Top 10 Worst Things Randy Marsh Has Done
#10: He Betrayed Barbrady
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“Naughty Ninjas” When the boys of South Park dress up as ninjas, the adults in town mistake it for something much worse. Thinking that their kids have become extremists, Randy, and a few other adults, turn to a disgraced officer Barbrady, promising him his job back in exchange for taking the kids out. On the one hand, Randy realizes that the boys are just playing ninjas, and rushes to stop Barbrady. However, by trying to stop Barbrady, Randy causes him to injure a kid. Rather than take responsibility for what happened, Randy, along with the rest of the adults involved, blame Barbrady for the whole thing. Barbrady may not have been the best cop, but even he didn’t deserve getting thrown to the wolves like that.
#9: What He Did to an Actor’s Hand
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“My Future Self 'n' Me” Randy may not have the best relationship with his son, but at least he tries his best to make sure that Stan doesn't go down the wrong path. The only problem is that he is willing to do some pretty shady stuff to do it. To make sure that Stan doesn’t ruin his life from substance use, Randy and Sharon hire an actor to play Stan’s future self so that he doesn’t indulge in deviant behavior. When Stan finds out about the lie, he tries to expose it by pretending to cut off his hand. Rather than reveal the truth to Stan, Randy actually cuts off the actor's hand to keep up the pointless lie. Yeesh, talk about going overboard.
#8: Saying “That Word” On TV
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“With Apologies to Jesse Jackson” Who could forget the moment Randy messed up big time on national television? After mistaking the word “Naggers” for something else on “Wheel of Fortune,” Randy not only humiliates his family, but also earns the ire of the entire country’s African-American population. Now to be fair, Randy never meant to intentionally offend anyone. However, it was pretty stupid of him to believe this word would ever be used on a TV game show. In one of his rare moments, Randy actually tries to apologize for his actions, but he soon learns the hard way how words can be just as painful as bullets.
#7: He Got a DUI
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“Bloody Mary” The only thing worse than Randy’s addictive habits is when his addictive habits threaten the lives of others. After picking up Stan and his friends from karate class, Randy proceeds to drive them home while intoxicated. This causes Randy to get pulled over and arrested, as well as humiliate himself and Stan in front of his friends. You would think this incident would inspire Randy to get his act together. Instead, it only worsens his addiction. Even when threatened with jail time, Randy refuses to learn his lesson and continues to drink irresponsibly. If that’s not bad enough, he even forces Stan to drive in his place. At this point, the only thing worse than Randy’s addiction is his clear lack of discipline.
#6: He Executed a Mall Security Guard
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“Titties and Dragons” Considering all the messed-up stuff he’s done, is it really that hard to believe Randy’s taken a life? After being given command of a group of mall security guards, Randy is tasked with preparing them for the impending bloodbath that is Black Friday. When the fateful day finally arrives, the horde of bloodthirsty shoppers terrifies one guard into running away. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get very far before Randy shoots him in the back. Not only did Randy take the life of a man he swore to protect. He did so even though he knew the guy had a wife and kid. Some might argue that Randy spared the guard from a gruesome fate, but it still doesn’t justify taking a father from his family.
#5: He Took a FedEx Hostage
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“T.M.I.” Anger makes people do crazy things. In Randy’s case, it makes him do something crazier. After Randy’s formula for T.M.I. is proven incorrect and his manhood is declared below average, he becomes aggressive and starts lashing out. After landing himself in anger management, Randy incites a group of like-minded people to declare war on the federal government. Pretty soon, Randy and his followers attack a Federal Express where they take people hostage. Despite having no connection to the federal government, Randy’s takeover of a FedEx actually inspires other below-average males to do the same, causing mass chaos. We know this sounds ridiculous, but it's still horrifying that Randy was able to take things this far.
#4: He Gave Himself Cancer
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“Medicinal Fried Chicken” When it comes to getting what he wants, Randy’s proven that he’ll do whatever it takes to get it. In order to score some “special” medicine to indulge his less-than-legal desires, Randy decides to give himself cancer. While his initial attempts end in failure, Randy eventually succeeds in giving himself cancer. The fact that Randy did this to himself without any concern for his health or how it affects his family is already morally questionable, but when he starts bragging about the benefits of his condition, he encourages other men to get cancer too. It’s one thing to risk his own life but encouraging others to do the same, that’s just all kinds of messed up.
#3: He Shot a Homeless Man
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“Night of the Living Homeless” Leave it to Randy to take any kind of situation and blow it completely out of proportion. After South Park gets invaded by hordes of homeless people, Randy, along with a few other adults, seeks refuge to avoid becoming homeless themselves. When a refugee named Glen announces he lost his house due to the influx of homeless, Randy’s first instinct is to exercise his right to the second amendment. As he patiently watches Glen’s descent into desperation and eventually homelessness, Randy doesn’t hesitate to take the shot. Things only get more disturbing from there, as when help finally arrives, Randy is seen carrying Glen’s body and treating it more humanely than he did during his final moments.
#2: He Bought a Blockbuster & Went Crazy
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“A Nightmare On FaceTime” If there is one thing to learn from Randy’s crazy antics, it’s that you should never leave him in charge of money. Eager to strike it rich, Randy spends thousands of dollars to own his very own Blockbuster, completely unaware that streaming services have made renting movies obsolete. Pretty soon, the lack of business causes Randy to slowly fall into madness and even reaches the point where he contemplates eliminating his family. Thankfully, the situation doesn’t come to that, but Randy’s madness does lead to a few other problems. Eventually, Randy’s reign of terror and stupidity is finally brought to an end when his business literally goes up in flames, courtesy of his daughter Shelly.
#1: He Got Earth Quarantined
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“Pinewood Derby” What started out as winning a simple Pinewood Derby, quickly gets out of hand when Randy encourages Stan to lie and cheat his way to victory by using equipment he stole from a super collider. Randy’s actions cause a domino effect that results in the discovery of warp speed, an encounter with aliens, illegally hoarding stolen space cash, lying to space cops, and even convincing world leaders to bomb Finland. But wait, there’s more. It turns out the whole thing was a test to determine whether Earth should join the intergalactic community. Needless to say, Earth failed so badly that they were permanently quarantined from the entire universe. If there is any lesson to be learned here, it’s to never listen to Randy’s advice.
