Top 10 Songwriters Who Are Terrible Lyricists

Known by such absurd stage names as Diddy, Sean Combs’ style was once referred to by Blender magazine as “hip-hop corniness.” He’s been frequently criticized for inserting himself into Biggie Smalls’ tracks, ruining them - according to a number of independent critics. His occasional “yeahs” and “hahas” were greatly unwanted. In his own career, having a quick glance at his early work in track “Been Around the World”, he regaled us with such lines as “I’m the macaroni with the cheese.” He seemed to be more qualified as a producer than a lyricist. But with disturbing allegations coming to light in 2024, he’s effectively finished in the industry.

Nickelback

Ah, Nickelback. The Canadian rock band everyone loves to hate, but secretly enjoys in a windows-up car. This isn’t about guitar riffs and loud vocals, however. It’s about lyrics. So let’s have a look at at least one popular tune and one lesser known disaster composed by Chad Kroeger. 2005’s “Photograph” begins: “Look at this photograph, every time I do it makes me laugh, how did our eyes get so red? And what the hell is on Joey’s head?” At least there’s heart in that song, unlike trashy ballads like “Animals” and “S.E.X.” Pure nausea, Mr. Kroeger.

Perhaps the only rapper with a nautical title, Lil Yachty is often “featured” on the tracks of others, likely for good reasons. We can’t quote most of his tracks here, due to an abundance of sexual lyrics that are just plain gross. He notoriously made a mistake on the track “Peek A Boo”, in which he referred to his partner performing an act on him “like a cello,” which he thought was a woodwind instrument. The same album, “Teenage Emotions”, showed his mature side with such lines as “you stinky and dirty like farts”.

Lil Wayne has had his clever moments when it comes to lyrics, but he’s also definitely had some duds. This is likely because he hasn’t written down any lyrics in over 20 years. Sometimes, it’s better to write stuff down and reread it before performing. Here are a few lyrical failures, in our opinion. In the 2013 gem “IANAHB”, he alluded to getting intimate with a shark. Not sure how he survived that marine tryst. Another 2013 classic came in the track “Wowzers”, in which he likened certain body parts to car parts. That… doesn’t sound very romantic. There are others, of course, but they’re mostly all about Lil Wayne’s “lil wayne”. We’re good leaving it at that.

Train


The band Train was formed in 1993 and has been cranking out the weird lyrics ever since. “Drops of Jupiter” is a prime example for lines like, “Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken.” What does poultry have to do with anything? 2009’s “Hey Soul Sister” showed no improvement, with such fine examples as “your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains” and “ain’t that Mr. Mister on the radio.” For the former: yuck, did she just kiss an open head wound? For the latter: mister rhymes with sister, so it’s perfect! Mr. Mister was a 1980s rock band with a couple of corny hits, which would logically have some influence on Pat Monahan’s songwriting..

Sometimes, it’s all about the beats. Pitbull is a shining example of this. Just dance, don’t listen to the words. Pitbull’s songs favor one common theme among many of the pseudo-poets on this list: womanizing. His 2012 song “Don’t Stop the Party” is about not stopping the party. It features such gems as “Zig-a-zig-a-zig-a-zig-a-zow! Who got the keys of the world, now? Yours truly. Blaow, bla-bla-blaooow.” Can’t think of what to say? How about nonsense? Take the “Give Me Everything” line, “Picture that with a Kodak; and better yet, go to Times Square, take a picture of me with a Kodak.” Why search for a rhyme when you can just… not?

Kiss

Blender magazine placed KISS frontman Paul Stanley as the 7th worst lyricist of all time (out of 40). The thing is, KISS is more about the spectacle than it is about the poetry, right? The flashing lights and pyrotechnics distract from the poorly worded tunes. Stanley provided the lyrics for the tune “Love Gun”. It’s a delightfully creepy classic. Another gem, “Let’s Put the X in Sex” gave us this fine chorus: “Baby, let’s put the X in sex, love’s like a muscle and you make me want to flex.” There’s also something about black lace underwear, of course. KISS puts on a hell of a show; don’t expect refined wordsmithery.

Some lyricists are exclusively behind the scenes, as was the case with Bob Merrill. Despite some arguably terrible lyrics, he saw much success in the 1950s. He co-wrote 1948’s “If I Knew You Were Coming I’d’ve Baked a Cake.” It’s about a woman who would have baked a cake had she known you were coming. He also wrote “(How Much is) That Doggie in the Window?”, which traumatized people in the 1950s with its overplaying on the radio. It did introduce the now widely used adjective: waggly. Merrill also wrote for Barbra Streisand: “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” What? One more notable tune he penned is “Mambo Italiano”, an ode to Italian stereotypes.

Limp Bizkit


Fred Durst sounds like he emerged from an overcrowded frat house in the mid-1990s to front Limp Bizkit. Durst apparently named the band so because he wanted “a name that would repel listeners.” Well, the lyrics are also repellent. Get ready to ponder the existential side of life with such tunes as “Livin’ It Up”, in which he claims to be a starfish and refuses a smoke. And less abstract songs like “No Sex”, “Nookie” and “Break Stuff” won’t exactly woo the ladies. Durst isn’t exactly the classiest poet out there.

The Black Eyed Peas


The entire reason will.i.am is number one can be summed up in one song: “My Humps.” The song opens with the important question of what a lady will do with “all that junk inside [her] trunk.” There’s no sexier word than “hump”, or “lump” for that matter. They rhyme so perfectly with “dump”, which is where this song belongs. That’s just one of many cheesy party anthems will.i.am penned for The Black Eyed Peas. He has also written songs for an alarming number of other artists, such as Mariah Carey and Hilary Duff. But hey, he tried to make “lumps” sexy and not just a worrisome medical condition. That’s admirable.

Who gets your vote for worst lyricist of all time? Let us know in the comments!