Top 10 Worst Things Stewie Griffin Has Ever Done

When “Family Guy” crosses over with “The Simpsons,” Stewie and Bart hit it off, due to their mutual precocious love of mischief. However, when Stewie sees Bart being bullied by Nelson, the nefarious infant decides to abduct the older boy; subjecting him to torture, including literally making him eat his shorts. Stewie follows this up by capturing Bart’s other foes, tormenting and displaying them to his new friend. While Bart calls him out on how terrible it is, they are still able to share a laugh over some delightful wordplay.

Usually calm under pressure, even Stewie can freak out from time to time. One such instance occurs during a brief cutaway gag that sees Stewie driving a car with a couple of druggies and Mother Teresa, who has overdosed on drugs. Stewie demands they push her out of the car in front of the hospital, apparently leaving her to die there. While Saint Teresa was arguably no saint, so to speak, no one deserves to die choking on their vomit so close to a place their life could be saved.

Stewie is a largely decisive individual, but his infantile fears can rear their heads due to his naiveté in certain areas. On his first birthday, Stewie mistakenly believes that a doctor, or a man in white, will be returning him to Lois’ womb. Rather than return to “that prison,” Stewie decides to leave for another country, going to the airport. While there, a security guard gives him good advice on facing his fears, rather than running from them. As thanks, Stewie freezes the man in carbonite. While the nonlethal nature of the act is relatively merciful for him, it’s still a poor reward for someone who was nice to him.

When Stewie falls for his babysitter, Liddane, he’s furious with jealousy when he finds she has a boyfriend, Jeremy. Rather than pine away or declaring his feelings like a normal person, Stewie breaks into Jeremy’s house, beats him up with a tire iron, and then throws him in the trunk of Brian’s car. Although Stewie’s attempts at romance with Liddane once he’s out of the picture are unsuccessful, he forgets all about Jeremy and the teen is almost certainly dead after being left without food or water for several weeks.

Stewie’s rivalry with his younger half-brother Bertram spans years of real world time and began before Bertram was even born, as Stewie tried to kill him while he was still a sperm cell. Their final confrontation proves fatal, though. After stealing Stewie’s time machine, Bertram travels back to kill Stewie’s ancestor, Leonardo Da Vinci. Following a lengthy Venetian aerial chase, Bertram succeeds, though Stewie is still able to kill his brother by shooting him in the head. While Bertram nearly destroys the cosmos through his actions, Stewie could still have found another way to stop his rival than putting an arrow through his forehead.

Although he may mistreat him, as we’ll see soon, Stewie is Brian’s best friend. So when the family gets a new dog, the insensitively named New Brian, Stewie is understandably upset. Despite the affable New Brian getting along and winning over everyone else, Stewie remains loyal to his friend. When Stewie attempts to drive the new dog away, New Brian replies that he has humped Stewie’s stuffed bear, Rupert; prompting Stewie to brutally murder the dog off-screen, dragging his dismembered corpse to the garbage and leaving an unconvincing suicide note.

To pull a complete 180 from our last entry, despite valuing Brian’s friendship sometimes, Stewie is also relentlessly cruel to the family dog. One of the worst things he does personally to Brian happens after the dog makes a bet with Stewie that he loses. After he is unable to come up with the money, Stewie resorts to beating Brian severely, nearly drowning him in the toilet, shooting both his knees, and even lighting him on fire. While the violence is so absurdly graphic that it’s clearly meant for comedy, the fact that Stewie does such to a friend is pretty awful. Granted, Brian stoops pretty low to get him back.

Beating, shooting, and tormenting Brian is bad, but this is arguably worse. When Brian learns Stewie likes Miley Cyrus, he mocks him for it and refuses to help Stewie get tickets, since they’re too expensive and hard to come by. To secure Brian’s help, Stewie locates all of Brian’s siblings and traps and films them in elaborate torture and execution rooms. The fact that the diabolical toddler goes to such cruel and complicated lengths is even pointed out by Brian - and the fact that it’s his first or even second instinct is rather disturbing.

A unique episode from the 16th season sees the entire episode devoted to Stewie seeing a child psychologist. In it, Stewie is honest about many aspects of his insecurities and persona. As the session draws to a close, Dr. Pritchfield begins having a heart attack, but, instead of helping him, Stewie does nothing because he doesn’t want to risk anyone else discovering his secrets. Stewie has killed plenty of people, as we’ve already seen, but his heartless inaction here is particularly shocking. It’s also clear that even he’s unnerved by what he’s done, or rather, failed to do.


Before we get to our top pick, here are a few honorable, or rather, dishonorable, mentions:


Singing Controversial Songs
“Extra Large Medium”

Taking Steroids
“Stew-Roids”


Framing Brian When He Finds Out the Dog’s in Love with Lois
“Brian in Love”

From the very beginning of “Family Guy,” Stewie has made no effort to hide his contempt for Lois or his many attempts to murder her. He’s come close to succeeding on several occasions, and while the two-parter “Stewie Kills Lois” and “Lois Kills Stewie” offer a fun what-if scenario, the closest the matricidal boy has come to success was arguably when it was ironically impossible for him to succeed. During Death’s holiday, Stewie knocks Lois down the stairs, drops a cabinet on her, and then throws a grenade in the cabinet. And he would have gotten away with it, had death been a possibility.