Top 20 Anime That Could Never Be Made Today

As one commentator so eloquently described it – this is what happens when you mix together Tarzan, Japanese patriotism and a cocaine-induced-fever-dream. Honestly, this movie is a wild ride filled with so many hilarious clichés and racial stereotypes that you’ll struggle to keep track. The premise, at least at the start, seems to be about a Japanese kid living in Kenya finding himself lost in the wilderness. Only for Nazis, dinosaurs, time-traveling snakes, evil shamans, atom bombs and every other kind of craziness to suddenly make an appearance. Does it make any sense? Of course not! It’s so bonkers we’re actually a little scared this is what the creators’ thought Kenya was like!

Mixing together live-action and animation isn’t anything new, but few have accomplished it as fluidly as Irabu. Then again, few anime have been as off the wall as Irabu, on account of it dealing with a crazed doctor dealing with patients with crazed afflictions by means of crazed solutions. The imagery, both the metaphorical and the somewhat erotic courtesy of Irabu’s curvaceous assistant is certainly enough to turn heads – but if there’s one aspect of this show outside of its outrageous presentation that would likely cause outrage form certain groups, it would be how it portrays mental illness without any real deftness. Even if it is a comedy, you know it would still strike a sore spot.

To be frank, this series’ abysmal quality barely plays into why it will never see a do-over. Though rest assured, it’s still terrible. What assures that this little experiment, absent of any connection to the mainline series of games, would fail is that modern-day Square Enix wouldn’t dare try something like this. No marketable and recognisable characters? No chance to branch out into infinite spin-offs? No way to stuff NFTs into the mix? Yeah, this thing is now nothing more than a relic with the occasional Chocobo popping up.

Didn’t take long to step into incest territory, did it? Don’t worry, there’s a few more of those on the horizon. But what makes this such a unique case is that it’s an incest…shojo? Not the kind of subject matter you see scurrying around the genre known for true love and purity. Just seems crazy that so much time and effort was spent establishing a will-they-won’t-they plot that most shojo fans would adore, save for the fact that the leads are, you know, siblings. Incest may never die in the anime scene, but we doubt that one like this will resurface.

Horror anime is constantly finding new ways to shock us with its creativity and ferociousness. This, however, is what happens when you pair a sadistic premise with terrible production. Even the most hardcore gore hounds are going to be vastly disappointed by its fleeting run time of only a couple minutes. All the while, everyone else is going to be turned away by the story revolving around incestuous cannibalism between a brother and sister, the latter having to devour her perpetually regenerating sibling in order to satisfy her demonic hunger. Yeah, that’s a hard pass from us, and just about everyone else.

Hey, we’re all for mixing action with fanservice. In some cases, it even enhances the experience, so long as a show knows when to find a balance. Good luck finding any of that here. To be honest, with the way the show glorifies and puts all of its budget behind the notion that the main character gets his power through drinking from the lactating chests of the female cast, we’re wondering why they even included any semblance of a narrative to begin with. Look, if you want to go full fetish, go for it – just don’t expect your series to get a revival when a show has such severe tonal whiplash baked into its bones.

Sometimes, a piece of art is so staggering, profound or unique that to try and have a second go of it feels like it would be a dishonor. Not that it’s stopped several anime remakes from committing said cardinal sin, so all we can hope is that they don’t come anywhere near this hauntingly beautiful flick. With little dialogue and a plot that’s enigmatic at best, Angel’s Egg is one of those classics that has to be experienced, with many fans still combing over its themes to this day. Though, given the appetites of modern anime audiences, it’s debatable if many would appreciate an effort such as this or something even vaguely similar if it was released today.

Right then, back to the abject weirdness that only anime can deliver. Going from a standard high school romp about a shy student wanting to make a hundred friends – no this isn’t prototype Komi, relax – all the way to a martial art all about distracting an opponent by…pulling random objects out of their zippers? Honestly, the laws of physics don’t exist here, as the cast soon find themselves using the so-called Sexy Commando Style to overcome all manner of real-life obstacles. Not sure how that translates to characters turning their genitals into dimensional rifts and pulling out pigeons, but we doubt any studio is going to be in a hurry to bring this amalgamation of 90’s anime mania back.

We love black comedy anime, especially ones that aren’t afraid to satirize and poke fun at the rigidity of Japanese culture. This is certainly one that newer fans should seek out if they want to laugh and wince in equal measure. So, why not bring it back with a fresh coat of paint? That would be because the main character, Zetsubou, is a teacher who – while ironically great at helping his students with their troubles – sees life in a completely negative light, and is constantly trying to take his own life. You can see why such a premise might cause…issues for some.

And we’re back on the incest train once again, in one of its most infamous incarnations, since this series features way more brokeback-brother-sister-buffoonery than you’re likely to find anywhere else. Apparently, the 2010s were host to a whole slew of anime that decided story was just code for straw thin interludes connecting each piece of pornography together. Given its raunchy and much contested history, we doubt we’ll see its ilk again, though it’s fair to say its legacy can be felt in modern anime trash. Hey, Yosuga no Sora walked so World’s End Harem could…well…crash and burn, but you get the idea!

One of those retro anime flicks that somehow avoids becoming a hentai by the narrowest of margins. Not that anyone really got deep enough into the plot to see any of the other gritty content, on account of the opening scene involving passionate bedroom action between our cocky detective and his new lady friend…only for her to suddenly transform into a spider hybrid, complete with a snapping maw and several rows of sharp teeth in some questionable areas. I mean, where can you really go from there? Certainly not towards any kind of remake!

Lucy’s bloody struggle in a world that wronged her is one of those dark and despairing series that really should have a full adaptation by now. It’s got a cult following, it’s mature themes certainly strike a chord, plus it has one of the most tragic anti-heroes in modern memory. What’s stopping it? Probably the impossibly high kill count, the countless decapitations, as well as an abuse sub-plot. Its own darkness Is its own enemy when it comes to getting a second shot at the limelight.

This thing is a mini-miracle. Why? Because it’s a cop drama with some pretty slick, cell-shaded animation you’d think would go on to become a classic…if not for one particular scene. Turns out that in order to get this funded, Studio Arms had to ask publisher Green Bunny for help, who happened to make hentai for a living. Thus, we have the shoehorned sex scene that is as gratuitous and detailed as you can possibly get. You’ve seen it. Don’t pretend you haven’t. As you can imagine, getting a helping hand from X-Rated distributors isn’t exactly a common practice these days.

If something as glorious as Interspecies Reviewers was cut from broadcast due to its mature content, then there’s no way in anime hell that something as blatantly fanservice driven as this would ever stand a chance. After all, everything is secondary to smut in this show, narrative included. Essentially it follows a female ninja roaming around as she absorbs the breast size of her enemies and adds it to her own, all the while all manner of lewd antics follow her and her pervy sidekick day in and day out. With none of the charm to hold up its gigantic bust, it wouldn’t be long before a second shot as this exploitive ninja parade of heaving cleavage was cut down.

One of Studio Ghibli’s far more experimental flicks, there’s a lot to love about this fantastical take on the Japanese folktales surrounding Tanuki. Sure, the plot goes to all kinds of crazy places and makes no attempt to veil its pro-environmental messages, but come on, talking Tanuki have and always will be adorable! You want to know what’s not adorable? Seeing them swell their happy sacks to monstrous proportions so that they can be used as parachutes, or weapons to take down the police. Somehow, we just don’t see that flying nowadays.

Vulgar jokes combined with a not-so-subtle commentary on how repressing natural urges to obscene degrees is a terrible idea – this series was a gem. A very dirty gem, saturated in way too much of Anna’s love nectar. Personally, we’d love to see a continuation of Blue Snow’s anarchist antics as she tries to bring erotic and r-rated content back into society, and yet we know that some groups would be up in arms for a show essentially prompting perv propaganda. Though to be fair Anna might have taken things a bit too far when she tried to have her wicked way with her bland bread protagonist against his wishes…

A tale of tragedies and triumph, an underdog’s desperate search for knowledge, Kintaro’s saga was truly one we’ll likely never see the likes of again…mainly due to the fact that every place he went to he ended up somehow enticing a busty beauty to such an extent they were willing to surrender it all just to get a piece of his golden boy. While it’s not that far removed from some of the ecchi content seen in today’s sleazier anime scene, we can see networks having some issue with how…vocal the ladies can get when it comes to their wanton desire.

Brother-Sister relationships are nothing new to anime. It’s everywhere in the harem genre, it’s always being made fun of in comedies, or just being shamed for the icky and destructive subject it is. And then there’s this little anomaly; a series that portrays the folly and heartbreak that comes from two lonely souls who fall in love in earnest and are unable to suppress their desires…even though they’re blood-related. You feel such sympathy for these two even though you know this will never end well . With such a serious edge to it, we doubt we’ll see anything of its kind again, and that’s probably for the best.

Ultra-gory, ultra-violent, ultra-disturbing, this anime lives and breath shock value, especially if it involves humans being torn apart in the most ludicrously brutal ways imaginable. What’s the plot? Does it really matter? Psychic girl meets homeless boy, illegal experiments, massacres ensues. While it's incoherent at the best of times, the sheer amount of depravity and body horror displayed is so obscene that there is no way something like this would be replicated. Even the most hardcore modern series have some kind of cap on how much blood and guts it can get away with showing. Something like this has zero filter, and zero chance of seeing any sort of resurgence.

Yeah, not sure we have to go into detail about how having a young student in love with her teacher, and who goes to EXTENSIVE lengths to show it is…problematic. Seriously, how this got an original adaptation, we’ll never know. While they don’t cross all of the morally questionable lines, there are still scenes of Rin throwing herself at her teacher on numerous occasions, with her sole goal being to become his wife. Can you imagine the shitstorm this would cause if they tried to bring this back?!