Top 10: 2D Beat 'Em Ups

Kicking off our list is the game, based on a comic book inspired by games, that spawned a movie, that inspi…whatever! Either way, its definitely the only game that lets you play as a Canadian slacker that has to defeat seven evil exes, and an army of baddies just to get your dream girl. Basically real life for me actually…

In this fast paced action extravaganza, players become Thomas, a Kung Fu expert who must battle to reach the evil Mr. X to save his girlfriend. This game has you fight through five floors packed with the fastest beat downs we’ve ever seen! Interesting side note, punching a midget in the face is worth 300 points. Keep that in mind.

A hulking Barbarian, an Amazon in a bikini and a Dwarf with one hell of an ax take on the evil forces of Deathadder. Melee meets magic as the trio battle to rescue the king and his hot daughter. This let you cast screen clearing spells, ride dinosaurs and had a Conan the Barbarian inspired soundtrack. Awesome.

Almost 2 decades before he entered the Asylum, Batman made clowns cry in the streets of Gotham City. Hey, jerk-wads, you can’t fight and juggle at the same time…amateurs. Batman really doesn’t like clowns.

The model for all beat-em ups to come, this first outing saw twins Billy and Jimmy fight their way through the turf of the Black Warriors gang to rescue their common love interest. Clearing brutally difficult stages, they took on enemies that seemed to have spawned from a very shallow gene pool. Cleaning up the streets never felt so painful!

This is one wicked medieval side-scroller with personality. It puts the best ingredients of a traditional beat ‘em up in a blender with RPG gameplay and comedy, only to ask the question, “will it blend.” Thankfully, it does!

Why all the violence? Well, the King’s four hot daughters have been kidnapped, and his best knights have an evil wizard’s ass to kick. Luckily, rescuing damsels happens to be our favorite pastime.

“It’s time to hunt!” Predators and cybernetically-enhanced humans team up to save the Earth from a never-ending onslaught of acid spewing aliens. Fun fact, watching someone beat this game is actually more entertaining than both AVP movies combined AND makes more sense.

There have been many Simpsons video games, but the best one had Marge smack baddies with a vacuum cleaner! Maggie’s been inadvertently kidnapped by Smithers, causing the entire family to race off to save her. Even after all these years, this game is still a delightful romp bustling with personality.

Making the short list is the 4-player beat ‘em up starring the heroes in a half shell! Shredder and Krang have stolen the Statue of Liberty and sent the turtles into a time warp. This sets the stage nicely for some ass kicking in the far past, while trying to get back to the future…or was it from the future... Whatever, the soundtrack ruled.

“Welcome to die!” Mindless six-player mayhem and outrageous catchphrases, you knew this game was taking top honours. It may not be the longest or deepest brawler, but it certainly is the most fun when you assemble a large team to take on Magneto and the brotherhood. Nowhere else can you get this much mutant goodness.