Top 10 Chuck Norris Moments
Number 10: “Forrest Warrior” – Shapeshifter
In “Forrest Warrior,” Chuck Norris taps into his ability to shape shift into various badass woodland creatures in order to scare off lumberjacks that are threatening his forest. Fun fact: the only special effect this movie needed was Chuck Norris.
Number 9: 1994 WWF Survivors Series – Protecting The Undertaker
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Back in the early ‘90s, Chuck was asked to play enforcer for a wrestling match between The Undertaker and Yokozuna. Seeing as he’s unstoppable, he prevented Jeff Jarrett from interfering with the casket match with a sidekick to the dome, causing him to flip onto his head and run away in tears. If you ask us, he got off easy.
Number 8: “Lone Wolf McQuade” – Uzi
He may play a cowboy-style ranger in this film, but like any red, white and blue-blooded American, he’s not opposed to putting the six-shooter down in favor of a bullet-spitting chunk of the 2nd amendment in order to even the odds. Only Chuck could perform a 360-degree machine gun takedown, and not hit any of the horses.
Number 7: “HuckenChuck” Presidential Campaign – Chuck Facts
In 2007, Chuck took his fight against evil into the political realm when he and Mike Huckabee teamed up to dish “facts” about each other. Somehow, even with the almighty Norris’ support, Huckabee still managed to lose the Republican nomination. If God works in mysterious ways, then Chuck’s powers are simply beyond comprehension.
Number 6: “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story” – Thumbs Up
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In this silver screen sports epic, the thrilling conclusion comes down to a decision by the judges. Luckily for Vince Vaughn and his team, Chuck appears and saves the day with a simple thumbs-up. Ben Stiller should just be thankful that Chuck didn’t unleash the other four fingers…
Number 5: “Delta Force 2: The Columbian Connection” – Skydiving
In “Delta Force 2,” Chuck decides that a drug Kingpin needs to be taught the kind of lesson that only a ten thousand foot drop can provide, and throws ol’ Pablo out of a plane without a chute. Since Chuck is impervious to the laws of physics, he saves the scumbag by skydiving after him, but only after he makes him crap his pants from screaming.
Number 4: “Good Guys Wear Black” – Windshield Kick
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In this film, Norris… hah… “plays” a six-time world karate champion who has ended up on the CIA’s hit list. These liberal punks try to chase him down, but fail to realize that you can’t run over Norris, he runs over you… Hey, what’s that on your windshield? (Cue shot of Chuck Norris jump kicking dude thru windshield)
Number 3: “Way of the Dragon” – Chest Hair
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Here we come to the one inaccuracy on our list. We all know that it is folly to think you could use Chuck Norris’ chest hair as a weakness, for it is surely the source of his great power. We’ll let this slide because it does involve the late-great Bruce Lee. But for the record: Chuck Norris’ chest hair is so powerful that feeding a single curl to a male horse will cause it to instantly ejaculate another fully-grown horse.
Number 2: “Invasion U.S.A.” – Bazookas
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When America faces its first-ever invasion, Chuck takes up his true mantle as a one-man army of freedom. The film’s climax sees him fire a bazooka at a bazooka-carrying Russian terrorist – at point blank range. Cancel the Oscars.
Number 1: “Walker, Texas Ranger” – Broken Nose
Rounding out our list is the television appearance that made this god-turned-man into a household name. Following in the footsteps of both Jesus and Abraham Lincoln, Chuck breaks a creep’s nose like it’s a saltine cracker. Then he resets it. Then breaks it again. Few will ever get so close to being touched by perfection…