Top 20 Worst Things That Happened to Stewie Griffin

“Patriot Games”

Brian and Stewie have always had a very odd friendship. They obviously share a deep love, but they also commit horribly cruel acts upon each other. Here, Brian spends the whole episode exacting mental torture on Stewie. Although, we can’t say Stewie doesn’t deserve it this particular time. He did beat Brian with a golf club, push him down the stairs, shoot him in both knee caps, and light him on fire when Brian didn’t have the money to pay him back. It might sound like Stewie gets off easy, but Brian mentally messes with him so badly that Stewie literally begs for Brian’s revenge. And just when Stewie thinks the torment is over, Brian shoves him in front of a bus for good measure.

“The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz”

The Griffins aren’t a particularly religious family, but when Peter’s father Francis comes for a visit, he criticizes them so much about it that Peter agrees to baptize Stewie to please him. Francis is so obsessed with this mission that he ignores the priest when he says that the holy water is tainted and baptizes Stewie himself. We’re pretty sure that’s not how that works. Poor Stewie becomes sick and needs to be quarantined. As if that isn’t bad enough, Brian relentlessly plays pranks on him while he’s stuck inside a bubble. Sometimes Stewie deserves what he gets, but this time, he doesn’t deserve it.

“Vestigial Peter”

The short version of this story is that Peter suddenly discovers that he has a vestigial twin named Chip. Though they initially are the best of friends, they eventually get detached, and the family likes Chip better than Peter, so Peter decides he doesn’t like him anymore. Naturally, the only way Peter sees to settle this problem is to have Chip eaten by a dingo. Unfortunately for Stewie, the dingo decides he’d rather eat him instead. Poor Stewie gets munched and dragged out of the house by the dingo. Peter doesn’t seem to care and it’s not even mentioned again.

“Stu and Stewie’s Excellent Adventure”

Throughout this show’s lengthy run, Stewie experiences many adventures through space and time, and clearly, he was always destined for it. When he meets his future self, Stu, Stewie returns to the future with him to see how awesome his life has become. However, he finds his life not to be quite what he expected. In an effort to change his future, Stewie returns to the moment that changed his life forever and saves his past self from an accident at the pool, at which point past Stewie promptly vaporizes his future self with a ray gun. Such ingratitude. Although, to be fair, future Stewie kind of had to die in order to tie up all the time travel loose ends.

“Da Boom”

Due to Peter’s paranoia, or maybe his stupidity, the Griffins are seemingly the only family in the town of Quahog to escape the devastating effects of Y2K. Quagmire and Cleveland end up fused together somehow, and Joe ends up stuck to his driveway, unable to move. But while the rest of his family escapes any similar fates, Stewie is dropped in toxic waste and grows octopus tentacles. This guy just can’t catch a break. His condition goes so far that he eventually lays a mountain of eggs. And like usual, his family doesn’t seem to care one little bit.

“8 Simple Rules for Buying my Teenage Daughter”

This is without a doubt one of the most terrifying things to ever happen to Stewie. While experimenting with his new invention, teleportation pods, Stewie makes a life-altering mistake when he accidentally leaves Rupert in the pod with him. The result is a Stewie-Rupert hybrid which is just as horrifying as it sounds. On the plus side, the pods work. Let’s just be happy this nightmare only exists in one of “Family Guy’s” infamous cutaways and isn’t canon. Anyone who watched “The Fly,” the reference for this joke, knows how badly this could’ve turned out for Stewie.

“Grumpy Old Man”

A big part of Stewie and Brian’s friendship is based on the epic and elaborate pranks they pull on each other, but sometimes the simple classics are the best. Or from Stewie’s point of view, the worst. With all of his genius, it’s easy to forget sometimes that Stewie is just a baby, but here Brian capitalizes on his youth and innocence when he persuades Stewie to eat some lemon snow. Of course, we all know what’s really going on, but poor Stewie doesn’t know any better and gobbles it all up. Gross!

“And the Wiener Is…”

It’s a major part of the show that Stewie’s family can’t understand him, or perhaps they just ignore him. Well, we bet Stewie wishes Peter would ignore him just a little bit more when Peter decides to store Stewie in his pants as a way of overcompensating in an area where he feels lacking. Lois doesn’t even notice Stewie is missing until she sees him moving around in there. Is that better or worse than the time Peter puts Stewie in his stomach, and again, no one even realizes until they catch Stewie moving around inside?

“The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou”

Anyone who’s been sunburned before knows just how painful it can be, but it probably wasn’t worse than what happened to Stewie. When Stewie forgets to put on sunscreen, he experiences getting a tan for the first time, and immediately becomes obsessed with it. He becomes so addicted that he starts tanning every day in his very own tanning bed. But when he accidentally falls asleep during one of his sessions, he wakes up terribly sunburned. His entire body is red, and he can barely move. You can practically feel his skin sizzling. It's so bad he even has a skin cancer scare.

“Cop and a Half-Wit”

Stewie gets upset when a woman at the grocery store mistakes him for a girl. So naturally, he begins overcompensating and decides to join a football team. Stewie is noticeably smaller than the other kids, but insists on being put in the game, despite the coach’s warnings that he will get destroyed out there. Brian’s cheering and jeering from the sidelines probably doesn’t help things much. During his first play in the game, Stewie gets terribly concussed, and Brian and Chris try to cover it up. You’d think they’d have known better, after the last time the Griffins tried to cover up one of Stewie’s injuries. But more on that later.

“Brian Sings and Swings”

Getting extremely sunburned or concussed may seem pretty bad, and Stewie pretty much brought those incidents on himself, but this one is all Brian’s fault. Brian gets out of hand running a club, and drunkenly loses Stewie on the road. Stewie does manage to make it home on his own, but not without losing an ear to a hungry deer. Losing an appendage is bad enough, but nothing adds insult to injury like knowing it happened as a result of your best friend’s negligence. And what’s even worse than that is that the family doesn’t seem to care about Stewie’s missing ear - or even notice, for that matter.

“Herpe the Love Sore”

Brian dropped the ball with the whole Stewie’s ear thing, but this time he knew what he was doing. Feeling that they’re drifting apart, Stewie wants to deepen his bond with Brian, so they cut their hands and swap blood. However, things go horribly wrong when Stewie wakes up the next morning to discover that Brian has given him herpes. Naturally, Stewie is furious. It’s a wonder Stewie didn’t resort to his old murderous ways when he discovered that Brian knew he had herpes before they swapped blood.

“Roads to Vegas”

Speaking of Brian inflicting intentional harm on Stewie, this time he gets Stewie killed. When Stewie teleports them to Vegas, he ends up duplicating them, leaving one pair of them nothing but good luck, and the other nothing but bad luck. The bad versions burn all their cash, so they borrow money from a loan shark and can’t pay it back. The loan shark mistakenly goes after the good versions and when they can’t pay him either, he offers them a choice as to who will die first, and Brian wastes no time whatsoever selling Stewie out. He tells the loan shark to shoot Stewie first, and he obliges. Thankfully there was another Stewie available, so no harm no foul, right?

“Be Careful What You Fish For”

That’s right: it’s Brian yet again. While picking up Stewie from his daycare center, Brain sees just how terrible it is. The children are left alone, the place is filthy, and there are dangerous objects everywhere. Brian is appalled, and demands to speak to the daycare teacher, like any good guardian would. But when he meets Ms. Emily, Brian completely changes his tune when he sees how attractive she is. Brian not only ignores the abuse; he also contributes to it just so he can get with Miss Emily. Stewie’s seen Brian do some pretty terrible things in pursuit of a lady, but this example is definitely up there as one of the worst!

“The Peanut Butter Kid”

Peter and Lois pretty much blow Stewie’s college fund. And that’s only the lead up to this entry. In order to make more money, Peter and Lois enter Stewie in a contest to land a gig as the spokesperson for Scooter’s Peanut Butter. When he does, Peter and Lois go way overboard to turn him into a child star. They make him train day and night. They even force-feed him… let’s call it a “mixed drink” designed to keep him awake and high on energy, as well as other things. Stewie could’ve been damaged for life, and eventually Brian has to step in to make Peter and Lois realize what they’re doing to him. Someone needs to call social services on them already.

“Brian Writes a Bestseller”

Okay, what is this dude’s deal? Does he even like Stewie? When Brian finally, finally, writes that bestseller he’s been bragging about for years, Stewie becomes his manager. Stewie does everything for Brian, yet is met with nothing but ingratitude. The more fame Brian gets, the worse and worse he treats Stewie. He even leaves Stewie alone on the street once to get back to their hotel by himself. All because he thinks he should be just as famous as Renée Zellweger. Stewie has to endure Brian’s verbal abuse, and even being ruthlessly fired. Poor Stewie.

“I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar”

Though the women in Peter’s life might be glad he finally attended some sensitivity training, Stewie would argue that it did much more harm than good. The training ignites some extreme motherly feelings in Peter, and he goes a little crazy trying to, uh, nurture everyone. He even goes so far as to try to breastfeed Stewie. Of course it doesn't work and Stewie is traumatized by the experience. The look on Stewie’s face when he realizes what is happening really says it all. And when he pulls that hair out of his mouth? Yeeeeeah.

“Life of Brian”

Stewie and Brian do some truly cruel things to each other, but it cannot be denied that they share a true and deep love for each other. While playing in the street, Brian is tragically hit and killed by a car. Usually on this show when something like this happens, there’s some sort of last-minute save. But this time, Stewie had just before destroyed his only means of doing so, his time machine. Stewie is understandably distraught at the brutal loss of his best friend, and it’s heartbreaking to watch as he has to accept there’s nothing he can do. This isn’t only one of the worst things to happen to Stewie - it’s one of the most devastating things the show has ever done, period.

“Killer Queen”

Stewie is so intelligent, sometimes it’s easy to forget that, after all these years, he’s still just a baby. While looking through Peter’s old album collection, Stewie comes across the Queen album “News of the World,” which absolutely terrifies him. In Stewie’s defense, a giant killer robot is pretty scary. Stewie is so terrified by the Queen album cover that he is driven literally insane. It probably isn’t helpful that Brian finds the whole thing absolutely hysterical, and constantly taunts him with the image. Brian’s torture is so relentless, it drives Stewie to kill Rupert and try to take his own life just to escape it.

“Brian Griffin’s House of Payne”

While Meg and Chris are fighting, they end up knocking Stewie down the stairs, rendering him unconscious and giving him a huge gash in his head. Though that first part is an accident, the rest is… not. It’s understandable at first that Chris and Meg panic, but at some point you’d think that they’d get their baby brother some real help. But they decide the best course of action is to cover up his injury. Literally. They put a hat on him and hope nobody notices. Eventually, Peter finds out, and his response is… to throw Stewie under Lois’s car to blame the whole thing on her. At least Stewie was unconscious for the whole ordeal. Cartoon logic, amirite?!