Top 10 Smartest Horror Movie Victims
#10: Sidney Prescott
“Scream” franchise (1996-) Most horror heroines don’t survive a single go-round with a hunting knife, but this perennial victim has outsmarted masked killers on five separate occasions. In horror movie years, she’s practically ancient, but that hasn’t slowed her wit at all. From her first chilling call with Ghostface, Sidney makes it clear she’s smarter than your average final girl, and that wit only grows with each encounter. Five films in, she’s not only a pro at surviving the bloodshed, but she’s picked up a few self-defense moves, too. In all of horror, it’s hard to find anyone with as lengthy - or impressive - a track record as Sidney.
#9: R.J. MacReady
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“The Thing” (1982) If it weren’t for this sensible helicopter pilot, this classic horror film may have been a lot shorter. To be fair, we can’t blame the scientists for freaking out at the realization they’re trapped in an Antarctic bunker with a mimicking, bloodthirsty monster, but that’s what makes MacReady’s take-charge attitude all the more impressive. He may have forced their hand, but it’s undeniable this pilot effectively defused the rising paranoia. Despite being surrounded by intelligent scientists, it’s MacReady who devises the plan to flush the monster out in one of the film’s most iconic sequences. It’s that clever thinking, alongside the willingness to torch anyone or thing that’s been assimilated, that rank him much brighter than his contemporaries.
#8: Ben
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“Night of the Living Dead” (1968) You’d be forgiven for thinking Barbra was the main character of this classic zombie flick, but when the bodies start rising, it’s Ben who steps up to the mantle of horror icon. When the leading lady goes catatonic with fear, it’s this rifle-wielding heroic figure who takes it upon himself to get everyone through the night alive. You’ll find him boarding up windows and killing any ghouls with no remorse. For all the chaos unfolding around him, Ben keeps a level head, managing to be the only one still alive come morning. In fact, for all intents and purposes, he does survive the apocalypse - at least the zombie part.
#7: Lee Abbott
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“A Quiet Place” franchise (2018-) Fatherhood is tough enough without sound-sensitive monsters, but by the time we find the Abbotts about to welcome their next child, Lee has them in a well-oiled operation. Sure, his wife Evelyn deserves plenty of credit, too, but Lee showed from the very beginning of the apocalypse that he’s capable of surviving any situation. Despite all odds, he and his family have managed to thrive - relatively speaking - by following simple rules: only talk in sign language; only walk on muffled paths; and when in doubt, head to the bunker. With how effectively he’s adapted his family to life in the apocalypse, we think he’s more than earned Father of the Year.
#6: Lawrence Gordon
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“Saw” franchise (2004-) As decades of horror victims will show you, outsmarting a psycho killer is no easy task, but even more so for this resourceful doctor. Chained in an dilapidated bathroom with his captor not far off, everything Gordon does has to appear innocuous to Jigsaw’s ever-present eyes. The mental gymnastics show off Gordon’s cleverness, but he’s also capable of making the hard choices in the name of his survival. His will to live leads to one of the most brutal scenes in the genre - smart in a vacuum, but easier said than done. For sheer willpower and ingenuity, Gordon more than earns his victory over Jigsaw, even though he doesn’t stay a victim for long.
#5: Laurie Strode
“Halloween” franchise (1978-) Though in other continuities she’s had slightly less luck, the recent “Halloween” films have turned this former damsel in distress into a master survivalist. Laurie understands the first rule of horror: there’s always a sequel as the killer always comes back. But, in a refreshing change of pace, Laurie hasn’t been sitting on her hands since the first installment. At the cost of her relationship with her family, Laurie has spent all this time devising a plan to kill her Boogeyman once and for all. It’s satisfying to see a seasoned veteran so prepared for another murder spree, and were it not for Michael’s inexplicable immortality, we’re confident she could take him down once and for all.
#4: Chris Washington
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“Get Out” (2017) Meeting the in-laws is scary even when they aren’t this psychotic. For the bulk of the film, Chris doesn’t really feel like a horror movie character at all. You won’t see him exploring strange noises or behaving recklessly. He acts, well, like a normal person. When the creep factor cranks up, he insists on, well, getting out. Of course, it doesn’t initially work, but it is a noble effort nonetheless. Even when all hope seems to be lost, he keeps his wits about him, and manages to weasel out of everything thrown his way. For an average guy thrown into a less-than-average situation, he does much better than anyone could dream.
#3: Michelle
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“10 Cloverfield Lane” (2016) Few horror characters have to eat dinner with their captors, and fewer live to tell the tale. Not that Michelle has much of a choice; trapped in a locked bunker, she must find a way out while maintaining appearances as a grateful houseguest in the ostensible apocalypse. The mental mind games never stop, but this heroine manages to navigate her predicament with wit and finesse. From using Howard’s temper against him, to sharpening her crutch into a shiv, it’s clear he chose the wrong girl to save. Michelle goes down as one of the most resourceful characters in the genre; who else can say they made a hazmat suit out of a shower curtain?
#2: Erin
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“You’re Next” (2011) Don’t let her looks fool you: Erin is anything but your average final girl. She was raised on a survivalist compound, and boy does it show. She is how we all wish we’d react in horror films, calmly taking charge amidst the bloody mayhem. There’s nary a moment of hesitation after the first body drops, and from then on, Erin is setting traps, outmaneuvering multiple killers, and slapping sense into her boyfriend’s family. We almost pity the killers who go after her - at a certain point, it practically feels like she’s hunting them. Take notes, everyone: this is how you survive a slasher film.
#1: Ellen Ripley
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“Alien” franchise (1979-) This legendary movie icon didn’t earn her legacy for nothing. Brilliant, determined, and never losing sight of the bigger picture, Ripley single-handedly proves that horror characters don’t have to play dumb. In classic horror fashion, she’s had her own share of sequels, and she’s flexed her wit and survival skills in each. Can’t kill the monster? Shoot it into space. Locked in a cell? Trigger the fire alarm. In a fight against aliens far exceeding anything humans are capable of dealing with, Ripley’s smarts consistently save the day, and prove why she’s the standard all future horror protagonists have to live up to.
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