Another Top 10 Worst As Seen On TV Items Ever

Let’s be clear - if your food-related interpersonal or professional relationships have deteriorated to the point where you need to keep your lunch locked up… it might be time to look for a new job. Even though having your lunch stolen at work is super frustrating… and a deeply uncool move for any co-worker to make, this just isn’t a socially acceptable solution to the problem. This absurd alternative lunchbox is a plastic cage with a combination lock on it - ingeniously designed to ensure that only the owner can access its delicious contents. If you do use it in your break room fridge, you’ll instantly become the office weirdo.

Do you like Uggs? Do you like super comfy blankets? Well then, you’re sure to hate these horrible little beauties, which seemingly combine the general concept of Uggs with some sort of quilted, sleeping-bag style, Velcro-connected fleece blanket. But… you know, shrunk down for your feet and legs. While Uggs, as far as fashion is concerned, have long been a topic of much heated debate, there isn’t really much room for argument here. These don’t look good paired with anything! They may not be on asseenontv.com any more, but fret not, because if you place comfort above looks, practicality, or dignity, you can still find them on Amazon.

Doesn’t this name fill you with a sense of morbid curiosity? What could a term combining the words “wax” and “vacuum” represent? Well, here it is: it’s a vacuum… to remove wax… from your ears! Yep. The advertisers really outdid themselves on this one too, making a compelling case for the product by showing a grown man shout “Ow!” after pushing a Q-tip in too far. The horror, the betrayal! WaxVac to the rescue! Sure… we all want clean and dry ears, but at what cost? Hundreds? Thousands? Hundreds of thousands?! What? Just $10 plus shipping and handling? Still pass!

Just because you can think it up doesn’t mean you necessarily should. This one is just what it sounds like, a product to keep your pillow chilled. Yet another example of perfectly over the top advertising, the infomercial for the Chillow reminds us just how miserable, hot and sweaty sleeping can be. Sometimes, they suggest, it’s like your head is on fire. Though slightly over-the-top, they make a good base point - a cool pillow is nicer than a hot one. But does this water-cooled memory foam contraption do the job? Sure, it keeps your head cool, but it also pretty effectively undermines the comfort of the pillow itself. How about chill-no?

If this was “Top 10 Worst Named as Seen on TV Items”, we'd have our winner. Advice to product marketers out there: “wad” is a word that can’t escape its many other unpleasantly icky connotations, and therefore should never be applied to a product. Now, the inspiration for this product is interesting - gangsters and mob men have been known to use heavy rubber bands, like the ones found on broccoli stems, to hold their money together. Cool! But that doesn’t make this product a worthwhile one. Not even Vinny Pastore could legitimize this waste of ... whatever it's made from.

This ad gets off to a seriously rocky start when a boss looks down his employee’s top, but having the narrator make it the woman’s fault is worse. But for a moment, let’s just pretend this was being marketed as your run of the mill garment to be worn under plunging necklines. There are already so many comfortable, reasonable options out there! This ad is quick to diss the most popular one, a camisole, by dismissing it as uncomfortable. Okay… but then you can still go with a bandeau, or you know, a well-fitting camisole. Other options seem more comfortable, and are undeniably more aesthetically pleasing than the cami secret.

Talk about a product that misses the mark. Yes, for the elderly or individuals with reduced mobility, getting in and out of a car can be difficult and understandably frustrating. But sadly despite the promises made by this product… the tush turner isn’t going to make a significant difference in their lives, apart from leaving them out 20 bucks. Rotating one’s legs more smoothly is all well and good, but the tush turner is no replacement for a helping hand, a properly positioned walker or a well-placed handle for support. Furthermore, it’s hard to imagine that the spinning mechanism in the center of the device would make sitting very comfortable.

Remember when we said that the “Broccoli Wad” would’ve been a strong contender for worst named as seen on TV products? We clearly didn't read this script far enough ahead! SlobStopper…. you feel dirty just saying it, which is ironic considering it’s essentially a baby-style bib for adults. The level of incompetence displayed by the characters in this ad is, quite frankly, astounding. So dudes, are you worried that a pretty lady won’t date you after you’ve spilled a coffee on your shirt? Well... if she ever finds out you wear a slobstopper, let us tell you this: it won't be stains that are keeping you single.

Honestly… there’s little fun to be had here. A motion-activated fake bird, Polly chirps, turns its head back and forth in a jarring, unnatural movement, and even moves its tail feathers ever so slightly. If this were being marketed as a toy for kids, it would just be an unremarkable, slightly boring product. But look at this commercial. It’s being advertised as a companion - as a legitimate stand-in for a real pet! Sure, caring for a real animal can be a lot of work – especially for the very young or the very old – but seeing an entire family fawn over this plastic bird is downright unnerving.

Though “As Seen on TV” items tend to be bad across the board, the worst of the lot was bound to be found in the bathroom. At least there’s no play on words - the “Long Reach Comfort Wipe” lets you know what it’s all about right from the get-go. It creates a degree of separation between your hands and the toilet paper when it comes time to wipe. While there’s no denying the fact that it could serve as a great tool for those with reduced mobility, the fact that this product markets itself as the next toilet paper innovation, poised to make traditional wiping a thing of the past, undermines any and all credibility.