Top 10 Tips To Survive A Horror Movie

We’ve heard the expression “any port in a storm,” but seriously, why are you trying to run up the stairs? For starters, considering you’ll likely be in a hurry and in full panic mode, the odds of you falling or slipping are extremely high. Secondly, in most houses at least, the front door is located extremely close to the stairs – so unless it’s being blocked, just leave the house! Why would you want to trap yourself on the second floor where you’d probably have to jump out a window to escape? Don’t do it.

This is particularly important if you find yourself in a found footage film. Sure, someone may find your footage years from now and you’ll be famous and known as the person who recorded the killer or disaster. You’ll also probably be dead. Come to think of it, have you ever seen a found footage flick where the person behind the camera gets out alive? We didn’t think so. You want to survive? Put the camera down! Why are you trying to film something that’s chasing you? Take a mental picture and get the heck out of there.

This may seem obvious, but it’s amazing how many people don’t call the police when some crazy stuff starts to happen. Sure, in the majority of horror films the police are bumbling idiots, but their job is to protect you... let them at least try! If you see someone wearing another person’s skin as a mask, call the po-po! Also - spend a little extra money to get yourself a portable phone charger. You do NOT wanna die because you spent all day on Snapchat and have no battery left.

In a rush, we understand that you may only be focused on escaping, especially when you get in your car. But we suggest taking an extra 30 seconds to check your car to make sure the killer isn’t in there, just waiting for you. The last thing you want is to be driving away only to realize that the psychopath is sitting in your backseat or hiding in your trunk. Furthermore, if you’re left with no option but to hide, keep that head on a swivel! Always assume the killer is going to be behind you.

This one may seem like common sense, but it’s amazing how many times people wander into creepy places out of simple curiosity - which killed the cat, for the record, at it might kill you too. So, don’t spend the night in a haunted house. If you somehow do find yourself in one, then don’t go into the attic or basement. While you’re at it, stay away from the dark and creepy woods where you can’t see anything too. Think, people! If you’re bored and looking for something to do, go play mini-golf. You’ll thank us when you don’t die.

Again, seems like common sense, but we’ll make it crystal clear for you - do not contact the dead. This may be tempting if you’re trying to reach out to someone you knew who recently, or not so recently, passed away, but don’t do it. It’s just plain stupid if you’re doing it for fun or messing around with the Ouija board. This never ends well in these types of films. The spirit you end up contacting is always angry about something and will likely ruin your life, or at the very least your night.

In “It Follows,” a supernatural being relentlessly follows our protagonist after she has – ahem – whoopee. Anyone that’s seen a scary movie will understand the irony here. Virgins are typically the only safe ones in the horror genre. If you’re not a virgin, be extra careful and don’t sneak away for a lustful encounter. People that go all the way onscreen are always the first to die. Heck, even taking your clothes off to have a shower or a bath can be risky; just ask Marion Crane or Nancy Thompson. The best thing you can do is keep your clothes on at all times… even when bathing.

The best part about being in a horror movie - if there is one - is that you’ll almost always be warned ahead of time. Rarely do things just happen out of the blue. It’s up to you to listen to the warning. So when the creepy old lady tells you not to go up to the house on the hill, listen to her. If you get home and find your front door open, don’t go inside. If your dog is barking like crazy, don’t assume it’s just a squirrel. Essentially, use your head! If something seems off, it probably is.

Clearly you didn’t listen to the tips on this list, or maybe you did but things just went wrong anyway. However, you’ve managed to survive and somehow incapacitate the thing that is hunting you. Now is no time for celebration, however. The worst thing you can do is assume victory. Finish what you’ve started. We won’t get too graphic here, but use whatever means necessary to ensure the thing is incapable of ever recovering, supernatural or not.

Before we unveil our number one pick, here are a few honorable mentions:
- Get Good at Sprinting
- Don’t Hide
- Stay Away from Antiques

Fred Jones may be the leader of the Scooby-Doo mystery gang, but you should never do what he always suggests - split up. For starters, never, ever go off on your own. You will get picked off, and that is not how you want to go. If you are in a group of several people, stick together! It’s much easier to take down a psychopath if you have other people helping you do it. Plus, all the other tips on this list become much easier to follow if you have multiple people there helping you.