Top 10 Best Red Insults on That '70s Show
#10: Red Can Get a Table
“Drive-In”
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We all have dealt with the frustration of getting a dinner table. However, this moment made us wish we had a Red in our own lives. He accidentally takes Kitty to a rowdy family restaurant, originally believing it was a fancy establishment. But it turns out the old spot burned down. Sticking to his guns about the restaurant being good, he approaches the hostess, only to learn there’s a two-hour wait for a table. Even after bribing her, he still doesn’t quite get the result he wants. What follows is one of the most frightening remarks Red has ever uttered, but hey, it worked.
#9: The Buttocks Motel
“Bohemian Rhapsody”
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In the finale of the seventh season, Red and Kitty find out that Eric and his friends have been smoking marijuana in the basement all these years. And as you can imagine, they’re outraged, but more on that later. In the season eight premiere, we get more insight into what happened after Eric left for Africa. And let’s just say Hyde and Fez got an earful. While Kitty is more tame despite her anger, Red delivers a brilliant line for all viewers to remember. What they don’t seem to fully grasp is that this really was an “everyday thing,” but hey, maybe it’s better that way…
#8: Career Day With Red Forman
“Punk Chick”
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When Hyde decides to go to New York, an alarm bell seems to go off in Kitty and Red’s heads. The two discuss their worries with each other before sitting him down to warn him about the troubles he may face in the Big Apple. As Kitty goes on about crime-riddled streets and danger around every corner, Red seems more focused on what Hyde would do for work. According to Mr. Forman, it’s not just the competitive job market Hyde needs to worry about - it’s also his lack of experience and credentials. Yes, Hyde, a good resume is important!
#7: Distance Equals Love
“Sunday, Bloody Sunday”
Look, we all know certain relatives can be hard to deal with, especially in your later years. After a less than ideal trip to church, Red spends most of his Sunday hiding, leaving Eric to deal with his mother. After all, he’d rather be doing, well, anything else. Once he’s finally found by his son, he explains the simple concept of loving from a distance. There are probably some people who can relate to what he’s saying. But still, something tells us Red’s philosophy wouldn’t translate too well if people tried to apply it in daily life.
#6: Syrup Is a Man’s Best Friend
“My Wife”
We understand that Bob isn’t exactly the most tolerable of television neighbors. He tends to act like the Barney Rubble to Red’s Fred Flintstone - bumbling, a bit dense, but overall joyful in his naivety. Things wouldn’t quite be the same without him – or the pair’s funny dynamic. In a season 6 episode, Red tells his neighbor about Kitty’s habit of “silent breakfasts” when she’s mad at him. One such occasion left Red so desperate for conversation that he bought a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth’s. This wasn’t the point of their interaction, but Bob can’t have felt great after learning he came after syrup in Red’s call list!
#5: When Idiocy Realizes Itself
“Hyde’s Christmas Rager”
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In the holiday spirit, some of the gang throws a huge party loaded with all the refreshments a 70’s teen would want at Hyde’s place. But the real memorable moment doesn’t occur until afterward. Indeed, things come crashing down when Kelso and Eric return to the latter’s home and his hangover starts. As soon as Eric mentions his headache, his father delivers one of the most savage lines we’ve ever heard. We’re just shocked that Red isn’t as furious about this as he usually is about other things. Well, Eric’s probably suffered enough, anyway!
#4: Red’s Final Wish
“Who Wants It More?”
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We’re not sure what it is about this episode, but Mr. Forman was at the top of his game, having made a brutal remark about Bob earlier. However, the best insult comes when Red throws a party. Finally returning to his grouchy and condescending ways after some out of character behavior, he makes a toast for the ages. No one else seems to share his point of view – until Kitty’s reaction convinces them all to laugh along, too. Hey, we have to say that we kind of agree with Red on this one!
#3: The Square Root of X
“Romantic Weekend”
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In order to spend a weekend away with Donna, Eric lies to his parents about tutoring Kelso for a few days. Yes, it’s a believable story, but Red and Kitty know better. They immediately start to interrogate their son about what he and his friend will supposedly be doing. Eric keeps up his façade, but his dad has one last thing to say. Knowing what Kelso and Eric are capable of on their own, one can understand why he would make such a statement. And yeah, it gets better when he finds out what his kid is REALLY up to!
#2: Eric’s Luck Explained
“Thanksgiving”
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We can all probably agree that Donna is, for the most part, good for Eric. So imagine the disappointment Red must feel when he learns that Donna is mad at his son because he cheated on her. When confronted by his father, Eric tries to place the blame on sheer bad luck instead of taking responsibility for his actions. Red can clearly see through his child’s nonsense, and says the most brutally honest thing possible. In all seriousness, this was perhaps the greatest bit of fatherly advice he’s ever given, wrapped in a perfectly Red package.
Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few Honorable Mentions…
A Typically Red Greeting, “Prank Day”
How Would You Describe Eric & His Friends?
Manners, Eric, “Hyde Moves In”
That’s One Way to Get Your Son Moving
Eric’s Miss America Quote, “Streaking”
Only Red Could Tell His Child How Generic That Sounded
Waffle War, “Jackie Says Cheese”
Every Dad Wins the Eggo in the End
Sleep Kicking is a Thing, “Eric’s Hot Cousin”
If Red Needs More Options, There’s Also Sleep Punching & Sleep Headbutting
#1: The Reddest Red
“Til the Next Goodbye”
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Before Eric finally leaves for Africa, he and the boys have one last smoking session in the Circle. There’s just one problem they forgot about - Red and Kitty are still home. The former character catches them in the act, and orders them to march upstairs. What follows is arguably the angriest Red we’ve ever seen. Yeah, Kitty isn’t happy either, but his fury is what makes the entire scene pure gold! His outrage is made all the better by the fact that the boys are impaired and hallucinating while being lectured. If this had been the series finale, it would’ve been the perfect way to cap things off, thanks in no small part to Red.
