes desperate to hold onto George, much to his delight. To Noel’s credit, she’s not in the best place, as Elaine’s laughter during her piano recital shot her confidence. When Noel realizes that Elaine was the one laughing and George knew about it, the tables are turned again. Noel delivers two highly satisfying zingers as she departs. After telling George that she’s dumping him, she notes that having “hand” in a breakup is only good for one thing.
#9: Margaret
“The Big Salad” It doesn’t take much more than a big salad to break up George and Julie. We often wonder how George picks up so many women in the first place, but this episode presents two even bigger questions. First, what did Margaret ever see in Newman? Second, why did Newman break up with Margaret? Both of these questions haunt Jerry when he starts dating Margaret. He’s unable to fathom the idea that Newman would reject any woman, especially one with seemingly no faults. Unable to kiss her without thinking about Newman, Margaret kicks Jerry to the curb in more ways than one. Hilariously, we never learn why Margaret wasn’t Newman’s type. It’s just another puzzle piece in the enigma that is his love life.
#8: Kevin
Top 10 Kevin Conroy Batman Moments
“The Bizarro Jerry” “I just want to be friends” is a nice way to soften the blow during a breakup, although in reality, not everyone is interested in being friends with an ex. To Elaine’s surprise, Kevin is enthusiastic about the idea. While this mirrors Elaine’s relationship with Jerry, Kevin is otherwise the complete opposite of him. In Superman terms, he’s the “Bizarro Jerry.” At first, Elaine enjoys having a version of Jerry who’s thoughtful and sensitive. The problem is that Elaine isn’t either of those two things. Where Elaine’s poor manners are accepted in Jerry’s apartment, they get her kicked out of Kevin’s. Don’t worry, Kevin has a Bizarro George and a Bizarro Kramer to keep him company. We’re sure there’s a Bizarro Elaine out there too.
#7: Scam Woman
“The Subway” Okay, so she’s not exactly an ‘ex’ per se, but this one’s too good to exclude from our list. On his way to a job interview, George gets sidetracked when he seemingly hits it off with a fellow subway passenger. As the mysterious woman takes George to a hotel, strips down, and handcuffs him to the bed, it appears too good to be true. That’s because it is, which is often the case with George. The woman turns out to be a scam artist, although George only has a few bucks in his pocket. She still comes out on top, stealing George’s expensive suit, and leaving him with nothing but a pair of drawers, shoes, and those handcuffs. We’re not sure if this is the single most humiliating thing that’s happened to George, but the incident definitely sticks with him.
#6: Dolores
“The Junior Mint” When a relationship is still in its infancy, it’s only natural to ask questions. However, there’s only a brief window where you can ask, “What’s your name,” without things getting awkward. Jerry misses the window, but he learns that the woman he’s dating has a name that rhymes with a female sex organ. Jerry strikes out when he guesses Mulva, resulting in his now-ex-girlfriend storming off. It isn’t until after she leaves that Jerry realizes her name is Dolores. Originally, the name was Cloris in the script, but when an audience member guessed Dolores at the taping, the crew decided to go with that instead. Jerry and Dolores reconcile years later, giving her the chance to dump him all over again.
#5: Gillian
“The Bizarro Jerry” Gillian is the whole package except for one perceived flaw. She possesses “man-hands,” as Jerry describes them. Although some could easily overlook this, Jerry can’t take his eyes off her meat hooks as she screws off a bottle cap and rips into a lobster. For the record, a male crew member’s hands were used for these close-ups. Shortly after ending the relationship, Jerry gets caught going through Gillian’s purse. Jerry thought Gillain squeezed his hand tight when they first met, but that was only a preview of her strength. Although things don’t work out between Jerry and Gillian, writer David Mandel loosely based the storyline on his relationship with his future wife, Dr. Rebecca Whitney. According to Whitney, though, she has “farm-hands and not man-hands.”
#4: Leslie
Top 10 Hilarious Leslie Jones Moments on SNL
“The Puffy Shirt” Gillian will likely never be a hand model, but it turns out that George has a perfect pair of mitts. Unfortunately, George gets caught between Jerry, Kramer, and the latter’s low-talking girlfriend, Leslie. Due to Leslie’s quiet voice, Jerry winds up on “The Today Show” wearing one of her puffy pirate shirts. When Jerry condemns the shirt on live television, Leslie finally makes her voice heard. Actions speak louder than words, however, and when George insults the shirt as well, Leslie leaves both of his hands in bandages. While she’s at it, Leslie dumps Kramer too. Although Leslie’s career is ruined, she gets the last word when the gang goes on trial. Well, kind of. Not even the court stenographer can understand her low-talking.
#3: David Puddy
Top 10 Most Hilarious Larry David Moments on Curb Your Enthusiasm
Various Aside from Jerry, David Puddy is the most prominent character that Elaine has dated. Throughout their on-again, off-again relationship, Puddy usually finds a way to get the last laugh. He gives up face painting for Elaine, but she said nothing about painting his chest. Following Elaine’s attempts to get rid of his fur coat, Puddy breaks out an even more embarrassing jacket. We especially love one episode where Elaine dumps Puddy for her apparent dream guy, only for her to realize that the attraction stems from a commercial. When Elaine goes crawling back to Puddy, he relishes leaving her high and dry. Before the gang goes to prison in the finale, Puddy demonstrates just how much he cares about the relationship with one word: “alright.”
#2: Susan Ross
Various Two of George’s exes get the last laugh when they wind up in a relationship. Allison and Susan date for a period, but the latter eventually gets back together with George. Almost immediately after proposing, George keeps trying to weasel out of his impending nuptials to no avail. George’s cheapness ultimately gets him off the hook, as Susan dies licking the toxic envelopes for the wedding invitations that he insisted on purchasing. Although it sounds like George got the last laugh, Susan gets revenge from beyond the grave. George is stuck running the Susan Ross Foundation, realizing that he would’ve been set for life if he had made it to the altar. In another ironic twist, George later slips on an invitation, ruining his summer. Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
Jane, “The Stall”
Top 10 Jane the Virgin Moments
Jerry & Kramer Will Never Forget That Voice
Audrey, “The Nose Job”
Dumping George, She Follows Her Heart & Nose to Kramer
Marla, “The Contest”
Upgrading From Jerry, She Loses Her Virginity to John F. Kennedy Jr.
Mary Cantardi, “The Baby Shower”
Top 10 Times The Mary Tyler Moore Show Tackled Serious Issues
Quite Possibly the Show’s Most Epic Takedown
Ben Gelfen, “The Abstinence”
Top 10 Funniest Seinfeld Bloopers
We Guess Elaine Will Never Get to Date a Doctor, But Maybe a Lawyer
#1: Sidra Holland
“The Implant” Sidra is among Jerry’s most memorable exes for a couple of reasons. After Elaine has a close encounter with her in the sauna, she isn’t sure whether Sidra has had breast implants or not. It appears Jerry may find out for himself until Sidra encounters Elaine at his apartment. Sometimes, it’s funnier when a mystery is left unsolved, but in this case, the answer provides the perfect punchline. In the script, actress Teri Hatcher was only supposed to say the first part of the line. At the eleventh hour, though, Larry David added the final three words that propelled this line into legendary status. Sidra’s parting words to Jerry even resurface in the finale, once again getting the last laugh.
